Advice needed ..

[ginkola]

Hi all.. just wanna seek some advice from the people here.. hopefully we'll feel less burden.

My fiancé and I are paying half half for the wedding and housing cost together on our own. My future PIL doesn't have much to support us financially which is ok, however the cost for Guo Da Li like Pin Jin and Si Dian Jin all other stuff etc have to be fork out by my fiancé as well. This portion further burdens him. I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell my parents about the their financial situation as my fiancé family is afraid my parents will look down on them etc. I won't want my parents to feel sad or worry as well. On other note if we don't we are quite stressful now. Is this a normal process for wedding couples? Just a ranting space..

 

[Audrie]

Hi Ginkola,

I'm sorry to hear of your dilemma but when it comes to wedding planning, it's quite common for couples to bump into problems like this, so you don't have to worry about being the only one.

Since this concerns both you and your groom, you should sit down with him to discuss your priorities and the problem at hand and agree on a solution that is ideal for you and your families. If the financial cost of your Guo Da Li is your concern, perhaps both of you can consider scaling down and doing a simple Guo Da Li by getting the absolute necessities and forgoing certain elements, say boxes of traditional wedding cakes (喜饼) to give away to your relatives or the Si Dian Jin (since the giving of Si Dian Jin is mostly symbolic and most brides may or may not even wear them after the wedding), if you and your families are not very particular about following tradition to a T.

Once you have discussed what's more important to both of you at this present time and come up with a solution to tackle the concern at hand, you can share them with both your parents, explain to them why your decision is what it is and seek their understanding and support.

A wedding is a union between two individuals coming together to form one family unit and you and your groom should both come together as one to face your problems, come up with a solution and face your families together.

Hope this helps alleviate your worries a little.

 

[Rester]

Hi all.. just wanna seek some advice from the people here.. hopefully we'll feel less burden.

My fiancé and I are paying half half for the wedding and housing cost together on our own. My future PIL doesn't have much to support us financially which is ok, however the cost for Guo Da Li like Pin Jin and Si Dian Jin all other stuff etc have to be fork out by my fiancé as well. This portion further burdens him. I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell my parents about the their financial situation as my fiancé family is afraid my parents will look down on them etc. I won't want my parents to feel sad or worry as well. On other note if we don't we are quite stressful now. Is this a normal process for wedding couples? Just a ranting space..

My wife had just started work before our wedding and had limited savings while her family does have quite high demand as frankly my parent's are not well to do while her family is considered much wealthier than mine. As such i also had my fair share of issues to during the planning phase especially when it comes to financial commitments. End of day everything worked out but required quite a fair bit of communication and give + take on both sides. Between bride and groom and their PILs too. Personally i just felt that whatever i do for the wedding, just dont take up loans and plan within means.

There are always ways to scale back and save on most stuff cause this days unlike before i think we do get a fair bit of leeway from our parents in their demands. Just make a diligent search for vendors and usually you will find something within your budget and to your liking.

 

[JojoT]

Hi Ginkola

It's very thoughtful of you to seek other's opinion on this. You are also very thoughtful to empathize your PIL financial status. you will make a good DIL.

Yes, you are caught in a dilemma as you take your PIL's feelings into consideration. But your parents are not blind. I suggest an open discussion with your parents, they will understand and scale down.

Yet, I strongly feel marriage is between 2 person and parents shouldn't add further burden. Traditions and FACE blind everyone to this modern day to the extend that when a young married couple start their marriage life, day 1 , they are already in Debt. How absurd and burdensome. And some marriages don't last due arguments to paying all the wedding bills & mortages.

Just my 5cents opinion, it's your call.

 

[SihuiL]

Hi Ginkola,

Wedding planning is both a stressful and happy, & i'm glad you're opening up to ask for advices and such. We were in a pretty similar situation, me & my hub was forking out half the cost each of all expenses we're talked bout. We had our wedding & also our house which came up bfore th wedding to settle. The process is stressful, but i guess you do need to open up to your parents on the situation you're facing & hopefully they'll be able to just concentrate on th simple traditions instead of asking for everything under th world. It's hard & painful process, but you'd need to get this through to move on to th next part of your wedding planning. Traditions these days, parents have their expectations, as they children what we can do it to give them what we can and explain nicely what you can't.

Afterall, it's your wedding! You should be happy bout it & feel less worried Good Luck & Enjoy the process!