Advice needed please

[bruise]

I'm a 23yrs old malay gal,divorcee with a 4yr old son and me and my bf have been planning to get married this dec.But just few days back problems have arised regarding the marriage plans.All of this started coz my parents asked for a customary wedding gift of 4k.(this is like a gift from the groom to the bride).When I told my bf the amount,he got angry and stressed.he only agree to give 2k coz he's not willing to give 4k coz his pay is only 1.8k.I said im willing to fork out more for the marriage expenses but he doesnt want to compromise at all.
he said that he shouldnt be giving me any customary gift at all coz he said i'm a divorcee and that I have a kid which is like a burden,an added responsibility.N he said that my father is like trying to "sell me" by asking that amount.His family was supposed to come down to my house today,28th,to confirm the date of the wedding and the wedding plans bt he cancelled the meetup coz he wasnt happy bt having to give 4k.
he was very angry till he told me to go off with other guys who can fork out 4k.he said he want to cancel the mariage plans and he cant and wont accept the 4k request.I'm very deeply hurt by his words and actions.If he really loved me he wouldnt say all tos hurtful words and he wouldnt cancel the marriage plans just cos of an xtra 2k.
my friends told me that it seems he doesnt realli love me and that i should jus leave him coz of the way he treat me.
i know that he shouldnt do tis to me wen i am willing to compromise by forking out more for the wedding xpenses.i feel v v v sad and disapointed by his attitude.He is 40yrs old,an age when he should b matured bt his attitude seems childish now.
pls give me some advice.what shud i do?

 

[heartbroken_once]

Hi, I came across your post & I agreed to what you friends had said. He dun seems to be really love you. Because I believe that if someone who really love you, he/she would not say such things - “he said that he shouldn’t be giving me any customary gift at all coz he said i'm a divorcee and that I have a kid which is like a burden an added responsibility.”

When you guys started to plan to get marry, he should know that your son would follow you & once you guys married, it’s also part of his responsibility. At this moment, it’s not just about money & also his thinking. You need sometime to think about it.

 

[green_tranquility]

It's an emotional blackmail. After marriage next time, he will use your divorcee status again to push you to do things he want.

 

[kessie]

I am starting to wonder whether he will give u a hard time when u guys married in the future. He seem to mind ur past and ur kid. Have u ever asked urself whether he will ill treat ur child and u in the future.

If he love u, he should accept ur past and respect ur parents. Just because of 2k, he is willing to give u up? Doesnt make sense to me.

I think its better to move on than to stay with this guy. Since u are willing to fork out the money, i don see why he still wan to go about cancelling the wedding plan.

 

[sunboi80]

If he loves u, he wun bring up the divorcee + child burden thing. cos he noes it beforehand.

so wat if u are a divorcee? means ur value drop drastically izzit? divorcee also must be treated with respect. not some form of cheap sale.
U must be very hurt by his actions.

if he has financial probs over the 4K, then should bring out to discuss and not rant over it. so now he is throwing tantrums by not gg over to ur hse?

Frankly speaking , beside the attitude difference, there is also the huge age gap difference. R u sure the marriage can work? perhaps u guys can take this cooling off time to think over.

 

[powder]

i believe incidents like these are meant to open your eyes and provide u with a last warning before u actually commit yourself to a marriage...

do think twice.

 

[sugar1937]

hi, i think u shouldnt rush into marriage (u r still relatively young frankly). Spend more time with your kid/family, down the road u will meet someone better.

what sunboi said is true, age gap is pretty huge and if he cant treat u with proper decency now even before marriage, he wont treat u any better if u both ended up marrying.
listen to powder, i believe this incident is a blessing in disguise. Dont rush into marriage sweetie.

 

[coka]

if i were you, i will just drop him flat.
Since he can say such hurting words once, there's no guarantee he won't say it a 2nd round.

there're better guys out there.

and frankly speaking, by the time he retires, how old will you be? and you'll be the only one supporting the family!

more importantly, next time he'll say 'I only earn $1.8K, i won't pay for your child expenses' etc etc etc.

honestly, he doesn't love you enough. A guy who loves a girl alot, will feel the heartache for her, especially since he feels your parents are trying to sell you.
I believe your parents love you alot. Maybe this is one way of them to test him out?

now that he has failed the test, get a better guy!
you don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

[simpledi]

Hi R.

I feel that your bf doesn't even respect you, as a woman/gf. Is he even serious about the relationship with you?

If he loves you, he shouldn't mind that you're a divorcee and have a 4 year old kid. If he does mind, why did he even get into a relationship with you?

Love is blind. But you have to think of your happiness and your kid. What's the point of holding onto a relationship when you're not happy, and when he doesn't respect you.

He does not have the right to say that you do not deserve the customary gift and that your kid is a burden.

Before marriage, he thinks your kid is a burden. When you're married to him, have you thought if he would make a good father figure to your kid?

If you do not want to think about your happiness, at least think of your kid's happiness.

I don't think your kid deserve a stepfather who thinks that he is a burden.

You don't deserve to be treated this way.

 

[tyra~ellen]

wah leow..dowry only 4k? cannot afford liao..too much lah this guy..think u juz have to forget him leh..aft u married gonna be worst! is good he show his true colours now. not too late dear...

 

[shatterheart]

Sorry to say... i think this guy had done intimate moments with u... so he kind of like dun want to spend tht kind of money since u are not virgin or kind of things... can say he purely just want to play u n go... not really even plan abt marriage is bullshit from him....buying time just want to hv free service... give up this man.. is not yr Mr Right...

 

[elieli]

Do your maths dear...at 40 years old earning 1.8K only??And have a cheek to look down on you!!He is soo not worth it.. Surely, you deserve better. Next time try to get someone who is worth more than that and without that "Typical Mat" condescending attitude..Realistically, in todays economy its very hard to sustain a family with that sort of pay. Do you think you will be secure with him? Emotionally, financially etc??You're still young, continue to upgrade and make a good life for you and your son. Your son needs you more at his growing age now, more than your son needs your 40 yr old man.
If a man loves you, this issue is a non-issue.Period.
You should have a take it or leave it attitude towards this old man. More importantly, you're not losing at all cause you have another younger man's love-Your Son.
Lastly, remember a woman's value doesnt depend on whether she is a divorcee or single etc..that's just simply man-made. The real values are the intangible ones..respect herself & others, character, integrity and kindness..A bonus will be if she can "bring home the bacon" as well. Good luck on your self discovery..

 

[agag]

i don't think he's someone that you can entrust and spend the rest of your life with. If he truly loves you and accept you, why wouldn't he use the divorce issue as a threat? I don't think he will be able to support both you and your kid well, both mentally and financially...

You're still young and don't rush into this marriage.

 

[findingnemo]

Leave him and get back your dignity.

He is not suitable and I am sure you do not wish to be divorced a second time.

You are still young and do not consider marriage until someone who deserves it comes by.

All the best.