Abusive and inconsistent husband..need advice?

[Rin08]

Hi there..new here. hoping to find some advices here that can help me out or put my mind to ease i guess. just gonna summarise a huge long story short..we will name my husband B.
we knew each other from secondary school, then had on and off contact. after a while we start dating in 2016 and everything was going okay until he started suspecting me of seeing other guys which i didnt. he started being verbally abusive and one time i went out with my female friend, i went to meet him and he scolded me and slapped me. i thght one time like that okay la i guess, give him chance. second time he told me he going KL but i went to his block to see he flirting and touching another female and drinking alcohol. when i confront him, he kick my head till i black out and continued shouting and hurling vulgarities at me. all normal but he start thinking i got other bf, idk what rumour he heard because that guy he mention was just a friend and we used to go out together when me and B were broken up. he come back home and took off his belt and started hitting me with it and then repeatedly kicked me at my right side of the stomach till cannot breathe.. his parents and siblings just watch everything then his dad question me if i really seeing someone else...zz i keep saying no and prove my loyalty.
after that we broke up again, then we thght give it another chance. he told me his family priest say the stars are aligned and the planets are in good position (very indian thing) and we should get married ASAP to avoid planetary changes. i thght okay la..maybe the priest is right?? so we decide to get married. ALL my friends and family said no and said red flag red flag, but love is blind right..haiyo..anyway so ya, his parents rush everything and we ROM in December 2018. after that okay okay..we talk about getting house together, quite happy also..
suddenly in January 2019, he demand i stay with him at his parents place. i said give it a while uh once we get our flat we move in together, better mah, we get privacy all these. then he said, his family is now my family, and my family dont exist..that i am an orphan. im like HUH?? what you talking..then B said yes correct, now everything he or his parents say i must listen, i said no lor..im not a slave or a rag doll or something. then i feel not right la then i ignore him, next day i told him i want to annul the marriage. He asked me to meet near his block cos he say he want to discuss. when i went there, he pulled out a knife and told me to shut up and listen to him or he will kill me and my family. i was shocked..i tried to tell him now he under influence of alcohol we talk when he sober. his whole family told me to listen to him if not i sure kena broken bones that night. my parents call police cos i suddenly MIA, cos he took my phone hostage. B then say he will frame my family for possession of drugs and send them to jail or he will harm them. he got his friends and his so called ''gang'' to make sure my family die..i so scared i cry and cry and told the police i willing to move in with B. after i move in, everyday was hell. his sister complain cos i share her room, i cant sit at certain places, i cant shower at certain time, must do this must do that, want to talk to husband also the parents make noise or even worse my husband push me away or scold me everyday. his mom tell other people im too pampered and dont know how to do housework..etc etc.
when i go work i used to stay back until late with my colleagues cos i really dread going home..one day we fight fight fight until i said i gonna call the police. then i tried to take the phone, his mother push me on to the sofa and he start hitting me. then he tear my dress and then tell me ''go la go, go now, how u gonna go hahaha'' then i just keep quiet and went to bed. i kept quiet about it at work although my colleague suspect la..my ex boss told me to move away, he cant do anything to me and my family. all these while B keep sending threatening texts to my parents and i just asked my parents to ignore..one night i had dinner with my colleagues and i called my husband and his mom to tell them i gonna be late i gonna go my parents house. they keep saying no but i still went to my parents house. next morning i go back to his place and he started hitting me, he threw all my things out and he broke my office laptop until i had to go to 5 different shops cos they said it broke in such a different way that it needs a lot of complicated repairings.. he asked me to f*** off, so okay i go back to my parents and stayed there.
by this time we already got our flat..i still dont know is it i dumb or stupid or really blinded by love or give people too many chances, i move in with him to our new flat. the renovation he never ask me for the contractor, he ask his mother. okay lor. then the loan so bloody expensive, in the end now we both paying it off. after move in, he give spare house key to his mother..then this woman also everyday, day and afternoon and night come in for no reason. at all. she then tell my husband the house dirty so she come and clean, then my husband scold me say i treat his mother like maid im like huh???? i never ask her come what?? but okay i tell him i will do the housework diligently. he bring his friends over and drink and smoke and dirty the house but i clean. he still not happy, everything also call the mom..i thght i want to really divorce him already so i tell my best friend. he read the message then he take my phone and break it. (he broke a total of 4 phones so far) then he tell me he will make sure i dont leave and he has ways of doing it. everyday he keep calling me useless wife useless wife. i starve my ownself to make sure that he got food everyday to eat if i dont cook. i do his laundry and wash and iron his uniform everyday neatly, (he work in AETOS), he still not happy.. then he say he want dog, then he adopt a dog, also never buy food or groom him etc, all i do. dogs are prone to certain infections no matter how clean the house..my husband blame me..im like okay shut up and nod head only. then he say i useless never provide him physically again i nod head and say ok.

 

[Rin08]

this one continuation:

in August 2019, he came back from india then he bring up the topic of family priest again. he say we must hve intercourse in one particular room and cannot sleep in master room then it will bring luck and propesrity..im like okay....then i just go back to bed. then my husband keep on demanding to ''satisfy'' him physically i said no..i not in the mood, stop forcing me. he then tell me im useless and he can get another woman if he wants to. then i just keep quiet. he still persistent and he keep touching me even after i say no then he say just shut up and give in i just lay there and say okay..then (OKAY THIS ONE TMI BUT YA) he never use protection and he forcefully ejaculate in me when we clearly had no plans of having a family then cos we still so young, ( im 23, he 24). when i look at him he just laugh hysterically and said ''HAH HAH NOW YOU CANT LEAVE ME HAH HAH IVE DONE IT'' i start crying cos im so confused and hurt that he can be like this..after that idk what to do but my period came anyway..i thght okay. but my period stopped for a few months and i started to worry (i had no pregnancy symptoms in the beginning) so i took the test. i found out i pregnant. i went to my husband to show him and he had no emotions at all. he just say ''i know mah, the priest ask me to do, i know already u pregnant and gonna have girl, but i hope not la cos if girl i sure throw in the dustbin, i want boy'' i was shocked. like legit shocked. then he warn me not to tell my parents if not my baby will die im like WHAT??? and he was like ya the priest say they cant know if not my baby health will not be good. i just nod like a stupid idiot.
i thght he will change but you know leopard never changes its spots? ya exactly. his verbal and physical abuse continued. one day he drag me out of the bed and pushed me back and choked me when i 7 weeks pregnant, cos i never call the contractor to change the lights in the house. i told him i not well but he punched me and pushed me and threw me on the bed. i quickly touch my stomach and see if anything happen to my baby but idk la should have gone doctor to double check. i hope for the best and went back to bed and he went to work. i went to work and my boss said she had enough of witnessing this abuse. she took me to the police station with my mother and made a police report. my mom was shocked out of her mind..after that my boss ask me apply PPO i said i will think about it cos i thght have PPO means he will lose his job or something..i went for medical checkup with my boss at polyclinic then i went back home. MY HUSBAND FOUND THE POLICE REPORT cos he always goes through my stuff then he call me while at work. he scold me and threaten me and asked me to resign. i said no and ignored him. when i went back home, he was sitting there with alcohol and a knife. when i tried to communicate he almost threw the knife in my direction and asked me to **** off. he also told me not to cry cos thats not allowed in the house, if he hear any noise he will disfigure my face. i keep quiet and went to my room and closed the door. his parents then come and start scolding me and warned me never to call the police again and to change my job or resign. i refused. he did not care for me at all. he never come to any of my appointments, he happily smoke and drink with his friends and make staycation plans or to go to KL with his friends leaving me alone. i was then diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (where a person vomits about 40-50 times per day WITHOUT any food or water or anything actually) and i had to be hospitalised. i was severely dehydrated, lost 20 KGS and had about 15 bags of drips. my husband and his mom called my boss and badmouthed them, he even asked my colleague to **** off and not come visit me in the hospital and not send any fruit baskets etc (cos my colleague wanted to send over flowers and fruits). after i discharge and went back home, fights continued and he banned me from talking to my friends and to invite them to our temple wedding ceremony. he berated me for not cleaning the house. once i fell down on soapy floor while washing the dog and was crying and he just asked me to shut up and stop seeking attention and went back in the room. then in another fight ( i asked my friend to come over cos i missed her) he asked me to leave the house. i told him i am 5 months pregnant and have this condition how to go, i dont want to tell my parents. he threw me and the suitcase out..i went to Changi Airport (dont ask me why , at the point of time i really cant think straight) then went to my friend's house. my mother in law keep texting my friend and asked me to come back if not her reputation will spoil. my friend ask me stay or go to my parents but my husband messaged me saying if i dont go back to him he will now go on a killing spree and kill my family. i quickly pack and go back. when i reached home at abt 3am, he asked me to call his mother and let her know i came back and say sorry to her cos i caused them distress. he never apologise..

 

[Rin08]

also continuation:

before the wedding ceremony, he hit me, he push me, he call me useless, he accuse me of having affair, he say bad things about my family..he never help around the house. his parents were on his side but pretending to be on my side..i was so tired. my appointments all i went alone..he drunk and unable to go work he can take urgent leave but he cant even come to my important appointments..dont tell me AETOS dont have annual leaves??? one day we fight and he punch my stomach and i fall on my stomach..then i dont feel my baby kick anymore and i got vaginal bleeding. i ask him to get away from me but he forced me to go NUH with his mother. before that both he and his mom tell me not to tell the nurse what happened..so i say idk why bleed. THANKFULLY MY BABY OKAY omg i wanted to cry already. nothing is more important than my daughter!!! after that fight fight fight, everyday fight la until he came to one of my appointment because really need the dad to come. even there at NUH, he ask me go ICA to change my surname to his name then he start fighting. the nurse tell me my pregnancy very high risk, placenta not working, baby really small, both mom and baby at risk, and baby could be stillborn or you know..inside the womb itself..i dont want to type it out, you know la hor..*cries* but i take injections and medicines and managed to carry her for 8 months until my doctor ask me induce already cos too risky. so on the day of the birth, i pack my hospital bag myself and travelled to NUH alone (husband was sleeping, no initiative so i never bother also). i register myself and just hoped everything would go smoothly. after the nurse kept on asking where my husband is, i called him but never pick up. i went at 8am. at around 12pm or something he call back and he was like where are u, how dare u go without me im like aiya whatever la then put down. he came to the hospital also never say anything encouraging, just sit there for the sake of sitting. then he keep wanting to talk to the doctor to ask them to perform c sec and do the delivery fast. im like hello?? i want to decide or the doctor decide, u cant impose ur own decisions so but anyway didnt have to do c sec, i was praying to God to let me have normal delivery cos if i have c sec i need a lot of care and my husband and his family wont care for me..and my husband never let me see my mom or go to her place either...sian.
after i give birth and got discharged also he fight with me in the hospital cos i dress my daughter in my choice of clothes (im like, i care abt her being snuggled up and warm, i dont care what ur mom give cos its old and used up and not feasible, the material so thin..) then fight again. go back home also fight because i never talk too much..(HELLO I JUST GAVE BIRTH!) i told my husband for the confinement month i stay with my mom, he said no. somemore circuit breaker, all closed, stay alone with my husband..everyday fight and abuse. he scold me for engaging in confinement food packages and delivery and he asked me to cancel. he never help with the baby, always scold me for not cleaning the house and being a useless wife. he even tell his parents, being pregnant is a easy job and every woman's duty is to serve husband and have babies and cook and clean thats all. he calls himself a misogynist and he said r*** should be legalised to punish woman cos its fun and they are inferior. i asked him, if someone said the same about me or ur daughter you accept uh? he was like if in the wrong means in the wrong must punish one, must have discipline. then he tell his parents, im not needed because breastmilk can buy from markets. i cannot tahan liao, i ask his parents get out then my husband angry. he push me and kick me until i slid across the floor and my head bang the table until the screw come off. he kick my face and punch my face, all these my baby crying like mad on the bed beside where i fell. somemore my stitches also damn painful..haiyooo...

 

[Rin08]

more parts...

when i ask him take care of the baby, he say her cries making him have a headache and he pass back to me. he also mentioned he dont want change diaper COS HE MAN AND SHE GIRL, then he ask me ''ur daddy change ur panties meh??'' walao, i damn disgusted. he call his mother to come and change, if i in the shower, or if his mom busy he will not change and keep my baby in her wet diaper till i come out..( i shower only 5 mins but still so long to keep a baby in soiled diapers leh...haiya..) i give up liao, i slowly slowly move away, he demand for clean house and home cooked, still i try my best. but if he not happy with the food, he will throw tantrums and bang door, table, gate, throw plate. he eat finish wont wash, just leave it there or wont throw the leftover food away until got flies. the dog poop and pee on the newspaper also he wont throw and wait for me to clean..full of flies and cockroach also he wont throw..i ask him help he say i at home do what whole day. siao la..i still do his laundry and fold clothes neatly neatly but i thght enough is enough. i told his parents i want divorce and they said no way, then they sayid u f*** off but keep baby im like ya right....please la. then my husband's father say his son can find better wife and have 20 more grandchildren. then WAH HE SAY IF I REMARRY, OTHER MEN WILL R*** MY DAUGHTER, i was like thats it. time to end this marriage liao..

his parents come and confront my dad out of nowhere. they hiding behind the tree ( I KID YOU NOT REALLY) then they scold scold and im like why u scold my dad sia?? they also unaware and not involved, anything talk to me la. then huge fight, i call the police. then come investigate. ( i call police total 7 times while we were tgt but all not so helpful) then i call and say he mentioned ''he want to kill everyone'' then one officer come to take statement and i said i want to move back alr i want a divorce. so i took all important docs and went back to my parents. after that he threatened me through texts and told me to take the child and f*** off, he just wants the house. he said he wont provide maintenance and alimony he just wants house. then he said he wants divorce ASAP. then he say he want to occasionally see the child until she 1 year old then dont want already. then he MIA. then again he threaten, then again he MIA. i saved all these and applied PPO for me and my child. so i already obtained the PPO for myself but not for my baby. then he send texts saying ''hahhaha no ppo against the baby. u must bring her here at my house alone, no supervision'' and im like no. u want to talk to my lawyer then talk. then he was like i not scared of police, law or anything. so im like okay, for now im ignoring him so yeah...... i left him in July and until now he never ask about baby, he even say baby bonus cash payouts he keep or give his mother..then he say i cant use medisave for baby. he never come for her vaccinations or never even bother to ask about her at all. i always fork out my own cash and use nets..i make sure my daughter is always well fed and well cared for. she got umbilical hernia but after i moved out she cry less and the hernia gone, and the nurse at polyclinic say compared to last time she growing very well now and seems happy. (YAY SO HAPPY, PROUD MAMA) so we are happy now..

 

[Rin08]

last part!

SORRY SO LONG BUT I HAD TO SHARE.. to those who made it to this far, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for reading, i appreciate. so i just want to know what are my chances of sole custody...cos i know here most of the time they grant joint custody...i have a reputable lawyer and during the PPO hearing he was very rude he was like ''ya la, whatver la go ahead la'' my lawyer kept asking why no affidavit and he was like, ''ah dont want ah, i not contesting la, whatever court decide la'' im like SO RUDEEE. so yeah anyone who can share with me similar experiences, im all ears. thank you..xoxo

 

[beaverjuice]

Sorry TS, but we all sleep in the bed that we make.

Love is not blind and the signs were there that you chose to ignore. No one changes overnight.

But I agree that you need to get out of this abusive relationship asap.

 

[Madeline.Y]

Very glad that you left him! Hope everything is going better for you now.