A TRUTH after a 3 years seperation in a marriage


New Member
hi everyone...still remember me? esp. powder
i m back to share a TRUTH, lots of realisation and perhaps needed some hearing & feedback ...

Maybe i should use the word "FINALLY"...after 3 years seperation with my hubby. I happen to know he has already remarried with 2 beautiful girls now...During my last 2 years of begging for a reconcilation...WAS actually silly, so ironical and a waste of time CAUSE he has move on - so much much much eariler...

It was a 14th years relationship ( incl. 7 years of marriage )...
Back in 2006 - we had some big fights
He wanted a immediate seperation in Jan 2007
I beg for 2 years in 2007 + 2008

Finally in 2009, we are seperated ...

Main reasons for our big fights then - he's not given enough time for me and at home...and we struggling to have our baby issues ( which past we had few operations and few failed test tube baby - ivf encountered )

and worse still doctor diagnosed us under "NO reason "for inability to conceive!!!

We just got to spend tons of dollar getting hurt, disappointment, heartache and countless of tears to try on ...

I am writing now because i want to hear ...WHY am i still suffering, hurting, tearing till TODAY ...BUT yet he has move on so fast!!!???

restarting his NEW family with babies 1 smoothly after another...

How come i m still feeling such intense pain in everyday of my life...JUST moving on so slowly compare to his.....

ALSO i feel and accepted the fact on what people always say - the 1 to initate for a break up will SURE to move on much much more faster - leaving the one feeling still finding reasons, still confuse, still hurting, tearing ...

It is just SO TRUE...

I have to find reason to accept - HOW much i love, feel & willing to sacrifice and do for him DOESN't equal to his love for me at all in all these years...I just need MORE TIME to accept, to move on with this facts

My love for him is NOT EQUAL to his love for me...that is all, all that i need to know and accept now

Can u guys HELP to wake me up more quickly!!!

miko2006, your nickname looks familiar.. think read your story before..

hmmm u need TIME to heal everything! even so much hurt, will fade in time to come.


Active Member
The reason why you STILL suffering is solely your own fault as you refused to move on.. you prefer misery..

Have told you to accept and move on and you are still asking why?

Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself 2 tight slaps to wake up..


New Member
Yes, I remember you Miko2006. You MUST move on. How many more years of your life/youth do you want to waste by pinning and whining for him? Please don't be trapped in this cycle of back and forth, you gotta get yourself OUT! How many years of life would you have? To say the truth, you, I or anyone of us, might be out from this world tomorrow. Don't you find yourself wasting your energy and life by not moving on? Don't keep thinking about him, nor what you've done for him in the past. The past is the past. You need to see a future, and work your present out towards that future. It might not be a good process, yes it's painful, but at least you can move on. Do you have friends? Do you go out with them? If your friends are too busy, join a group and meet and make new friends. There are many people out here who are ready and want to make new friends too, because many of our friends are also very busy. Perhaps go and learn something? Some language course, cooking course, or sports? I feel for you, and I sincerely wish you all the best.


Active Member
"ALSO i feel and accepted the fact on what people always say - the 1 to initate for a break up will SURE to move on much much more faster - leaving the one feeling still finding reasons, still confuse, still hurting, tearing ...

It is just SO TRUE... "

And this statement. NO. I don't agree at all. The person who can move on much faster is the person who wants his/her happiness.. nothing to do with who initiates.

You just happen to be NOT the one who initiates.. and also the one NOT to willing to accept..

No one ask you to continue to tear to ask why and still hurting. Only you yourself can get out of the rut if you want to. Else don't play victim and says other people can move on and continue to hurt you and the fact is you refused to move on and willing to suffer and get hurt


New Member
What's meant to be, is meant to be. Just have to open up your eyes and see clearly.

Please move on and be happy. It's not difficult, isn't it?


New Member
it'll be difficult if TS continue to live in denial. he can start a new life so soon... y cant u?


New Member
He is ALREADY OVER you. When he wanted to separate in 2007, he WAS ALREADY OVER YOU. Why waste your precious time pining for someone who won't do the same for you? He has his own life and he's enjoying it. It's for you to have yours. What's the point of showing him that you are miserable? It doesn't affect him in any way. Even if you die, do you think he'll care? No! He will just go on, living his life with his family. To him, you are just a nobody. So, WAKE UP!

Just to share with you something that I picked up along the way when I went on separate ways with my 1st bf a long, long time ago (coincidentally, he initiated the break up too) - I told myself I must go on living my life and when I live it, it must be better than him in all ways.

I succeeded. I got my driving license before he did. I paid my way through university when he was depending on his parents for pocket money. He got an ordinary pass and I got a merit (we graduated from the same uni in the same year and I saw the degree awarded to him. I guess he must have seen mine too).

I held my head up high and lived through those years of my life. Now I'm enjoying myself, planning for the next stage of my life (waiting to strike the next Toto jackpot before I can do anything, haha...) and taking up courses that interest me. He didn't even dare talk to me or look at me in the eye when we had a gathering a few years back. Last I heard, he's still single.

I'm not telling or advising you to be heartless. I'm also not angry with my ex. I am just trying to ask you to wake up from your aimless existence. It has been 2 years. 2 freaking years since you start. How many more years are you going to waste on this piece of 'junk' (had to use that term, sorry) by wallowing in self-pity (yes, SELF-pity) before you can come to your senses?

Very soon, nobody will entertain your SELF-pity, SELF-denial and when you berate yourSELF.

Yes, you are SELFish. How long more do you intend to put your loved ones and friends to the grind?

On a kinder side, do you think you are depressed? If so, please seek help. Don't hurt yourself or loved ones this way. It is not worth it.


Active Member
welcome back... still in denial i see... actually u know the truth liao, u're definitely awake.

u should go out and just date, spend the nite if u want to... just go with the flow.... Life is happening whether or not u're in on the game.


New Member
Let me teach you how to wake up:
1) Go have a lot of 1 night stands at pubs etc.
2) Go for rebound relationships with other easy guys
3) Drink a lot and smoke a lot. Will be numb.


New Member
My self denial got a lot to do with my LOVE for him and i always thought he LOVE me the same too...

Its diffcult for me to accept, he has changed!!!

still harbouring thoughts he will return to me 1 day...

Back in Jan 2007 when he 1st initial the seperation - he told me he was unhappy for previous " 2 " years already - back then we are seeing doctors to help us in and doing our baby issue - IVF and operation stuffs - although it turn out to be disappointment in all, I was never discourage, I tell myself to carry on ...i forget to ask about his feelings then and reckon that he feel the same like me...as he carry on all plans together with me...late 2006, we had lots of fights on his not giving enough time for me at home and i hang out with the wrong friends then...BUT i thought those are quarrels between couple only!!! CAUSE i neverever think before to seperate with him. NEVER, i m just filling my empty void then

AND while in 2007&2008, whenever i ask him to come home for a talk - he will meet me to talk...but of course i did not succeed in talking him to reconcile...by mid 2007 he has already father a child outside BUT he refused to tell me and never admit he has another woman outside

I DONT KNOW WHY IT IS SO diffcult for him to just tell me the truth ...on when he acutally know this woman - was she the cause of everythings...to have made the change in him?
to make him leave the family???

They are many chances he can tell me in 2007-2008
even to 2009

he choose to denail - I guess he was thinking -if i know i will not sign the paper - the answer is just so simple

I guess I will have to carry those questions to my grave...ONLY he himself know all the truth...AS he did tell friends that it is after our split then he know the lady.

The lap that he know this lady and he got her pregant is just in 5-6 months after our split...we have not even complete the papers!!!

WOW so fast!!! the speed he can move on surprise and hurt me a lot and a lot and a lot

Having more or less know all the happenings for past years after splitting with him...COOL my heart a lot and a lot...ONCE he call it over his LOVE for me is over...it is that fast for him!!!

It is real time for me to accept THIS IS my fate, accept it and move on...

YES i will move on and try my best to stop thinking back on any sweet, good or bad memories

I will try my best to stop tearing, stop thinking about the past and move onwards with my future

I will...I know I will


New Member
miko dear,

hihihih, if you are not able to conceive YET, just leave it to time. maybe it is also your EX Hubby Soldiers is very lazy one, not like Super Forces or Commando type. you know what i mean.

you need to escape this memories by finding the right man again. but usually, the one that we do not plan always strike us.

get out of your routine, go to bar alone wear sexy, show to the people that i am prettier than ever. i have better life than my ex and i will find someone more handsome, wiser, nicer, richer and love you who you are, than my stupid EX.

and make sure you will make your EX regret to leave you.


New Member
is hard to let go but have you wonder maybe he jus want a baby making machine.. some1 who jus give him what he wanted that so simple.. hence he cannot admit it to you what he wanted u for.. U are more than that machine.. pick urself up.. live a better life than before he is not worth the effort


Well-Known Member
miko, the way I see it, u r not in deniel anymore. You clearly acknowledge the truth. It just hard and will take time to move on. Start believing in yourself again and find new meaning in life. Its more than just marriage and this man.


New Member
Hi miko, I can understand how u feel.. Been thru before, hurt before, cheated before and started all over. Now I live my life to the fullest to proof he's wrong for giving me up. To compensate what I have lost during those times I was with my ex. Maybe u no longer love him in your heart, but angry with the fact he cheated on u? Proof to him he'll regret for the rest of his life by living life to the fullest!


New Member
miko: Read back on your previous threads... I can understand ur feelings and dilemna at that point in time, but everything is in the past. We can't change the past but the present and the future... No point harping on the past or what the actual truth behind the separation/divorce is. It is long over since the day he chooses to walk out of the family and the marriage that he shared with you. We can keep on advising you what to do, what you should do etc but the bottomline is you mus move forward and noone except urself can help u with it. Does it do you any good by knowing the truth? I suppose not, hence, why bother to find out or know of it? It will saddens you further and this makes moving forward tougher. He is happily married, what abt you? Still in grief, is this worth it? Is it worth to continue with such torture? Is it that important of whatever is the reason behind the separation? Does it matters anymore?


New Member
I do hope I can put my past down and move forward ...Everyday is a fight...Sometime I feel I have put down already...then sometime it get tigger back...it is a daily "emotional rollar coaster"...It is not like all or you said...just move on, it is human feelings...

I admit...thoughout my past 3 years of seperation, I have not put down fully...I have been looking back...thinking if i have done this, done that...put in more effort then...hv not done that mistakes...shouldnt fight...this and that...till i heard the truth...Just a 5-6 months after split - he has already father a child...BY then was already my final!!!...YET unknown, i still doing this, doing that to beg him for reconciliation...acutally by then, what i have done wont change the situation already!!!

I just went to watch " being human " the couple was hoping to have their own baby, they got it finally w/o going though any operation help ( in that movie )

Then I got tigger back, perhaps i shouldn't have went on to do all those painful operation then...killing our relationship!!! evertything has 2 sides just like a coin...BUT mine brought disappointment, bitter and hurt instead of helping to bring the relationship closer thought hard times...

I am sharing this because i talk to a " FENG SUI " master lately...he review - lots about me, my true self, in reading my
" ba zhi "... i m "weak" in having off spring!!! Meaning having children...

No matter how much efforts i put in... ( i was surprise, V surprise COS he got it "so right"!!! (I did not say about my happenings to him at all ) he know nothing about my past...

I accepted his help as i still harbour hope to fullfill in coming future...

RIGHT at that moment I was self blaming again...CAUSE till the day then i know it was MEMEME!!! who cause everythings...

IT IS ME...no one else fault!!!

It was my own fate...

I actually made my past hubby, suffer Together with me...I do not know what to say BUT i feel so bad about myself, it was so bad...

If i can have children smoothly then, all others would not have happen...I do not know about others BUT my breakdown in marriage has a lot to do with having babies...

I accept my ending on that relationship which was fated somehow long ago...


New Member
miko: I can understand what you are trying to say, though I believe ur ex wants a complete family as much as you do, but at times, some couples are realli not destined in this aspect. Read the other thread and you will understand what I mean. Getting back to reality, regardless of how much "ifs" we hope it to be, a fact is a fact. It hurts, the pain is intense but life has to goes on. The world wun stop resolving... It wun do you any good by indulging in self-blaming any further... Love urself more in order to move ahead...


Active Member
Tells us one thing, didn't it? That even though we may still be deeply rooted in the past, others have already moved on leaving you behind.


Active Member
Love never had anything to do with being together... it's a concept that most pple accept and want - being with someone u love.

but in realisty, there's alot of things u love but dun possess... there's even more things u love and dun need to possess...


New Member
I guess all couples will hope to END UP just like what we have said during the marriage vows
" till death do us part "

Too bad mine has become " if you love him, you let him go...for him to be happy "

I will remind myself constantly on this phase ...so that I can move out of my past!!!

Thank you, Everyone


New Member
miko: don't keep reminding yourself constantly.. it will only be telling yourself to be reminded of the incident .... letting go and dun think abt it is more helpful..


Active Member
"I guess all couples will hope to END UP just like what we have said during the marriage vows
" till death do us part "

Well, no, not when there is no happiness being together. If have to wait for the death of a spouse to dissolve the marriage, I think MANY people would have committed suicide.


New Member
like the way u phrase ur sentences as times...


Active Member
It's perfectly OK to want a lasting marriage till "death do us part". But if your spouse wants out or is already out, no point talk about marriage vow. It would only be a romantic notion.


New Member
Hi TS,

"ALSO i feel and accepted the fact on what people always say - the 1 to initate for a break up will SURE to move on much much more faster - leaving the one feeling still finding reasons, still confuse, still hurting, tearing ..."
Nope I don't agree 100%. I initiate my break up. My ex already dump the 1st slut and child. Now probably re-married the 2nd slut with another child. Now I am still disposing our property but heard he is driving BMW. I still don't have a roof and have to take care of a child. Not pointing that I am worst off then you, because I don't think I am either.

I can understand why you are madly in love with him and cannot let go of the past. You must had put in a lot in the marriage. People who knows IVF will know that kind of pain and I know its not easy!

He dump you already. No matter what he won't come back for you anymore.

My thinking WAS exactly like you. look for fengshui master, alot of alternative as long as people recommended.

Please remember, your life destiny don't ends with what they calculated. You life is control by yourself and you can change your destiny (Only you, own effort!) We look for fengshui master to see what is arrange ahead for us, not to be disheartened. Life can be change.
How, by start picking up all the above advises. All their contribution are ways to help you change your destiny. I sincerely wish you well.


Active Member

how come your ex doing the dumping gets called "my ex", whilst the girls he goes for gets called "slut"?

this thread may not be abt u, but if u're calling the girl sluts and giving a proper term for your ex-husband, then the emphasis on blame may be what makes it harder for pple to move on.

it's funny sometimes... all these wives trying to catch their husbands... and then he's never the bastard, but the girls he's with turn out to be sluts...


New Member
carrie: from your post, i sense grievances and anger... If you are trying to move on, it is better to be peace and love yourself, try to forget the incident and focus on other important things in your life.


New Member
Power, take it that I have limited vocab, why not you suggest a name for me. I call him "Axx Hxxx". Is there a male term for "Slut"?

Littlewoman, YES I do have grievance and anger, its part and puzzle of life. I am still moving and I wish TS can too. Some people move fast, some people need slower pace. As long as its moving, it doesn't matter. The worst is stopping there doing nothing. I am still doing what everyone suggested for TS too!


New Member
carrie: how long is the split? Yes, u are moving but it might be more helpful if you can try your best to lessen the anger you have in your heart. Hatred, being angry will only recaps and brings you nearer to more memories you shared with the person, be it good or bad.


New Member
Thank you littlewoman, whenever the case draw near, I will be more frustrated and angry. No longer recaps only anger now. At least no more recaps is improvement for me. Of course not stopping here lah will continue to move on.


New Member
carrie: all the best to u... I am sure u will eventually find ur inner happiness once again with the life u are sharing with your child.


Active Member
well if u call him ex, then u can call the girls ex. anything except 'slut'...

cos your reply sure sounds like u had every intention to call them that. and pls dun say your vocab is limited... "gfren", "wife" would not normally fall under words which u learn only when u get to PHD.

"gf 2", "gf 3", "wife 2", "wife 3"... takes less imagination than "slut". so it's pretty obvious u know exactly what u're saying...

why are u not taking responsibility for the things u say, but attributing it to vocab? u would rather i take it u're stupid, than to take responsibility for, and escape the use of derogatory terms which displays where u assigned blame?? - "Power, take it that I have limited vocab, why not you suggest a name for me."

i'm helping u think twice on the state of your subconscious.

the nick's Powder.


New Member
I agree with Powder Yuan De Na (skylar...note the correct spelling of Powder's real name)

We write/type what's in our minds. It's in your mind...they are sluts to you...hence, you had that in your post.

Can a word like girl, woman be more difficult than 'slut'?

Your vocab also buay pai liao lah....


New Member
my only other qns is if the gals are labelled sluts.. as in 1st or 2nd sluts.. then y the ex is not labelled as bastard..

Asshole is not that hard a word to use as compared to sluts..


Active Member
ya, and since she likes to give ideas for pple to think twice... then i also would like to give something for her to think mah... i'd think it's a rather valid point... that she is subconsciously absolving ex of blame and instead apportioning them to the ladies thereafter.

and u wonder Why pple can't get over relationships... for some reason the straying men normally gets less sh!t than the women they went for. and i have to say, some of these ladies (termed as sluts) are victims themselves...

why isit that at a certain age, we still have problems discerning what's black, white, grey and what happiness is about? why do pple insist on squeezing water out of stone when they deman affection out of a husband who HAD affection for them in the past but no longer?

how helpful is looking back?


Active Member
"YES I do have grievance and anger, its part and puzzle of life."

Carrie, grievance and anger are not part and puzzle of life. You make them be. That means you can make them not be.

Btw, I divorced three years ago. Grievance and anger have left me long ago because I let them go. My life is better than ever.


Active Member
that's a fair statement, something which we should fast-forward to the last days on our deathbed to ask ourselves IF the choices we made would have any regrets in them. when dying, there' not much need for pride to lie to oneself til the last mins...


New Member
Actually ya, that's the 1st word that comes to my mind both were Slxx. Never cross my mind from my point of view they are women, when they both know they are willing victim. Deliberately out to get what they want. In the end the 2nd wf win lah. (Since people here don't like the word SLxx) but actually its none of my buz, just happen to saw them while having breakfast.

"straying men normally gets less sh!t" Maybe sounds like less hit because we don't really have a name for them? Whats the name of the bug that sucks blood on animal? So is Axx Hxx = Slxx?