A toddler

cococherry

New Member
Asking this on behalf of a friend. Her 3yrs toddler is almost 25kg now and is extremely naughty. She will throw tantrum, scream, beat and shout at my friend whenever she doesn't give her what she wants. My friend had tried the gentle way to coax and also the tough way - beat her but still it doesn't work. Any kind parents here have any good methods to deal with such kid?
 


denise80

Active Member
Might need to rule out if the toddler's having any learning disability in the first place? ADHD? Autistic particularly? Does she shriek at a high pitch non-stop and thereafter clam up?

If she's not having any of the above, then must really ask the experienced mothers already...
 

cococherry

New Member
Denise,
the girl is normal, no learning disability, ADHD, & Autistic. She's quite heavy and she expects my friend to carry her, she will cries and scream if my friend doesnt.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
From the description, the child probably have used to getting the attention this way for too long. The expectations have been set. It will take sometime for her to either outgrow that or realize she isn't going to get her way all the time.

Did you get to observe how your friend is caring for her kid over the past 3 yrs? You can probably get a clue from there.

Just a suggestion, maybe your friend and make her girl feel embarrassed needing to be treated like a baby?
 

denise80

Active Member
My cousin had difficulties controlling her kid too because both she and her hubby pamper the kid too much and let him have his way. By the time they bring out the 'rod', they couldn't control him anymore because the child is too used to behaving in a certain way towards his parents to get his way. It takes some time for them to finally control the kids a bit. One way is to send him to school where he encounters a new environment, new friends, new teachers etc. Through a different socialisation process, hopefully he/she changes in behaviour for the better. Then at home, continue to be the strict parents. Strict parents do not mean yelling at the top of our voices all the time and bringing out the rod to threaten or beat the child. Sometimes silence can be threatening. Sometimes a deadly stare could do the job. Both parents must be consistent. When the child does something right, praise the child. When the child is seeking attention for bad reasons, ignore. When the child misbehaves, be strict and punish if necessary. Not sure if these will work.
 

scopefun

New Member
You guys really have zero experience with kids...

Your friend's girl is normal. She is ONLY 3yo. At this age, baby like to be hugged and carried along, and will scream and cry for toys or what she wanted.

You will have to be very patient with them because beating only makes them illogical to things.

For instance, if you go out shopping, and she wanted to be carried, take three bags and show you are taking two (incredibly light) bags and your hands are full and let her take one bag; usually she will be stopped by nicely 'bluffing' her.

å°å­©å­è¦å“„的。

When you need them to do things, see them with firm eyes and nicely but sharply EXPLAIN no.

If this is single kid, best is to MAKE USE of other people's kid outside and help her mingle and set an example.

"Other kid can walk, and shame shame you still need to be carried in front of them..."

If they want to throw tantrum, make sure you hug her and gently explain this is not a good girl's way.

The rod should be dispensed ONLY if she is really doing something unacceptable.

Your friend should bear with it, because until she reaches 6yo and start mingling with other children... ENJOY her age of innocence.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
lolz.... that's the difference between the asian and european manner of caring for the kids.

The kid can scream and cry all she wants, the parent just leave the child alone to explore and discover. With asian culture, we tend to be overly concerned. It instill the expectation to be pampered and given attention all the time.

Often, motivating the kid to outgrow their baby behavior patterns is much better than punishing or controlling.

Denise, its not about controlling the kid. Its expectation management.
 

scopefun

New Member
Milo,

Both of you are wrong.

It's not even management. You can only manage something when it can be reasonably controlled. In child's development... why DISRUPT a normal development???

And it has nothing got to do with oriental or western...

A baby is a baby. She wants something she'd scream and yell, and no matter your response... the next toy she sees, she'd STILL scream and yell with a face of tears.

The science behind this is... Brain development. When a baby is at 0 age, they simply react to stimuli is simple 'I want I want I JUST want!' and they will yell and scream...

You can talk about management or western approach when they can start reasoning PROPER.

The forum is crazy...

You people like to judge and comment... but have no experience, no brains, no science, no culture, no nothing but craps...

And you cross into other forums... and infest Singapore... in the schools, in the civil sector, in the parliament, in the corporations...

And you people think you are right... Amazing.
 

denise80

Active Member
Yiping, once you tell him more about yourself, he'll use the information against you. If you feel up to it, by all means. If you don't want to engage him, I'll say don't start. See how he's careful with his own life...he hasn't said anything about his marital status, failures in life (except that he didn't get that jc girl of his and is sour that she's trapped in a marriage system with other man hahahaha) or if he has a kid or two...ask about how he lives his life every day with romance..he says it's difficult to explain, just like it's difficult to describe a god - hahahaha he's a god actually
 

scopefun

New Member
Denise80,

What do you want to know? And why do you need to know? LOL~

Local women...

LOL~

To be honest, it's a sad thing she and I is impossible. I did a profiling for her... and that man. LOL~

Seems that the years I am gone... she has... become... somewhat unagreeable.

It's fated. I think. Our lives will be very different if I had wooed her... and alot of things in the future... will be changed.

I welcome you to gossip... After all, she is the type who would mind, I am the type who is bo chap. So much for the JC girl.
 

susanna_low

New Member
It is not right to punish the child without finding the actual reasons, find out her reasons first. Why is she throwing tantrums? Listen.

Explain to her, always give a chance to correct her bad behaviour and if she's stubborn, throw tantrums, disobey instructions, only then bring out the rod. Don't ever let them over ride your role as a parent.

Cane only her palm, legs, buttocks n explain to her the reasons of caning her. Always explain why.

Denise is right, both parents should be consistent when one discipline the child, the parents should stand in line together.

Be consistent and do not give in to her demand. When it's no means no, there's no room for negotiation. Just give a firm NO and walk away. Explain why u say no. Only when she behave, obeying instruction, she can get that as a reward.

When it's time for discipline, be firm. Though parents feel "heartache", however it's for the good for the child, don't let them develop the bad habits.
We reward the right behaviours and correct the bad ones. It's important that a child is in consistence of right parental guidance.
 

matka

Member
At 2 to 3 years, children can make choices. It may not be the most logical of choices, but they can feel frustrated too when things do not go their way.

I have been giving my pre-schooler simple options. Eg:
"Stop crying, otherwise I will send you home."
"I can carry you up to that traffic light, then you will have to walk by yourself. Is that a deal?"
"I'll give you a choice: Keep crying and we will not go and play. Or stop crying and we can have fun. What do you choose?"

At this age, my child understands "choice", "choose" and "otherwise" (consequences). I also tell my child how I feel a short while after that, and ask if my child was sad/upset/angry.

Of course, there are times when tantrums go beyond absolute reason and that'll be time for stern discipline. I'm not sure what your friend has tried so far.


Also just wondering what's the reason for your friend's child's weight of 25kg at 3 years? Hereditary or have they been indulging her?
 

denise80

Active Member
matka: I think your suggestion on giving them choices is great, especially when you give them choices and inform them the gd and bad consequences of each choice they make. Usually I think parents would just tell the kid the negative consequence if they do something bad or overly pamper the child by promising very good rewards if they make a good choice. Looks like the 'selection of rewards' to guide the child to the right choice is important - it cannot be too ridiculously good nor sound like a blackmail. It is interesting to note that kids this young already could discern right and wrong, good and bad choices if well guided by parents.
happy.gif
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
while choices are great.... parents need to be careful. Many parents overdo it till its scaring tactic and intimidating. Also, parents tend to want to develop the kids to parents' wishes. The child needs to be engaged in the decision making and be involved in thought process rather than offered with options to select from.
 

denise80

Active Member
Somehow with parents getting more educated and having less kids these days, I find parents more protective of their kids...some are overly protective and this is not healthy...
 

matka

Member
Milo, this will have to be adjusted as they gain maturity. At this age, they are unable to see the consequences of various actions, so we'll need to guide them.
 

cococherry

New Member
Gave her choices like carry to a certain distance only and she will need to walk by then but the moment u put her down and she will start crying. somehow my friend have lost control of her and she always give in to her request in order not to make a scene in public. imagine a 30kg little girl shouting NO NO NO continously in mall, on bus in train and will kick / hit u back

matka, it's not hereditary.
 

susanna_low

New Member
My frd's gal who's 4yo can be v angelic when she's well-behaved but when her parents not around, her behaviour can be very extreme like greedy, snatching food/toys that doesn't belong to her, short-tempered, scolding and beat other children when she's not in the right mood.

Her parents are strict towards her but yet this happened. I don't know what can I do to help her too.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"Just a suggestion, maybe your friend and make her girl feel embarrassed needing to be treated like a baby?"

VS

"If this is single kid, best is to MAKE USE of other people's kid outside and help her mingle and set an example.

"Other kid can walk, and shame shame you still need to be carried in front of them..."


similar context... but once worded by scope becomes 'golden advise' while others are "no experience, no brains, no science, no culture, no nothing but craps..."

watching, are you reading this?
 

denise80

Active Member
Milo, haha yes..I noticed this in other threads too. I gave similar advice at one point and later on, he too gave similar advice but his is considered correct while all of us are wrong hahahaha...I think he's too self-absorbed that he just doesn't want to take in others' views.

For instance, I mentioned the importance for socialisation process...how is this a far cry fr his 'help her mingle' judging from his outrageous accusation that we know nothing? LOL...
 

scopefun

New Member
Never read carefully and like to comment... laughing like idiots.

Pathetic.

Similar...? 差之毫厘,谬之åƒé‡Œ~呵呵呵~

你们真的是一群无耻å°äººã€‚
 

susanna_low

New Member
My frd's daughter really pissed me to the max.

We co-shared transport and I fetch her home from school.

When she's in a happy mood, she's angelic and well-behaved but when in a grouchy mood, she treat the other children as her venting trash, screaming and kicking like a mad child. If I have a choice, I will throw her out of the window.

Finally, I lose my temper n shouted at her today at the top of my voice, she cried all the way home and I ignored her.

However I do not want her parents to think that the adults treated her child unfairly and tarnished our friendship as they doesn't get to see all this and she's well-behaved when they are around.

Her mood swing is really terrible and hardly get along with the other children without flaring up at the slightest manner. When others are playing, she will scream and start to wave her fist around, boxing whoever who reply her. I never seen a 4yo child behave like that before.

She really gave me a major headache and how I wished that she's not in the same class as my ger, very difficult to discipline her too as she's not my child.
 

tomasulu

Member
This Scope guy is stupid. Needs urgent lobotomy stupid. His kids are probably fat and psychopathic as well.
 

yesno333

Member
For a child that is extremely naughty...it only reflect poorly on the parents..spare the rod and spoil the child....just buy a good cane outside...wrap some rubber bands on the cane tip so that each hit on the child will really hurts a lot... then beat the crap out of the kid the next time he/she is naughty...that will surely ensure that they wun be naughty next time...
 

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