A Relax Room for the BTB to release their stress!

[decent_gal]

Hey all BTB I created this thread is to gather all the BTB to release their stress,fustration for the upcoming wedding....recently I am busy preparing for my wedding and really stress when the date is near..morever I am also working...double stress..need to relax....feel free to vent all fustration and stress which you have faced in this thread...

 

[key_word07]

Haha..katherine. I found your thread. Nice chatting with u in MSN.
Ya...especially when the date drawn closer...more and more stress man!!
I think for me the most frustrating is the guest list. hehe

 

[rubberducky]

My biggest frustrations must be working with the actual day programme. Dunno why, but as the date draws near, I'm beginning to feel like so many people have (different!) expectations - and that the FH and I are the ones expected to give in! From the future MIL (who sudenly seems so demanding ) to my own relatives to even my bridesmaid...

Anyone other bride who feels that the wedding is really so NOT about the couple???! Sometimes I feel like, as the bride, my wishes and feelings actually come last.

...


Ok, vent over. *Phew* Thanks Katherine, for coming up with this thread!

 

[decent_gal]

hey twinkle Star thks for supporting this thread..hehe nice chatting with you on msn too...

Quack...for me I personally feel that wedding is supposed to be for the couple but end up have to give in to others. During the preparation, my husband and I intend to throw our wedding date on 11/11/2007 and we are selected the date happily but there is a strong ojection from my mum's sister (aunty) coz that day is my grandma birthday and she worry may clash with my grandma.I check with shifu and lucky its ok to proceed with the date...so Quack i can feel your fustration...anyway others only can give in suggestion but ultimately the final decision lies on u & FH. As long as both of you are happy...just proceed with what you want to do coz its your wedding....btw when is your wedding wor????

 

[key_word07]

Hi Quack & Katherine,

Same feeling exactly.U know sometimes not only had to deal with hubby family..even my own mum had alot of expectation out of us. As like what u have say...this wedding no longer about US..but about how to please everyone..and accomodate to everyone expectations and demand. Really stressful.
Sometime i really feel tat this can get over soon..and back to my normal life!!

 

[decent_gal]

Twinkle Star

I agree with what you said..Our wedding eventually becomes their wedding..sometime when my mum come out with more things..I will also argue back..hahaha.....then I tell her don't give me so much work if not I will cancel the whole wedding..hehe...sound like threatening hor but I don't mean to use this words to say to her..aiyooo our wedding preparation so stressed liao and plus our daily work and also others misc....i worry that before my wedding I may go crazy...then will become a crazy bride...

Well twinkle satr..our date is drawing nearer and I believe that our wedding preparation stress can get over soon but will continue next chapter of stress again...

 

[victoria_ching088]

Hey ladies..
I agree!!ALL THE MONEY AND EFFORTS!!I don't feel happy at all athough i am the one getting married. I just feel like calling off the whole thing.
Everybody(My IN LAW ESPECIALLY) seem to be bo chup when come to their area(THEIR GUEST LIST)but yet they wanted us to meet all their expectation (ALL THE GDL CUSTOMS AND REQUIREMENTS,GUEST SITTING ARRANGEMENTS LIKE WHO WHO WHO MUST SIT IN FRONT,WHO WHO WHO MUST SIT WITH WHO WHO WHO!!THEN GDL AND AN CHUANG DATE NEVER BORTHER TO GIVE US!!Dun you find it a very ridiculous?!! Feel like we are always the giving party!!What more can i say?

 

[decent_gal]

Dear Victoria..can feel your fustration and also your anger..if not you wont be posting in this thread in CAPs. gal, take it cool and steady...we are going thru all this is not for the sake of other but ourself and we must try to be happy (in fact I am trying to be be calm eventhough sometime really want to burst liao)

 

[rubberducky]

Hi girls, I guess if we are all facing the same stress, it must be normal. At least, that's what I'm telling myself to make me feel better.

My wedding in in Nov - less than 2 months to go. I really feel like calling off the whole thing sometimes, and just doing a disappearing act.

Katherine, there is no way we can just do what makes us happy - if so, I wouldn't be feeling so stressed and unhappy leow.

I feel like there is so much frustration bottled up, I don't even know where to start to explain.

At moments like now, I really wish the FH never proposed & I never said yes. Life would be so much easier then.

 

[decent_gal]

Hi Morning Quack...erm I think this is what we have to go through..although we are stressed but make sure its worth our stress and efforts...hehe..if you FH don't proposed..life will be much easier as you dun have to be stress..but have you ever think...you will envy other BTB who is busy preparing for their wedding..

Lastly at the moment now...we must really take care of our health

 

[key_word07]

Haha...lets count down together...hope our misery will end fast.
My friends always encourage me..they say things will just fall into places on tat day..dun worry too much. Well..think back..ya..we dun have to toture ourself with all short of requirements and expectation where it is just a one day event. Just do our best in whatever we feel happy..can liao. I think i feel better now. Katherine,Victoria & Quack..this is a once in a lifetime event..we should enjoy the process...... we all Jia YOU together k?!

Other brides...if you feel stress just come in a vent out you frustration. We have each other support here.

 

[decent_gal]

yeh twinkle stars I agreed with you...we should enjoy the process but not jia you coz later cannot wear our gown...hehehehe

 

[musjan]

Hi girls,

Feel compelled to join in the conversation coz i am in the same situation as you all. Initially mum says everything up to me & HTB to decide. Now she says she will take charge of that. Actually not much issue in that, in fact, it helps to take a load off my mind since I am so busy with work etc. However, coz HTB is a Malay so there are some things that may need a little bit more attention and Mum may not understand. Haiz, trying to balance both religions, both sets of families etc....

Think abit also coz I am stressing myself out, hoping to do most of things myself as it will form part of the memories. Was hoping to handmade some stuff but no time to do so....

But still quite lucky that friends around me have been quite encouraging...

So ladies, take heart, we will all "survivie" and look our most radiant self on our big day...

 

[necrosis]

morning girls...

so good that you are all around to encourage each other...
really, as a bride, it's a u nique experience that others cannot really understand unless they've been there.

keep up the diets/excercise/smiling/good cheer as the day draws nearer!!

 

[decent_gal]

Hey ladies thaks for supporting this thread and I feel that there is really a need to vent our fustration and stress here..hehehe...since I was a young gal I feel that wedding is a beautiful event..and really envy the bride who look like a princess in the WG.However now I understand that kind of stress we have to go through.But when think back its worth it to exchange for that particular Big Day. So ladies..I can understand the kind of stress and fustration you all are going through..No worries...once your Big Day is over...you can be back to your daily rountine life......lastly bear this in mind...its only once a lifetime...God Bless

 

[rubberducky]

Hi Girls,

It's so nice to hear your words of encouragement. Dunno why, but it counts for alot - maybe because we're in the same boat?! Lol. I spoke to a friend who told me to just smile, look pretty and say 'YES' to every single request from every single person. Then go ahead to plan things my way. Heheheh. If only hor?

Her rationale is that no one is going to scold me when things turn out different from what they expect that day. Or even if I do kena scolding, I can just act blur. Heheheh. But her 'advice' did make me feel better. Must bear in mind that our role on that day is just to be a ditzy princess!

 

[decent_gal]

dear quack...of course we must encourage each other at this point of crucial time..we emotionally need support and also a listening ear...haha..recently i feel so easily tense up and stressed...seem like when date is drawing near..feel like dun want to get married...hahaha...

 

[key_word07]

Ya..i totally agree....more and more things le...but we all mustn't give up!! We have each other here....Need any advise just pop in and ask..i am sure somebody got a answer to your question. Btw ladies...do u girls face problems with ur parents and IL's guest list?? I realise tat my IL just invite...but din borther to check if they are coming. I am so worried. I told them need to call them to ask if they comning down. She say HUH? Must call one..then very reluntant. I very stress,cos we r paying for their tables!! Now i gona ask my hubby to call his relatives..but he also haven't settle his own guest list yet! Poor Hubby!!!

 

[rubberducky]

Hi girls, do you give out the invitationss to all your relatives personally? FH's mother is expecting us to do that for their side - very sian!!

 

[decent_gal]

aiyoooo..I also facing some problems doing the guests lists....so fustrating la....coz I will be the one consolidating the lists and work out the seat arrangements....u knw la..those who know each other want to sit together so they wont feel bored..haighhhh....like those school children...hehehe....best part is some of my hubby's friend i still need to call and confirm if they are coming....I tink as for the finalise part have to wait for the invitation card to be distributed to the guest then can know liao..

 

[victoria_ching088]

YES QUACK!! My MIL will definately want us to drive her around to distribute out the invitation card to their relatives!! So i told my own parents if they can go on their own since they have car,luckily my parents are understanding. Beside to distribute my PIL's side invitations,we got to distribute our friends!! so many things to do. But my PIL dun seem to be lent a helping hand!! Think already very PISS OFF!

 

[minolta01]

HI all,

My AD is next year March. And I'm feeling stress already.

Especially with the money issues... sigh.

And I foreseen I will meet with more unexpected 'requests and demands' from both us of our parents.

 

[cutienottikitty]

hi girls...glad i found this thread....

my AD will be in 19 days... 18 days after it hit midnight... and yet... it seems like more and more problems are coming up...

on my parents side... actually no problem..which is good cos normally it's the girl's side that is more demanding...the problematic side is actually htb's family.. talk about it already want to explode..

his parents, both bo chap... so no one to advice him what to do....to simplify things, my parents told him... no need to follow customs... we do without customs and simplfy things... easier for us young pple...

so happily, he send his invites to all his relatives... and this is where the problem starts... they called his parents and say WHY DID NOT SEND PERSONALLY??? HOW COME DID NOT COME WITH CAKES AND INVITES??? and his parents also... did not advice, just know how to tell my htb that they received complain that my htb did not do this, did not do that... can u imagine that??? they both already bo chap, still got the cheek to tell my htb he's in the wrong.... really..these type of future pil.. i really can kill them..

luckily, my htb's youngest auntie( he got a big big family) defended him... telling the relatives... GUYS WHERE GOT GIVE CAKES ONE??? Only girl side give... and if need to door to door give invites & cakes, most of the time is the girl side do... the guy side at most just give invites but no cakes... also, the girl cannot follow the guy to give invites cos it will appears to the relatives that the girl too eager to marry... so of coz, not knowing all these, my htb just gave my side cakes to give...and just mail all his invites...his youngest auntie also told all the OLD relatives that it's lucky they received an invite by mail cos nowadays, YOUNG pple only send via sms or e-invite... so ncie of this aountie to defend..

so my htb got to call each adn every auntie and uncles to apologise... and also to tell them that he dun mean to be disrespectful..just that his parents did not tell him, dun want to tell him, bo chap...

worse of all, they so bo chap cos according to one of his aunties, his mum told her that she rather he not married... then he can stay with them until they die and only feed them... how SELFISH can a parents get??? wishing that their kids dun marry so that he can feed them forever??? my htb is almost hitting 40... how much long do they want him to stay single???

and they can still be so hypocrite... can tell me they are happy he is geting married... especially the mother...can say she is happy he is getting married, now can die in peace... i bet she is just afriad of dying... so now he married, she got to keep her "promise" and can die already lah... one more ting is always using "she is depressed" as an excuse for anything she done wrongly... always say die die die... wah lau... how can someone stay sane if keeps on saying die?? dun make me angry lor..if not i will just tell her..u want to die go and die lah..the window is open big big...dun just say want to die... do it... action speaks louder than words...

i feel like i'm being backstab here... so i'm not going to be nice to them anymore... the relatives want to be nasty, i'll be nastier... i'm not called chilli padi for nothing...

================================================

pheezz... now i feel so much better... thanks for starting this thread...=D

 

[rubberducky]

Hi Girls!

Katherine, I so understand and empathise!! Lol! I was actually writing out all the invitations over the weekend - including the ones addressed to FH's friends. And he was totally NOT helping - changing his mind about who to invite, and adding more names to my list of names without first checking if there's even space for these extra people at dinner!! What is it with guys?!

Victoria, guess we're in the same boat then.

Minolta, not to scare you, but I'm pretty sure things will get worse. Lol! ;P Seriously, I thought everything was great until the last 3-4 months, when all hell broke loose. Just tell yourself that you can make it through!!

Cutie, oh dear. Just take it that the old folks are just concerned lah - in one ear, out the other. (That's what I've been telling myself too). At least your HB's youngest auntie is siding you guys - what a lovely lady!

 

[cutienottikitty]

hi quack... thanks... i totally understand what u going thru with FH.... mine too... write out so many invites...didn't even keep some for me... despite me telling him the no. of invites i needed... in the end, got to reprint the inserts etc.... and now, he still short of inserts, cards... dun know how many he going to invite... sighz... just as i thot 35 tables a little too much to cope already..

luckily the youngest auntie is siding with us...also some other younger aunties...if not.. can die..even his own sister also tell him... dun bother about those old bones...=P and dun let them ruin our wedding mood... that is what i'm trying not to let them do... ruin the wedding... cos it's my wedding..they like they come, i'll be polite... they dun like...can dun come... i dun care..hehe.

thanks quack...

 

[rubberducky]

Hi Cutie,

No prob gal! *pat pat* At least your FH has the initiative to write his own invites, lol! Who knew that it'd be so stressful and traumatic being a bride right?! Lol! I'm usually very vocal when it comes to my beliefs - but dunno why, when it comes to the wedding, I've been pushed around left, right, centre... In the end, I give up!

Going with the flow is so much easier - maybe we won't get to exactly where we want to go, but at least there'll be no bloodshed during the ride right? Haha. Just focus on the nice people who say nice things. As for the rest, just smile vaguely and look pretty. In one ear, out the other!

You can do it!

 

[decent_gal]

Hey quack...finally I can get my invitation card today and more things to come liao..have to write the invitation card..hope that my HB don't ask me to write for him or else I will kick his ass...hahaha....coz I still have a lunch buffet in the noon at my mum side and also need to get ready the invitation card....for my mum...aiyooo...

hmm cutie...I can feel your fustration & anger..take it easy my sweet lady..hehe I created this thread is to vent out all our fustration as we have all the pretty BTB to encourage & console each other...during this period for the preparation of my wedding I can really feel "suan tian ku la" although we feel the stress....I believe that we can overcome...in fact the wedding preparation is great & beautiful experience to our life...morever its only once a lifetime...so we should be glad that we have the chance to go through all......ladies....wemust really also take care of ourself...remember..WE CAN DO IT!!!

 

[decent_gal]

hey ladies..so quiet this few days....seem everyone is busy preparing for the wedding...

 

[key_word07]

Ya..busy busy month for all of us man!hehe
Very stress as alot of ppl not yet RSVP with us..but we cannot chase after them as it seem rude.Esp the bosses and not so close colleagues.Any girls have any suggestion what is the most poliet way to ask them to RSVP urgently??? Now our tables exceed what we have expected initially!!! We need to confirm with those not yet RSVP with us..if they are not coming..maybe then there is not a need for us to book for more tables!!!!!!!!How arh????????????

 

[decent_gal]

wow twinkle stars me also having same problems...i also exceed the tables initially we expected...therefore i request for spare tables from the restaurant.....so sianz....dunno wat the guests up to also la..can come means can come..cant come just tell us lor...haighhh still have to take their own sweet time to revert...

 

[key_word07]

Ya lor gal..some guest really take their own sweet time one lei..very sianz one lor.

 

[decent_gal]

wow manage to confirm some of the guest list during office hour..hehe.....already done my ordering buffet.....erm still haven order my roast pig

 

[tassiea]

I'm really pissed cos my grandma say she is not attending my wedding. Why? Cos she say we did not return part of the grandma Angbao that my hubby side gave to her, and she say she got no face to come and see my PIL. She thinks my PIL will say she's greedy. But the truth is its my PIL who say that that Angbao is not meant to be return any part or thereof!! We asked on the day of GDL. In fact she is unhappy as she has no say in my wedding guest list as she got tons of kampong neighbours and relatives to invite. PPle I have not met in my life!! I already have a big extended family that will fill 11 tables and got no room for these extra pple. I cannot be bothered if she is not coming. But somehow I am under threat that my uncles and aunts will boycott my wedding due to her unreasonableness and has to pay her a visit to invite her. My dad has threaten to cut off all ties with his mother and siblings if they do not come. I dun understand why such pple like my grandma who exist. Troublemaker. In fact she barred my grandpa who has since passed away, to attend his daughter/ my aunt wedding 20 years ago!! It already shows her warped thinking. We are already so busy with the details cos the wedding is this sat and she is coming to stir shit and get attention. Mind you, she is not the star of the event. Argh!!!!

 

[decent_gal]

Hi Tassie,the wedding prep bound to have many obstacles (coz I also having some internal family problems also) No matter what is it,remember this > "Wedding is a happy occasion" & this is only once a lifetime so we must cherish the wedding prep and make the only big day a memorable ones...DON'T LET OTHERS INFLUENCE OUR MOOD!

 

[twinkle_stars]

Hi Katherine

I think I knw who u are =)) Just saw u at my hse last Sunday during ur GDL..

 

[key_word07]

Hi Tassie

Since ur grandma is not happy to come, just let her be ba.No matter what she is the elder..still have to respect her..Just do ur part by paying her a visit and invite her to come.If in the end she play difficult and still dun want to come.Let her be and respect her decision. Dun force her. If your relatives talk behide ur back & bycott the dinner it only show tat how immature they are.The problems lies with them, not you! You have ur dad to stand by you right? I mean we won't want to force someone who will be unhappy to come isn't it? I also already KAN KAI liao...those wanna come come...those dun wanna come i cannot control. I rather those FUSSY PPL they dun come than come and then MAKE ALOT OF noises and spoiled the beautiful ambience of the wedding.

 

[graceyong]

Tassie.. of anything I TOTALLY SUPPORT You and your dad for doing that. Realy, it is not worth it. if you uncle / aunty really no show, quick change your friends to sit up to the table (remind your bridemaids).

So don't worry, no one would notice the empty seats! my grandma gave me tonnes of problems on my wedding, and i totally know how you feel as i been through. SO GO GIRL> don't even bother about it !!!

 

[decent_gal]

hi Twinkle stars....u saw me at your house??? erm dun tell me u are one of my husband's relatives?? haha...

 

[porky_jean]

hi Tassie,

so sad to hear about your problem abt ur grandma...lucky that ur dad & family still support u.

just to share my experience.
during my GDL, my grandma return the full amount of angbao back to my IL side leh. actually my IL also say no need to return...but since my grandma insist to return then they also did not reject loh...i also do not know about the traditional saying lah, but anyway is not my problem loh. as long as both side is happy can liao.

some elderly are like tat lah, my grandma did not ask for anything from my IL side, but my dad's elder sister (my gugu) keep asking for many things loh. like pig trotters & ah ma biscuits...is as if their daughter getting married loh ! then she also insisted that we have to go door to door to give the invitation cards. so troublesome loh. we thot can just send by post mah. only my parents side that we need to give personally right. my dad & mum also never request for so much stuff from my IL side leh...anything that can be represent by angbao will be better loh. really pissed off with those ppl that wanna involve in our wedding out of no where.

 

[twinkle_stars]

Hi Katherine

Bingo!

Im his cousin..lool

So qiao to c u in sgbrides forum

So hw's ur wedding prep? 11/11 coming soon le...excited?

 

[decent_gal]

Hey Twinkle Stars...yeah I am rite...hahaha...so coincidence that you are here also..erm our prep so far 7788 liao lor...looking forward to next sun lor...and also see you next sun..btw..heard from my hubby that yours is next year march rite....? so how is your prep so far...erm you u have msn? care to add me in [email protected]. I appreciate if we can chat there...

Cheers!

 

[twinkle_stars]

Hi Katherine

Added u in msn. We chat over there.

 

[snowbell42]

hi gals.. tis thread really makes me wanna vent my frustration here s well...

my AD is few weeks later.. really v stressed now.. 'cos my hse n wedding is together.. i really m broke now.. s the contractor is my mum's fren, she (my mum) helped me n my hb to pay for it first, but its oni recently tht i know my mum borrowed $ fr my sis to settle part of the reno.. 'cos whenever i asked my mum if the contractor has passed her the bill, she said no.. ended up she paid partially already.. so we had to thk of ways to earn some $ to give her back the $

s for my wedding part.. initially was ok.. till when we started gg for the food tasting, like wht u gals experienced.. they want us (me n hb) to change tis n tht 'cos they dun like

shortly after tht.. began to ask me to change even my wedding favours to choc.. which initially i chose wedding bears & some figurines.. in the end seem like i m supposed to change almost everything for my wedding..

after knowing my hotel ballroom is the cornered one.. began to say the guest tables will b messy etc 'cos of the shape of the ballroom (not square shaped).. sigh..

so pissed.. ended up i cried so much till i tell my hb y cant they plan everything then juz ask me to b present on my AD?

juz last nite my sis commented tht 'cos of my wedding, everyone in my hse is broke!!!! i even asked her how much my mum borrowed fr her.. she ended up tell me i dun need to pay her back.. she juz passing a comment!!!

it's during the guest list arrangement, then my parents tell me shd have taken up honeymoon wedding instead!!!

out of a sudden, i really wish i can leave sg or cancel tis whole wedding.. really v pissed over it .. never in my life have i feel so broke n upset!!!!

really feel i m on the verge of a major breakdown soon esp when i m home!!!

 

[twinkle_stars]

Hi Snowbell

Dun be upset. U can slowly pay ur mum bk for the renovation cost in instalments after ur wedding. This probably could keep ur sis away from all her passing comments.

As for the food, u can check with the hotel whether can change one or two dishes at no cost or at minimum. If pricing is not wat u r looking for, just let ur family knws tat both u n ur hb hv a budget to stick to in order not to overspend.

Rmbr this, its UR WEDDING. U can let others share in the joy but not obligated to satisfy everybody wants and needs.

Be a happy bride.

 

[snowbell42]

Hi Twinkle,

managed to have a chance to have a tok wif my mum last nite.. already told her to get the bill fr the contractor 'cos i also mentioned to her tht me n hb intend to get a reno loan fr the bank which requires our reno bill.. n she also agreed tht it's better to get the loan.. which means she has not paid the contractor at all.. which means i also not sure wht she used the $ she borrowed fr my sis for liao...

ya the menu for the banquet is settled.. which i not sure they will like it anot.. 'cos i also changed the ones she said not nice to sth else which is w/o any change in the cost per table.. sigh..

guess i m a softie lor.. i will do whtever they tell me to till i get peace in my ears.. juz hope tis new change in the menu is gd enuff for them lor.. anyway they wanna object to the menu is also too late.. the next round of "tasting" is during the AD itself haha so they also have to accept it even if it's even worse or juz s bad s during the food tasting

so when is ur AD? everything ok at ur side now?

 

[decent_gal]

Hi Snowbell...glad that you have managed to settle with your mum regarding the reno bill..well don't let money spoil the relationship with your mum or whoever...ermm..i can say don't be too softie till everyone climbs on top of you...hehe..you have to be firm at times lor...you cannot always accomodate to others requests or need..this is your wedding so you must be happy as its only once a lifetime...don't let others influence you...there is always bound to face obstacles during the wedding prep...so if you feel fustrated you can vent all your fustration in this thread and all the BTB can lend u listening ears and also give you all the morale support...

 

[tassiea]

Thanks Katherine, Twinkle Stars, Jean and Grace for support. I'm not so upset anymore. Too busy to be upset. Just hope that everything turns out well tomorrow. My mom called my aunt and uncles, they should be coming.My dad is eldest, have to give him some face right. But I think I will still pre-empt my reception to make necessary changes if possible. Good advice. Thanks! All the best in your prep, everyone!

 

[snowbell42]

thanks kat.. ya i m feeling slightly better now... really hope tis commotion will end real soon.. mentally tired abt it haha really wish i can let it go n dun bother abt it at all..

 

[decent_gal]

hey all BTB wedding is only once a lifetime and we must cherish every moments of the preparation & procedures....eventhough we have to face obstacles and stress from others...this is to train us how to be independent to handle stress and eventually we can know how to handle our marriage ba..hehe..

 

[snowbell42]

kat.. haha i hope so man... sekali tis is oni the beginning.. but like wht pple always said.. marriage is not juz abt 2 of us.. but between 2 famiies.. even till now for my sis's case.. it's really between 2 families..