got house also can annul... especially when u haven't change your ic to your new house addy... or you can bpth testify haven't that one party has not move in yet.. or insist you stay in separate rooms... only both of u know.. hard to prove..
pinkbuttons, my sympathies....my mil was like that when she refused to eat her hormone pills...usually during menopausal...mabbe that's what's happening to ur MIL? my mil will say silly things like sesame oil is not made from sesame seeds & argue wiv me lor...now she's better but i still scared to live with her (lucky now dont have to). good luck..and most imptly, follow ur heart.
Wah lau...if like dat, u also tell ur hubby, u will also tell HIS mother to get out of the house. She like drama just GIVE her drama lah...sorry if it's too much, but being a 3rd party jus READING the situation u're in makes my blood boil...can imagine ur frustration, PB. U have our support. Now that it involves ur mother, your MIL is damn too much liao...u must not jus protect urself, but ur mom's pride as well.
pinkbuttons, I always believe in restraint when dealing with in-laws. However, the latest request is just too much. You should tell your hb to get this straight.
Your MIL can be nasty to you and can also be nasty to your mom. But tell your hb that your mom is his MIL and he has to show some respect. Ask him to stand up to his mom. As a SIL, he can't just be rude and say such things to your mom. I don't believe you should take this lying down.
And I don't understand why are you still staying there with your mom.
i agree, it's really the last straw. i told my hb off when he mentioned it, then he said he has no choice. his mom is pressuring him to say it, & she wants to be around to listen. he said he doesn't want to do so, which is why he's fore-warning me to tell my mom that he needs to 'act' out a scene for his mother to see.
he initially wanted to do so this morning, but i told him must at least wait till i take a day off from work. i don't want them to create a scene & i'm not there to protect her.
further, i just found a place, will be moving asap. i've consulted quite a few ppl & more or less decided on what path to take.
thanks for your concern everyone, will update you again soon once i've settled at least some of these issues once & for all.
if my hb say tt to my mum and his mum is staying in my house... i make sure she get out first..
becoz the house nt mil...
in NO WAY shld ur hubby say tt to ur mum...
dear pinkbutton, this is far too much...there is no compromise in this i can tell u.. nobody would allow pple to say tt to their own mum.. u are being such a nice lady to let tt siao woman stay there...
please do not allow ur hubby to do tt for a show or watever...
if he dare say tt.. say in front of ur mil back tt she is overstaying.. if wan ur mum to leave..can... she must pack and go too
its good that you have now found a place. moving house is kindda stressful, but hey keep your spirits up because you are gonne be free from all these time-wasting arguments with MIL. You have more important things to do. Yey ! free free ..... close 1 door and look forward to opening another door of new beginnings !
Hi PB, hope u'r doin great n keeping yrself strong, all here supports u, be brave.
As for yr hb's request, pls asked him to go fly a kite n if he really shows disrespect for yr mom be it acting or not, tell him tat u shld also have the right to tell his mom to get out of yr hse. I thk u shld stand firm on this issue there is no compromise.
Am glad u found a place, am sure u'll be much happier. Blessings to u
PB, tell your Hb you can say it to his mother as well if he dares to say it to your mum. too much.. even 'acting' it just shows how coward he is. the mum wants and he will say it?? why dun you ask your hb to look at this thread you have started and let him see himself in other ppl's eyes?? if he dun beg for forgiveness after that.. he is better off dead.
Like everyone else here, I'm incensed too just by reading your accounts. Where are your hubby's priorities? He chose you as his wife. He didn't have a choice in mother. So rightfully, he should be taking responsibility and protecting you.
Please do let us give him a good scolding.
I am not sure if this helps, but you can try contacting AWARE (www.aware.org.sg) as they have a legal clinic who might be able to give you information from an objective perspective - than one from a lawyer who may be pursuing your case from a monetary point of view.
Have you and your hubby gone for any marital counselling?
PB...be strong and well, keep us updated on your situation. Since u're moving out, somehow as 3rd party, felt bo kam guan...but i agree with JCYS, why cant u do the same to HIS mom? Tell him in advance too that u're going to do X and X...ie ask his mom to leave and ask HIM to be prepared too. Does he think that telling u in advance lessen the pain of the act itself?
I wish I could tell his mom to get out of the house, but I know itâ€™ll only make things even more ugly than they already are. Immediately, sheâ€™ll get her gang of relatives to come up to the house then Iâ€™ll be outnumbered right? Sheâ€™s still pissed over being scolded by my dad, cos she still feels sheâ€™s right, & my dad has no right to reprimand her. She can scold all she wants, but she cannot be scolded back.
Iâ€™m a bit at a loss over what to do. Shld I seek legal advice? My parents & family feel it best to file for separation. They feel that since my hb canâ€™t even shield me from his own mother, how is he expected to take care of me for the rest of my life? They think Iâ€™ll be better off without him, which I agree, but just very disappointed & rather heartbroken that it has to come to this.
My aunt consulted a shifu in Malaysia over my problems, supposed to be very good. Normally I donâ€™t believe in geomancy or fortune-telling, but this particular shifu mentioned a lot of things which are very specific & detailed. Not the usual general mumbo-jumboâ€¦ some of the things he mentioned were specific details / info which I discovered recently but never mentioned to anyone. Note that he never even met me or my hb, nor has he (or my aunt) even stepped into my house before. All he was given was our address, names & birthdate. Even a non-believer like me is amazed. For e.g.:
1. he looked at our birth dates & said the wife earns more money than the husband (which is true)
2. he said that my mil never liked me from the very beginning. She likes another girl, & wishes her to be her dil, but cos her son chose me, she had no choice but to go along with the wedding first, then decide what to do later. (remember that I mentioned in an earlier post abt my mil wanting to intro hbâ€™s cousinâ€™s ex-girlfriend?)
3. we had entrusted my mil to choose a good wedding date. When the shifu looked at our wedding date which my mil chose for us, and immediately said that itâ€™s a very bad day. He said any proper fengshui master would be able to tell us that, & he said my mil is very vicious, purposely trying all means to tear me & my hb apart.
4. he said that my house is â€˜dirtyâ€™ & that there are â€˜little ghostsâ€™ in our house. He then asked my aunt if there are those â€˜fuâ€™ hanging in our place (sorry, dunno how to say â€“ those yellow paper with Chinese writing on it). Anyway, there are 2 which my mil had put up â€“ and the shifu correctly pointed out that thereâ€™s 1 red one & another yellow one, with black ink. On this point, my mum had felt very uncomfortable when she initially arrived, & felt that thereâ€™s something not right though she never mentioned to my aunt about that.
My aunt asked the shifu for advice, he said to immediately move out of the house (at that point I had yet to find a plc). He said that to continue on with the marriage would mean more suffering on my end, & that my mil would never accept me, and she would never change.
PB, btw, if the shifu so accurate, did he mention how to 'po jie'? for the xiao gui, for wat i noe, if u enagaged another medium to fight and if the xiao gui lose, it will kena the person who enagaged them.
i tink ur MIL beri the evil. hope she will lose control of the xiao gui one day and she will suffer the retribution.
wah kaoz so evil. hope she burns in hell 4 all dis bad things done!
ummm yeah anyway 2 counter? maybe ur hubby is under her spell? can find out where she hides her voodoo & show it 2 ur hubby? mayb it can shock him awake?
my fren used 2 b under a similar situation until i pointed out all e suspicious things 2 her which sort of shock her out of it & she went 2 a medium who said dat she was under a spell...
u gotta beware cos aft dat my fren's ex bf tot dat its her mum's fault & cast a 'spell' on her mum...
walamak your mil play with this kindda stuff ah, then u better get out asap liao, just immediately file for separation.
this probably explains for your mil extreme behavior, probably the evil spirits are getting at her. better get away becoz you'd never know what she'll do if she's suddenly possessed by those evil stuff. geez.. don't think about digging into her stuff to search for those evil storage, don't risk yourself getting involved with this kindda things.
Hm.... PB i thk u ought to really thk abt wat u want out of all these. Do u still luv yr HB n want to hang on to yr marriage hoping for a miracle. Or u thk u'r better off w/o him, starting afresh, remember u'r still young n can find smeone who can protect n luv u, which i am sure there are many waiting!
Well as for yr MIL, leave it! Those who do evil unto others usually get back x3 of wat they did, maybe not now, but in the future.
i don't know anythg abt fortune telling, so i hve no comments but i thk u shld think for yrself n yr parents. Yr happiness depends on u n no one else can help u in making tat decision.
Be strong n b brave.
so sorry to hear the latest development. Your hubby is a real coward. Really must ask him to go and fly kite. How can he ever think of "acting" it out just to show his mother? He really cannot stand up to protect you. Ask him this " if your mum ask u to jump out of the window which would mean he will die, will he do it? I really cant believe it.
Guess with or without the shifu's words, it's best to get out of that place. It sounds like hell to us. I am sure you have all of us supporting you to get out of that evil place.
PB...wondering if u're gonna share the shifu findings with ur hubby? better not...cos knowing ur hubby, he will sure "guai-guai" go and report to his mom. ANyway, i agree with Diana, this kind of pple who practise "black magic" sure kena possessed by the ghost they "breed"..so move out now...
Hi PB, I would suggest that you not tell your hb anything about this at all.
As for all the things that the shifu pointed out, I think you know yourself how accurate he is right? So whether to believe or not, it's really entirely up to you.
If your mil really dabbled in things like the xiao gui, then you should find out if there's any "cure" to it. Come to think of it, maybe your hb is also under influence, that's why he is at such a loss when dealing with both of you.
Best for you is to seek legal advice first, so that you can prepare yourself for it when the time comes. After you have moved out, then deal with the decision to divorce.
everyday i would be praying ever since i read ur situation...everyday i would come into this forum and immediately check to see if things had improve btw ur hubby and u...i think all of us care for u, PB, due to the "injustice" u suffered...pls stay strong...
pinkbuttons, I guess it is best to look forward and not backwards. Actually I always have misgiving about advising people to give up their marriage but in this instance, your HB seems to be a forgone conclusion. OMG, when you have actually moved out and he is telling you that his mum is arranging him to meet up with a girl? What is he thinking? He has no mind of his own?
I hope you can be strong and move forward in life.
Hi PB, I've been reading this thread but dun think there's much else to add since everyone has already posted similar thoughts on your case. I just cannot understand how come your hb can be so weak in the face of his mum such that he cannot even ask you to stay when you decided to go for separation... somemore tell you that his mum is arranging for him to meet the other gal. Hey, is that gal mad or what... doesn't she know that you hb and you are still legally married?? Hope she finds out what a freak your MIL is and run far far away...
my hb didn't agree to his mum's proposed meet-up. think the girl's in the dark over my mil's intentions too.
when i mentioned separation, my hb said that since to divorce we need to be married for min 3 yrs, why don't i move back & we get divorced 3 yrs later? i told him he was being silly. i can't even stand his mom after 3 months, how does anyone expect me to survive the next 3 yrs with her?
apparently his mum asked him, is it if she moves out, then only i'll return? supposedly she's now testing her son by saying she wants to buy a plc of her own to see his reaction (with financial assistance from her son, of course - think she thinks her son is some ATM machine or something).
i pointed out to my hb that his mom is always playing some sort of mind game, and i'm very tired of her 'games'. these sort of games i can do without.
pinkbuttons, I know you HB may not agree to meet-up but why he need to tell you that his mother arranged for a meet-up and especially so if he has no intention. What is he trying to tell you? Or he is just a parrot and repeats after what his mother is saying?
PB, pls remember to take back every cent u hv paid for even tat mean ur hubby will be left wif no $$. be hard hearted and do it, coz this will be the only way to show ur nasty mil wat harm she hv brought to her own son by being so evil.
i hope if eventually the gal marry ur husband, she will be like a chinese opera show which i watch before, where the MIL dun like her DIL as her dowry was nt good enough. so she play mind games and get her son to 'xiu' the wife and get him to marry another rich gal she selected. however, the rich gal is aware of wat the wife hv gone and marry the son to teach the MIL a lesson. afterwhich the MIL realised her mistake and happy ending. as for ur case, i juz hope tat the gal ur MIL like will treat her like shit if she really marry ur husband then she will finally realise her dream of being ill treated by her own DIL!!!
It is really pre-mature to talk about the other potential DIL yet.
Really for PB, the 1st step is to move out. Now she has done that, that is a good first step. Then now she shall see how MIL and HB behave. If they continue to act as if nothing as happen and even want to find another gal for her HB, so bet it. PB can't really have a choice.
Moving out is to avoid conflicts and lessen the suffering. After that if after 3 years nothing has changed or improved then it is time to file for divorce. In the mean time PB should move forward in life, get to know more people and not think about HB or MIL. Let them decide what they want to do.
i think at the back of your hb mind, he is OK to divorce you. He didn't agree or object in the first place because he is thinking about the min. 3 yrs thingy and he wants to avoid the hassle of meeting the other girl.
really, there's nothing to hold you back gal, to do up the separation on your part, its obvious that this guy you married is just using you to save himself from going thro' the trouble of separation details and going for matchmaking. Don't consult your HB anymore, go ahead and talk to a lawyer, send him the legal documents.
Wat is yr hb talking abt, move back in wz him n his mom, let his mom torture u and at the end of 3 yrs file for divorce. Is he plain stupid, mad or is his brain the size of a pea!!! Instead of telling u how much u mean to him, that he'll try n wk thgs out wz his mom, he actually told u tat!!! Goodness..... n to meet up wz tis girl.... wat a joker yr hb must be.
PB, pls move on, he is not worth it, he can't even stand up on his own two feet, how to expect him to protect u!!!! Go find yrself a lawyer, file for separation n get on wz yr life, u can do better even if it's on yr own.
Divorce him and recover $$ he owes you. Don't be short changed by the mother and son. The pinjin, jewellery and $$ you contributed to the wedding & renovation. Don't let them buy over the house too easily. Your husband is too coward and useless to do anything for you.
Maybe you need to change your mobile phone no. to avoid your MIL from harassing you. She may wants you to 'compensate' her so that they can buy over the house and the son can remarry! Well, you will never know.
OMG, everyday i was hoping that ur hubby would "see the light" upon u moving out...instead he tells u these things. I agree with everyone, just follow your heart and PB, for once, be a "little" selfish and think of yourself instead of him. I know u still have feelings for him, but to suffer over someone who doesnt reciprocate, it's jus painful.