pinkbuttons, i read your posting and feel very sad for u. Do u have some frens who can talk some sense to your hubby? Your hubby appear to be not only scared of his mom but more scared of his "face" in front of relatives...u need to sit down and have a good CALM talk with your hubby about this marriage. Having just been married for less than a year, he can quote divorce freely like that, ask him seriously if he meant every word he said. Tell him u're disappointed. Ask him if he still loves u. And ask yourself if u still love him. If the answer is yes for both, tell him dont ever ever bring up divorce. U shud both stay together and work things out. Tell ur hubby it's not about being a Bas**** or a fillial Bas**** but it's about being a man and walk his life. Tell him it's not about which relatives think he's a good fillial son or ungrateful bas****, as long as both of u know u are NOT abandoning his mom, that's all it matters.
Now u need to first settle the immediate outstanding issues before thinking of "strategy" for the long run to handle your MIL as what some of the people here suggested.
U mentioned last time your parents are abroad. So after this confrontation, are u still staying at home? with your MIL? If you are, i suggest first talk to your hubby like wat i have suggested earlier. Emphasised that u love him very much in the conversation (only aft u asked urself) and ask him if he loves u? If he say yes, then ask him how can he bear to hurt u like this barely 1 yr aft the marriage. Ask him if he acknowledges his mom is driving u apart. Tell him u need his support. Thru out all this, do not raise ur voice in heated manner. Be calm, cry if u wan, but BE CALM. If things go well with hubby, go BRAVELY to your MIL, holding hands with ur hubby. Apologise to her for raising your voice and having the confrontation with her BUT NOT for what she asked u to apologise for ie kowtowing and giving tea kind. Tell her u love her son and he loves u. Together, talk to her CALMLY all the things she said about u is not true. Do note that since your MIL is so unstable now, she might rant loudly, shout, scream or cry loudly or abuse u with unkind and harsh words like get out of my house, u eveil woman, leave my son etc. IT WILL HURT. But be reminded of the conversation with your hubby earlier. Squeeze his hands if u need to. if u're quiet and calm (and i'm pretty sure u'd be crying by now with all the abuse hurled at u) your hubby can see how u're tolerating his mom and hopefully he will step in to stop her. Do note that during the conversation, he will have to periodically step in also to "declare" to his mom that he loves u very much, calmly as well, and not scolding her like "we're ending in divorce, ru happy now" sort of tone. Most of the time, when both parties are reacting in anger, the anger and animosity will never stop. It will just escalate further.
So u MUST rem to be calm. Speak to her like u would to a child. Take deep breaths and tell her i know both of us cant get along, but cant we just try cos both of us have love for the same man, that is your son. I have never banned him from being fillial to u. And i have also never do all the evil things u think i did to u. U're still my MIL. Dont shout at her accusations when u're defending yourself.
And if after this, your MIL didnt calm down...and your hubby didnt say a single word to defend u, i think u shud also reconsider this marriage. If u decide to end it, tell your hubby ure ending it NOT becos of his mom BUT it's becos of him, becos u know dat he will not be the one who standby u in the long run, that he's not capable of standing by your side to solve problems TOGETHER with u, be it parents issue, finance issues, children issues.
All the best to u, take care. Let us know again if u need to vent.
