A Place To Vent Anger on Monster In Laws

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green_tranquility

New Member
2befree,
Thanks for your concern about my family. The stories of me-family, mum-dad are havoc and long enough to be filmed into Drama series! ;) My friends find the stories unbelievable. I still have serious insomnia and emotional eating problems till now. Same as your house, my house is so noisy with 2 TV sets. Therefore I always take a short nap on my office table during lunch time. I find it's nicer to sleep in office than home. Haha hope I dun snore out LOUD for colleagues to hear!

How about you find some hobbies to do or meet up your friends for dinners after work? Like that, you do not have to go home so early to face in-laws and you won't feel so lonely. For sleep, how about using ear plugs or play soothing music to cover the noise from living room? I dun want see people land in depression like me. How about you confide your feelings to your hubby? Some 'sayang' words from him will warm your heart
happy.gif


Stresses in life will pop up at stages ...
PSLE -> O'levels -> Uni exams -> Find BF -> Find husband -> Wedding -> Stay with in-laws -> Pregnant -> Give birth -> Taking care of baby -> Fight for Pri School admission -> Old with sickness ......

Happiness in life will pop up at stages too!
happy.gif


Sorry if I sound like greenhorn, I haven't experienced lives as much as you and grey yet.
 


G

green_tranquility

New Member
2befree and grey,

Honestly, I start to feel some stress from Wedding preparation and house renovation haha. I'm those impatient person and like to settle things ASAP! I'm telling myself to slow down and ask BF to bring me out to tranquil place this weekend. (I love greenery and tranquil places, that's why I pick my nick hehe) Hope I can handle my stresses well!
 
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icechoco

New Member
Hi,
After reading through all your postings, i wonder how come some of you still able to "tahan" the nonsence from in-laws?

When i'm faced with nonsence from in-laws, i just walked away. As much as i respect in-laws but if they treat me like outsider, i don't see why i should not treat them the same. Of course, try to win their heart first lah. But if after many years(for my case 9 years already), still like that, then energy also drained. No point to keep trying. Got other issues in life which are more important. Another thing, they're also not my parents. They don't give birth to me. I don't need to practice fillial piety with them. But i will practice fillial piety with my own parents. For hubby, i hope he would try to practice fillial piety with his own parents. I don't need him to do the same with my parents.

To me, i believe that, if anything happen in the marriage for eg, divorce or death, i don't think my in-laws will support emotionally and financially. So, when i got married and they openly show their dislikeness towards me, i don't see a point of trying to "act" to be in the family or have relations of a good DIL. I wonder if any of you had these thoughts if something like that were to happen to you. Will your in-laws be there for you & your children? Or they just weep for their son?

I can understand if those wives who are financially dependent on the husband. So, for those who are still tolerating, where you got all the energy? (esp for those who are working and earning own money)
 
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cactus_79

New Member
Hi ic, I try to bear with my MIL whenever she makes rude comments, cos I don't want to make my husband feel sad that he is caught between mother and wife. By the way, I've always earned more than my husband... and still continue to do so. I also entered into the marriage with more savings than my husband but our savings are all joint now.
 
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janicachan

New Member
now my mil doesnt bother me much....fil takes over..he will come unannounced, not only this, when came, bang door rudely. then yest he called for my hb, told him hb reservist, he kind of dun believe, ask me again n again, 'reservist? really? where is he?' told him again,' reservist.' he asked, 'reservist? he not in meh?'
until i told him' he is reservist now, he wont b at home now!' then he stopped asking.

y? thinking i am hiding my hb not let him talk to him is it?
 
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janicachan

New Member
cactus,

whenever fil cant get my hb thru his hp, he will sure call me to ask me where he is. i mean, whenever my hb is not available, he is not neccessarily always with me rite?

many times when hb is working n he cant b contacted, fil sure will call me to ask me where he is. i was like, how do i know? i also need to work what, call me for wat. wat so urgent u need to locate him? so ma fan...
 
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sway

New Member
Janica, I can understand how you feel as my mil is doing the same thing too. Sometimes my hb will answer her call to tell her that he's in a meeting and will call her back later but sometimes when he's with his clients not very nice to answer phone calls right? Or sometimes his hp has no network...... anyway as long as she can't reach her son on the phone she'll call me "eh, what is your husband doing now why he didn't answer my call? You try to call him and tell him to call me back"...... How I know what is he doing when we aren't from the same company? Furthermore I don't see the need for me to call him to pass the messages when they're about stupid gossips and other matters when they should be discussed after work not during office hours.
 
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pinkbuttons

New Member
hi, it's me again...

for those who've been following my posts, would appreciate your advice & comments..

my hb somehow managed to get my new address, and last nite he appeared at my doorstep, pleading & begging me to give him another chance.

he said he & his mom had a long talk. my hb said he told his mom that he cannot do without me, so of cos his mom is upset, but she said she's willing to move out if he manages a way to buy her a house registered under her sole name. he said he's figured out a way to finance her new plc. how he intends to do so, i won't elaborate here.

then my hb also offered to give me his monthly salary for me to control his finances if i want. though why i'd want to do so is beyond me... not like he's some primary sch kid.

then this morning apparently his mom called him to arrange an appointment at a lawyer's office. she said she wants to severe ties with her son... can see she's still being the drama queen that she is.

don't u think this whole situation is a joke? last nite i practically told my hb to get lost, and told him that if he wants me to change my mind he shld go and convince my parents first that he deserves another chance.

i called my mom and told her what happened, and she was amazed at how crazy my mil has become. it's come to a point where my hb has to choose between mother and wife, can only choose one. and it's my mil that suggested severing ties with my hb cos he said he wants wife.

what are your thoughts?
 
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glowing_rain

New Member
Hi Pinkbutton,

I have just joined this forum and read all your post. I have a similar story with my ex-boyfriend. Fortunate we were not tied down by a piece of paper. As such I chose to be a fleeing army.

To this day, I do regret for submitting to situation. Sometimes, I hope I could re-do things and managed the situation in other ways. Of cause the outcome may still be the same but at least I have tried. Now, I still miss my ex. His perfume, places we went to shopping, dinning, holidays etc. Do you miss your HB? I believe you do. After all these years, you have grown so familiar with this person, time and effort spent in the r/s, it’s not easy to walk away from the past. It’s also not easy to find someone and start the whole process again. I personally feel it’s a tiring process. After 2 yrs, I am still feeling tired and have no courage to be involved in a new r/s. =`(

Back to your last post. You mentioned that your hb managed to locate your new address. He must have had a hard time finding you. At least you know he hasn’t 100% chosen his mother. I think your MIL is a person with no security, which explains why she turn into a monster once you are married to his son and the HDB does not have her name (meaning she does not have a property in her name).

Since his mother is willing to move out (irregardless of whether it’s part of her evil plans), you can take this opportunity as one last chance to give your r/s a last shot. Moreover, with her moving out and getting her out property will probably means additional security. This may be a turning point to stop her “gameâ€. If she still wants to play the “gameâ€, play along with her! Play it smart and let her know you are at the upper hand. Fight for your happiness!

Ties can be severed but so long as his son, your hb, play his duty to give her allowance, visit her more often and show her that he still cares for her despite not living together, I believe she will wake her idea up one day. This process may be long but perseverance is the word.

It’s easier said than done. I know. But if your hb is able to be supportive and firm about his mother moving out, you have half the battle won. The decision is all yours but of cause, your hb’s action will be the critical to how your story ends.

You have mentioned: “last nite i practically told my hb to get lost, and told him that if he wants me to change my mind he shld go and convince my parents first that he deserves another chance.†- Decision is all yours, your parents have been supportive and I believe whatever your final decision is, they will be standing behind you.

Speak to your hb and tell his it’s the final chance or you will go ahead with a one sided divorce. At most you wait 4 yrs. O and record whatever he promises he will do and when he broken his promise, replay it to him and that will make him speechless. ( PS: I have tried this before.)

Good luck to you and hope your hb will really stand by you this time.
 
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padi

Member
Pinkbuttons: I read all your posts and I feel your pain and your sorrow. It is really a painful situation.

I also feel your husband's desperation and sadness actually, and I think he is beginning to learn, slowly, to stand up to his mother. It'll take a while though.

I am wondering if you still love your husband, and would give it a shot at the marriage again. If you have his word that he would choose you over his mother (I agree with Cactus and the others that husbands are to protect their wives from harm), would you see the MIL issue as a difficulty u 2 can face together, and endure this as a couple, for better or for worse?

I would recommend that you and hubby seek counselling so that the professional can help disect the issue and help you two work out some kind of compromise. There are definitely a lot of family-of-origin issues of guilt and security which you and your husband needs to work out together after experiencing so much trauma.

You have been very strong, I admire you for that. Take care!
 
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green_tranquility

New Member
Hi Pinkbuttons,

I'm quite sure your MIL won't sever ties with her son! She is so possessive over him, do you think she will give him up so easily? It's likely to be just another emotional blackmail. Argh I think we should recommend her to Mediacorp for Best Actress Award.

Please take care ok.
 
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numb

New Member
i agree with green, i think you should just stick to your decision (to get out of this destructive relationship)

Looking at how the MIL has been "acting" all along, what difference does it make for her to move out, and suddenly show "pattern" to come back and say some untrue rumors... isn't that worse???
and those thingy she did to the house, pasting of the amulets etc...

i think you should think twice...
 
S

samgirl

New Member
PB

My hubby and I feel tat you both should remain "status quo" at this point in time.

Since u mentioned tat both of u are on the path of seperation, then maybe u should continue this path and see how it goes.

If situation turns for the better anytime during this course of 3yrs, then u both can choose to patch back and not end up in divorce.

However, if situation is still as bad as now, then at least, you'll be already on the path of getting out of this marriage and free yourself sooner.

A person's true character and behaviour will show itself over time. It's very difficult to keep putting on a front for a long time. If your hubby is really bent on changing himself and be more protective of you and stand up for himself, then time will prove everything. However, if it's just a "flash in the pan" then, he'll simply change back into the "mummy's boy" he used to be.

Don't let wadever his mum does influence your this decision too much. I feel tat his mum is "cuckoo" liaoz. Super acting sia. Don't feel too bad about her wanting to disown him because chances are: she's just acting, or she'll not really serious about it and just trying to test water. It's so apparant that her precious son is sooo important to her so will she really go to the extent of really disowning him meh?

I can see tat u really love yr hubby however this issue with his mum must be solved once and for all and dun waste your precious youth ding-donging over this matter. If u patch back with him now with the MIL matter unresolved (or partially shelved aside) then one day, this issue will surely resurface again and by tat time, it may be even more difficult for u to choose to leave and be stuck in this sh*t all your life. U don't have kids now, you are still young...Only go back to him if you really feel assured that the MIL issue is truely resolved.

Take care and update us when u can.
 
C

cactus_79

New Member
Hi PB,

Do you think there might be a chance that your husband feels very torn between his mom and you, and somehow, feel naively that both of you can remain in his lives? I find a common pattern in what you tell us here. Your husband will propose something which appears to save your marriage.. then your MIL will come in to wreck it. Each time, you will find out about your MIL's plans through your husband. If your husband has made up his mind to stand by you, why then would he tell you that his mom is taking some extreme action to oppose what he plans to do?

Your husband is at best indecisve. At worst, playing around with you still.
 
P

pinkbuttons

New Member
i've discussed at length with my parents, and they also spoke with my husband. in the end it was decided to give him one last chance. if he proves that he can be depended on, then well & good. if not, then we go our separate ways, once & for all.

of course, i absolutely refuse to move back to our plc, so he'll be moving in with me at my rented plc. to prove that he's serious, he's already gotten a lawyer to change his will, and opening a joint account where his salary will be credited.

my hb also acknowledges that this is his last chance. if he fails to prove that he can stand up to his mom & to protect me, he's agreed to sign a DOS without further argument, and to whatever terms that we agree on later, whether it's relating to maintenance, etc.
 
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redshoes

New Member
hi pinkbuttons

Since you're giving him another chance, try to take things positively. Even though his mum might try to wreak havoc again, let him handle it as a big boy. All the best!
 
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iwanfree

New Member
Hi Pinkbutton,

I feel it is easy for your hubby to make things clear now but difficult to hold on to the decision. It's definitely a hard fight. I sincerely wish all the best for you. Hold on.
happy.gif
 
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nailpolish

New Member
Hi Pinkbutton,

your hubby has to stand his decision. From the start, it was never your fault. Don't blame yourself in whatever the mum has put herself into. Its between the son and her. I strongly feel that you both should migrate and have a world of your own. Singapore is too small, as long as all of you are in the same country, nothing can gets better.
 
summerholiday

summerholiday

Member
haiz, i got a mother in law that always people say dong she say xi.. then somemore my husband also at times get so frustrated that they quarrel.. and becos they sold their flat, to downgrade (cos they know we are going to move out after married, as i keep cats, and she scared of cats, and b4 my husbang i get get together, i already say i must bring my babies to my new flat..cannot seperate with them) my husband quarrel with them due to they shifted to a very remote place, he don't like.. so as they sold theirs at this peak period, i told my husband might as well we buy our flat so that for his work more conveient lo.. end up of cos we buy at high price lo.. sometimes not that i don like my mil, cos at times she hard to communicate lo, i often told my hb muct try to talk to her, but he say no use wan, i tried to talk to her, i also gave up.. haiz, jus so difficult to communicate lo.. and somemore after seeing my hb sil last time always kena by mil, i rather move up.. like this my hb don need quarrel w them also less mo cha lo
 
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pinkbuttons

New Member
thanks, yup, i'm a bit sceptical myself on whether my hb can hold onto his decision. so far he seems pretty determined, but dunno if it'll fizzle out in the end. i refrain from expecting too much, but will see how it goes...
 
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princess_momo

New Member
Hi Pinkbuttons,

Your hubby and you had gone thru a lot. There will always be setbacks in any couples. Up to this point, its understandable your hope is not high. But one thing for sure, your hubby really loves you.. Nvr thought that he will actually defy his mum to be with you. But there will be more to come, so in times, your hubby is in extreme difficult position. So prepared and be strong..
 
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tge25

New Member
Hi Pinkbuttons,

I hope this time round it will work out for u...

hopefully tt monster in law wun interfere too much...

Do you gals have these problems with MIL whereby they will call and demand u to ferry them ard??

But the main intention is just to show off to others that the sons are at their beck n call?
 
C

cactus_79

New Member
My MIL doesn't call me to ferry her around cos she knows I don't like to drive although I've gotten my license for 10 years already... my husband is a very bad driver (bad with roads and very careless - will beat red lights for no reason and forget to switch on front lights at night type), so MIL doesn't ask him. Instead, MIL asks her own daughter and son-in-law, or else, husband or her sisters.

Actually, husband is MIL's son. So if husband doesn't mind ferrying his mom around, there is little wife can do. Husband has to balance between mother and wife.
 
K

kellie_l

New Member
My MIL does ask my hubby to send her to certain places but not frequent.

However besides that, she also :
- asks us to go & fetch so & so
- tells us to send certain family members or relatives home in front of him/her/them

We were most pissed with the last. If we are ready to send we will offer ourselves lor, she doesn't need to do that. It's difficult for us to say not convenient unless they "zi dong".

Thankfully it has been a few weeks since she made such requests.
 
H

honesty

New Member
hi pinkbuttons..am really glad that u have decided to give your hubby a last chance...am glad too that he has finally buck up to do something to win u back...am praying that yur marriage will last and stronger aft wat both of u has went thru...we will always be here...
 
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sway

New Member
Does your mil swear with your mother being involved? How will you react? My mil does that to me thrice within a week and for no reason, just because that she was in a bad mood. The first time she did that I walk off as I knew she must have forgotten to take her medicine again (just kidding), the second time she did it I was furious but told myself to keep cool as I've already got a stressful life at work and I don't want to start a quarrel with this woman, but not for the third time. I shouted back at her not to get my mother involved as everyone will not hesitate to comment she's a wonderful woman, then she started to call pil, sil and all her relatives to complain I raised my voice at her for no reason. Stupid sil called my hb to scold him for what I did, although her hb and some of their relatives believed it must be my crazy mil in action again.

Next, come to my hb. There was another drama in days before this one and I suggested to him that we go for separation and go ahead for divorce if thing continue this way, but he told me he decided to keep a distance away from his mother instead of being a mummy's boy. I told him I'm tired to hear the same thing for umpteen times and I don't want him to blame me when we quarrel, he told me he wants to do it out of his own will and he will never blame me about it...... and that was only days later that he said I should not force him to disown his mother. I swear I did not say anything at all. He wanted me to chit-chat with his mother, acting like nothing has happened as she's afterall my elder, I should give her some face and show my respect to her since she's my mil. He thinks it's horrible for me to tell him "then as an elder she should learn to let us respect her, being a mil doesn't give her the benefit to bully someone else daughter and at the same time helping her own daughter to bully her in-laws".

I'm utterly disappointed with this man! As the man who my parents entrusted their daughter to, he is always not there to protect me from his evil mother but to encourage them to repeat their nonsense on me. Whenever I have any problems with his 2 beloved women in life, he would stay in the living room or their bedroom to chit-chat with them, leaving me shedding tears in our room.

Choc, for almost everyday my mil expects me to drive her around, that includes few mins walk to our nearest shopping centre and I have to spend time to search around for a place to park, my weekends are booked by her for shopping (so that someone can pay for her purchases too). Sometimes when I want to go to A location and she insists on B location which is twice in distance from our house comparing to A, she'll nag at me for wasting my petrol to go to A...... fyi she knows the difference in distance but she nags because her wish is not granted.

One thing I dislike my mil sitting in my car is because she likes to put her dirty feet on the seat and digs her nose for very long then using the same hand to touch around my car..... I wonder where the gold will fly to? She does this even when my brand new car is one day old.
 
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tge25

New Member
Hello...

Its not that i am saying that i wan to control whether my hb ferrying my mil.. i am fine.. if it is reasonable..

imagine late at nite ard 10+++..mil called... imagine u at woodland... ask u to drive all the way to bugis to ferry her and her sister.. (to show off she got a son at beck n call i guess)...

will u wan to do it or gently ask her to call a cab? which is more convenient?

i am not being a nasty DIL lar... but.. be fair mah...so late liao..want us to ferry her becoz wan to show off

my mil is the type who knows how to take mrt, lrt, taxi etc etc.. not the mountain turtle type leh...

she even noe how to call cab... so tt nite we didnt go ferry her... my hb ask her to take a cab lor...

after 10mins, she call and say no cab,....can we go down ferry her...

crazy
 
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tge25

New Member
haii.... sometimes i feel like selling off my car... i cannot imagine CNY how... confirm i no need to tink abt going back my mum place ...becoz will be busy ferry her or her relatives ard...

i tink must work out a schedule with my hb...
 
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victoria_ching088

New Member
My MIL also like also treat own son like a cab driver to ferry her around. She will make used of every opportunity she have and as if it is A MUST for hubby to ferry her.
The problem is she had her own hubby which is my FIL..and he is a cab driver..why can't she just call her own hubby to ferry her around.He is using diesel and my hubby is using PETROL! Worst now my SIL pattern also start to be like tat..suga suga call my hubby to fetch her from school lar...tution lar...and with very rude tone somemore as if he own them like tat! Cannot stand!!
 
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tge25

New Member
hahahaa

finally got pple feel the same as i do...

hehee.. when i ask my hubby to drive all the way to fetch me hor.. he say too far..i can come home myself...

then...ok lor... provided he say the same ting to MIL lar...
 
summerholiday

summerholiday

Member
my mil really can give us headache lo, my husband after reverist back, she is rushing to move hse, so almost want to quarrel already, my hb and her.. he now really headache about temporary need to stay in that ulu place in clementi before our hse can be move in.. he really dont like to move to that place lo.. but our hse is not ready yet.. can only start reno next week..worst today almost want to quarrel with him abt tiles selection.. luckily we manage to finalise the tiles.. so now he happily so his mother the tiles, but she don lik them, she keep on saying that her reno contractor give her evrythin the best, include tiles hers is from italy... haiz.. ya but her reno cost more lo.. i purposely do my toilet white tiles and black floor, with 2 pigs there, she sure gonna get mad wan.. our kitchen also white tiles, she keep on saying white will turn yellow wan,, very hard to maintain, esp if cook everyday.. haiz.. we don always cook wan loo.. i don even know how to cook :p then she ask wat colout for sink tiles.. told her we not doing concrete, her face again :<.. i purposely hack the concrete support, why do another again lo.. :< headache, she don think highly of our contractor, but we find her contractor ketok lo.. charge very very expensive lo.. hard to communicate with him too.. like everything need to listen to his advise.. not friendly.. lucky never stay with her, else after seeing my hb sil suffer that period when she stay with them.. she also scared to ignore her lo.. most mil really hard to get along lo.. counting fingers now.... when can see her less so that less friction.. taste different generation gap...
 
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simpleman

Active Member
Don't really understand the problem of fetching parents or parents-in-law.

If my mum call me anytime anywhere, I will go fetch her. Too bad she is already gone.

Even my mum-in-law used to call and I will go fetch her (by the way she got 2 sons that drive as well) but what the heck that we need to calculate until like that? Anyway, I won't have to do it anymore cos separated from my wife and mum-in-law won't call me anymore.

No fetching, is it a good and a blessing?

We should be happy that we can fetch or our spouse can fetch.
 
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rubberducky

New Member
Simpleman, I suppose that it is not the fetching that's ths issue, more the fact that some people will take advantage of others without thought to anyone but themselves.

If everyone gives willingly without calculation, then the world would be a wonderful place. The problem is, some people just want to TAKE, and never ever give in return... :p Worse, they EXPECT others to give all the time...
 
T

tge25

New Member
Nail on Quack!

Its no about giving..just about the frequent demand of taking..which make pple feel pressured
 
S

simpleman

Active Member
quack, what is the problem of those of our parents wanting to take a little advantage of us fetching them. Or our parents-in-law?

Why must we think in terms of people wanting to take? Giving in itself can be a joy.

In the past I used to think like that as well. When my wife used to ask me to fetch her parents - I asked her why can't her brother do the fetching? But I got used to it and sometimes I think since I am free and it won't take up too much time - why not let people take advantage and make them happy. I know at least my wife is happy that I won't think twice about fetching her parents.

When you start thinking of giving without expectation - then you can find joy in giving.
 
V

victoria_ching088

New Member
I understand simpleman's view...but i bet to defer sometimes..when your loves one treats u like nothing..it will hurts you even more.
I just feel that it all lies with attitude the person who is asking the flavour. My MIL and Sis in law always asked in a DEMAND TONE..which my hubby also very upset by the way they treated him.I always feel that if you want ppl to do you a flavour..ask politely...be it he is your son or just a friend. Some ppl just take their own family members for granted.
 
T

tge25

New Member
ya.. i also understand simpleman point of view...

but if the person asking u to do something..to show off...to show pple tt she got her son at her beck and call..then is diff

imagine... call u to go fetch someone u totally dunno... fetch someone who are totally out of the way... well...just a way to show pple tt they have a filial son...

ahem..is that a stupid or filial son.. i cant comment much.. but.. must use brain when carrying out request rite..

must tink whether appropriate anot.. not to spoilt the requestee...

to give without expectation is ok but for long run, you will lose out

well....cant comment much.. but i may end up selling my car away...

i rather take mrt..hahaaaa
 
S

simpleman

Active Member
To me, I don't mind giving as far as fetching is concern - especially for your own parents and/or parents-in-law. Whether they want to show-off or want to take advantage, that is not my concern. However, if you are not happy fetching then you should voice out and not do it reluctantly.

For me, I am always happy. Guess I will make a good taxi driver.
 

L

lingguan

New Member
Hi ladies,

Read a few postings on your mother-in-law.
I have some problems with my future MIL too.
I have a question here.
Would you have married your husband in the first place if you know all these problems are coming?
 
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