A hurtful truth
- Thread starter puipui
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sgbabydoll
Active Member
Time is the best medicine.
xiaozhunic
New Member
Hi Pondering..
I guess your story reminds me of what happened to me a few mths back...that very fatal day when he told me he is leaving me for someone else...someone whom he claim that he has be with before our ROM...but wat differs from urs is...i'm only less den 4 mths into marriage and have no shelter of our own yet...
Back then...i have all my how, ys and what...how did i not realise there is no 'sparks' in our life anymore...y he left me...isit my fault to have coz this to happen...y din i know earlier...what when wrong?? etc...etc...etc...With so much unanswered question in mind...my frenz decided to bring me on a short trip...after I went and came back...I told myself what is meant to me mine...will be mine...what is not meant to be...let it go...
Like u...I have walk in circles for the 1st 2 mths...calling up lawyer and have even tried counselling becoz he wanna try...but he played me out tat very day again...he jus gave up every hope when he went there...coz he felt tat there is no return even the gal dun exist...Hence i raise my white flag...
Life went on without him for the past few mths...I've slowly stop asking how, why and what...becoz i know i cannot get any ans...looking forward to a brighter future...Processing my annulment...Until recently...he msg me...telling me to stop the annulment...telling me he miss me and wanna continue his life with me...
BUT...i still choose to let go...not becoz I dun love him anymore..but becoz...to me...i know for sure...with his character...he cannot take my future attitude towards him...I will be extra sensitive...I will have extra questions for him...I might check on him...can he take it? The ans is no...not likely...
So...I believe...if u really wanna walk out of the shadow...u can do it...but if u wanna carry on asking (which no ans might be given)...den u will jus stay in misery...
I guess your story reminds me of what happened to me a few mths back...that very fatal day when he told me he is leaving me for someone else...someone whom he claim that he has be with before our ROM...but wat differs from urs is...i'm only less den 4 mths into marriage and have no shelter of our own yet...
Back then...i have all my how, ys and what...how did i not realise there is no 'sparks' in our life anymore...y he left me...isit my fault to have coz this to happen...y din i know earlier...what when wrong?? etc...etc...etc...With so much unanswered question in mind...my frenz decided to bring me on a short trip...after I went and came back...I told myself what is meant to me mine...will be mine...what is not meant to be...let it go...
Like u...I have walk in circles for the 1st 2 mths...calling up lawyer and have even tried counselling becoz he wanna try...but he played me out tat very day again...he jus gave up every hope when he went there...coz he felt tat there is no return even the gal dun exist...Hence i raise my white flag...
Life went on without him for the past few mths...I've slowly stop asking how, why and what...becoz i know i cannot get any ans...looking forward to a brighter future...Processing my annulment...Until recently...he msg me...telling me to stop the annulment...telling me he miss me and wanna continue his life with me...
BUT...i still choose to let go...not becoz I dun love him anymore..but becoz...to me...i know for sure...with his character...he cannot take my future attitude towards him...I will be extra sensitive...I will have extra questions for him...I might check on him...can he take it? The ans is no...not likely...
So...I believe...if u really wanna walk out of the shadow...u can do it...but if u wanna carry on asking (which no ans might be given)...den u will jus stay in misery...
pondering,
Maybe it will help you to know that my marriage lasted 17 years (this year 20th anniversary)..
I also don't question why it broke up.. i don't even want to blame anyone.. just accept it and move on.
Important for you now is to find activities to divert your mind.. .. don't think too much.. just find things to do and move on in life.
Maybe it will help you to know that my marriage lasted 17 years (this year 20th anniversary)..
I also don't question why it broke up.. i don't even want to blame anyone.. just accept it and move on.
Important for you now is to find activities to divert your mind.. .. don't think too much.. just find things to do and move on in life.
hi pondering, i'm sorry to hear about your situation. If you're going to maintain status quo about your housing situation despite the separation, then I would suggest that you and him set some house rules that you can both abide by. Eg: types of guests, cleaning, food, etc. He cannot expect you to serve him on hand and foot anymore. And it'll also prevent him from bringing his girlfriend home.
xiaozhunic
New Member
Pondering...
Its ok...I'm walking out of the shadow already...and I really hope that you can walk out of urs...
I agree with all...divert ur mind to something that u like to do...jus like me...i divert mine into sports and investment...hahaha
Its ok...I'm walking out of the shadow already...and I really hope that you can walk out of urs...
I agree with all...divert ur mind to something that u like to do...jus like me...i divert mine into sports and investment...hahaha
beezy,
tks for the suggestion. me now starting doing jigsaw puzzle again, surf net etc to keep myself occupied.
simpleman,
these self blaming, blame him just come naturally, don't know why.
redshoes,
the house rules definitely have to be in place. he will surely jump over the cleaning and food. that i'm very sure. that the price he have to pay!
yesterday still remind me he prepare to eat at home, he prefer to eat what i cook. oh my gosh, feeling like giving him a tight slap and tell him i m not a maid nor a chef now.
tks for the suggestion. me now starting doing jigsaw puzzle again, surf net etc to keep myself occupied.
simpleman,
these self blaming, blame him just come naturally, don't know why.
redshoes,
the house rules definitely have to be in place. he will surely jump over the cleaning and food. that i'm very sure. that the price he have to pay!
yesterday still remind me he prepare to eat at home, he prefer to eat what i cook. oh my gosh, feeling like giving him a tight slap and tell him i m not a maid nor a chef now.
pondering, then it's time u can earn some money out of him. tell him not his maid, not his wife, not anyone to him anymore. so ask him to pay if he want! actually u can come in, know more ppl and mayb can find some clinques and spend time with. try spending with frends then coping yourself at home ya? show him that other then going home after work everyday, u have something else to do, that he is nothin to you
dun show him ur weak side else he will take advantage.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
If he does not want to lift a finger, just tell him that you will engage the service of a part-time domestic helper to clean the house weekly. Cost to be borne equally by you two.
pondering, do consider getting him to be the pay master of the domestic helper and you paying ur share to him. He may just "forget" to pay you if you pay first.
I know this a being abit childish, I think before you go for your trip, you should change the master bed room lock and move his things out of the master bed room. Lock the master bedroom and use it for yourself.
Also only buy stuff that you need only and place those things that will not be spoilt into your room. Make it very clear to him in unspoken ways that you are done being a wife. Do not even bother to cook at home for afew days, enjoy ur dinner out with friends and let him come back to an "empty" house.
But jia you okie.. dun be xin luan. ^^
I know this a being abit childish, I think before you go for your trip, you should change the master bed room lock and move his things out of the master bed room. Lock the master bedroom and use it for yourself.
Also only buy stuff that you need only and place those things that will not be spoilt into your room. Make it very clear to him in unspoken ways that you are done being a wife. Do not even bother to cook at home for afew days, enjoy ur dinner out with friends and let him come back to an "empty" house.
But jia you okie.. dun be xin luan. ^^
i tink he's taking you for granted.
you mentioned that ''He just want to leave it as it is now'' and that you're still preparing for his meals and such.
1. my suggestions is that mayb you can try to change yourself- as in dressing up nicely and probably picking up some fitness class to keep yourself in you best. most women tends to become sloggish after marriage thus hubby might lose interest.
2. go on a holiday and let him taste the feelings without you around. maybe then he will notice your importance.
you mentioned that ''He just want to leave it as it is now'' and that you're still preparing for his meals and such.
1. my suggestions is that mayb you can try to change yourself- as in dressing up nicely and probably picking up some fitness class to keep yourself in you best. most women tends to become sloggish after marriage thus hubby might lose interest.
2. go on a holiday and let him taste the feelings without you around. maybe then he will notice your importance.
I shld be congratulating u but at this very moment I really hate u for doing this to me. Until the Eve of your wedding day, u are still lying to me by saying her relative passed away in Malaysia.
I keep asking myself why are u doing this to me? I have never ever ask u for any commitments to me.
It really break my heart when I knew abt it. The truth is when I'm in the midst of divorce, u are actually happily preparing your wedding behind my back. It is all well planned! From choosing the date, wedding band, wedding photos, sending out of wedding invitation...MY GOD! The wedding was post phoned from 11 Nov 2007 to 13 Sept 2008 & yet u keep silent abt it for mths & mths & mths!!!
Whenever I asked u abt your wedding, u keep telling me not so soon, not yet, not this year. And now look what is happening!!!???
No wonder u are so busy recently. It's not bcos u are packed wif meetings & meetings. It's bcos u are busy preparing your wedding & sending out invitation & trying out wedding grown with her & wedding shots!!!!!
So all the while u been lying to me, said Mother Tang is not feeling well & need to bring her to see doc. All is lies & lies & lies!
Fetching your sister at Tanglin mall/Bishan is also lies. She is the one that u are fetching!!!
Oh my goodness, see how much lies have u been telling me all this while?
Since u already know u are going to marry HER on 13 Sept 2008, y do u want to make me pregnant?!!
Why do u always said to me u wan to make sherilyn with me?!!
And when we succeeded why u choose to murder her??!!
Why do u still tell me that u might wan to have a 2nd child wif me?!!
Why make me go thru the abortion procedure!?
Why do u want to delay my pregnancy to 8 weeks then u told me it is impossible to keep the baby!!?? Do u know the longer u drag the risk is higher for me?!!
Do u know how much stress that I have gone thru??!!
Why are u so cruel to me & your child?!
During that time, u act as if u were really hoping for miracle but actual fact u know in heart there wont be any miracle at all. U are such an COWARD!!
U dont even have the guts to stand & fight for your happiness not even for us!
Ever after the abortion, I had never ever asked to be responsible of anything! I dont even asked for a single cent for the operation!!!! Dont u feel ashamed of yourself being a MAN!!!
I wonder how would she feel if SHE know the things u done behind her back? Will SHE still love u so deeply like now. If SHE does, then she must damn STUPID! I really find her so stupid to marry u. Giving her lifetime happiness to a IRRESPONSIBLE & COWARD MAN! She been with u for 6 good years & yet she failed to see your true colour! She still can insist to marry u. What a stupid woman!
Now come to think of it, I believe the whole world know u are getting married today except me. Your bosses & colleagues must be now attending your wedding lunch congratulating u. So now what kind of f story did u cook up for them this time? Or u had already told them we "break off" long ago?!
Yes, what the bastard said abt u is true. U are really not a simple person.
U can lied to 2 women & make these 2 women do so much for u.
First, with all you pack of lies, u make me go thru abortion for u. Best of all, I settled so nicely for u w/o making a big fuss to your family members & to your Beloved Wife.
Secondly, u make HER married u w/o having any doubts on u.
OH MY GOD, where is the PHILIP TANG HANREN that I knew?!!
Still remember Those things that u told me? U said u dont love her at all !!! This is also your lies!! If u dont love her, why do u married her NOW?! If u dont love her at all, then why do u have sex with her before marriage?! Just for the sake of release your urge?
So it is also a pack of lies when u told me u have not been touching her since we are together?! U really told her u are hving ED?! She believe & still wan to marry u?
U are such a monster!!!
How can u be so cruel to me???!!!! U said u are afraid she will commit sucide if u leave her. Then what about me? Dont u afraid that there will be 2 lifes die bcos of u??!!
Anyway u already killed one. U are a murder!!! U killed your own child!!!
How I wish I can be as heartless as u, & blow up this matter to your beloved MRS TANG. I really wish I can do that!
U really really really let me down & your child too.
I'm sure your baby in heaven will never never never forgive u!!
How i wish sherilyn's soul will haunt u down forever!!!
Are u still able to sleep in peace? Yes u can bcos u are cold blooded person!
I keep asking myself why are u doing this to me? I have never ever ask u for any commitments to me.
It really break my heart when I knew abt it. The truth is when I'm in the midst of divorce, u are actually happily preparing your wedding behind my back. It is all well planned! From choosing the date, wedding band, wedding photos, sending out of wedding invitation...MY GOD! The wedding was post phoned from 11 Nov 2007 to 13 Sept 2008 & yet u keep silent abt it for mths & mths & mths!!!
Whenever I asked u abt your wedding, u keep telling me not so soon, not yet, not this year. And now look what is happening!!!???
No wonder u are so busy recently. It's not bcos u are packed wif meetings & meetings. It's bcos u are busy preparing your wedding & sending out invitation & trying out wedding grown with her & wedding shots!!!!!
So all the while u been lying to me, said Mother Tang is not feeling well & need to bring her to see doc. All is lies & lies & lies!
Fetching your sister at Tanglin mall/Bishan is also lies. She is the one that u are fetching!!!
Oh my goodness, see how much lies have u been telling me all this while?
Since u already know u are going to marry HER on 13 Sept 2008, y do u want to make me pregnant?!!
Why do u always said to me u wan to make sherilyn with me?!!
And when we succeeded why u choose to murder her??!!
Why do u still tell me that u might wan to have a 2nd child wif me?!!
Why make me go thru the abortion procedure!?
Why do u want to delay my pregnancy to 8 weeks then u told me it is impossible to keep the baby!!?? Do u know the longer u drag the risk is higher for me?!!
Do u know how much stress that I have gone thru??!!
Why are u so cruel to me & your child?!
During that time, u act as if u were really hoping for miracle but actual fact u know in heart there wont be any miracle at all. U are such an COWARD!!
U dont even have the guts to stand & fight for your happiness not even for us!
Ever after the abortion, I had never ever asked to be responsible of anything! I dont even asked for a single cent for the operation!!!! Dont u feel ashamed of yourself being a MAN!!!
I wonder how would she feel if SHE know the things u done behind her back? Will SHE still love u so deeply like now. If SHE does, then she must damn STUPID! I really find her so stupid to marry u. Giving her lifetime happiness to a IRRESPONSIBLE & COWARD MAN! She been with u for 6 good years & yet she failed to see your true colour! She still can insist to marry u. What a stupid woman!
Now come to think of it, I believe the whole world know u are getting married today except me. Your bosses & colleagues must be now attending your wedding lunch congratulating u. So now what kind of f story did u cook up for them this time? Or u had already told them we "break off" long ago?!
Yes, what the bastard said abt u is true. U are really not a simple person.
U can lied to 2 women & make these 2 women do so much for u.
First, with all you pack of lies, u make me go thru abortion for u. Best of all, I settled so nicely for u w/o making a big fuss to your family members & to your Beloved Wife.
Secondly, u make HER married u w/o having any doubts on u.
OH MY GOD, where is the PHILIP TANG HANREN that I knew?!!
Still remember Those things that u told me? U said u dont love her at all !!! This is also your lies!! If u dont love her, why do u married her NOW?! If u dont love her at all, then why do u have sex with her before marriage?! Just for the sake of release your urge?
So it is also a pack of lies when u told me u have not been touching her since we are together?! U really told her u are hving ED?! She believe & still wan to marry u?
U are such a monster!!!
How can u be so cruel to me???!!!! U said u are afraid she will commit sucide if u leave her. Then what about me? Dont u afraid that there will be 2 lifes die bcos of u??!!
Anyway u already killed one. U are a murder!!! U killed your own child!!!
How I wish I can be as heartless as u, & blow up this matter to your beloved MRS TANG. I really wish I can do that!
U really really really let me down & your child too.
I'm sure your baby in heaven will never never never forgive u!!
How i wish sherilyn's soul will haunt u down forever!!!
Are u still able to sleep in peace? Yes u can bcos u are cold blooded person!
findingnemo
New Member
Eneri, this is really hard on you. I hope you find peace and move on. You deserve a better man.
happinessbliss
New Member
Eneri, though I sympathised u but I have to say u are also a willing party.
1) U knew he has a gf... so why do u still want to be with him? Just bcos he say he has no feelings for that girl???
2) Since u say u don't want commitments, then y are u shaming him here at this thread?
All I can say is it takes 2 hands to clap... Though I really really sympathised yr situation but then I do not think this is the right way to "settle" yr problems ....
1) U knew he has a gf... so why do u still want to be with him? Just bcos he say he has no feelings for that girl???
2) Since u say u don't want commitments, then y are u shaming him here at this thread?
All I can say is it takes 2 hands to clap... Though I really really sympathised yr situation but then I do not think this is the right way to "settle" yr problems ....
eneri,
sorry to hear all the pains you have been through. I can only say move on as you say you cannot bring yourself to tell the truth out to the his family or his wife. So you have to live with the choice you make and tat is to be the 'silent' party and endure.
wat i dun understand is why some gals will belief the guys when they say sweet promises esp they are attached. Its obviously they are the lying sort. Then after the bad situations, they began to realise they lied to them. But the signs are very clear. If they are the trustworthy type, they wont live a life in lies.
sorry to hear all the pains you have been through. I can only say move on as you say you cannot bring yourself to tell the truth out to the his family or his wife. So you have to live with the choice you make and tat is to be the 'silent' party and endure.
wat i dun understand is why some gals will belief the guys when they say sweet promises esp they are attached. Its obviously they are the lying sort. Then after the bad situations, they began to realise they lied to them. But the signs are very clear. If they are the trustworthy type, they wont live a life in lies.
miloice
Well-Known Member
when one is in such a relationship... it is a decision to believe. i.e. they wanted and chose to believe and cling on a hope.
It doesn't matter how obviously not true it is. They choose to be blind to everything. Emotions are such, it clouds the mind from logic and truths.
It doesn't matter how obviously not true it is. They choose to be blind to everything. Emotions are such, it clouds the mind from logic and truths.
vivaliciousviv
New Member
<font color="ff0000">sometimes...i juz wonder..is marriage necessary..?</font>
alcifertoh
New Member
You can have kids too even if you are not married.
It is necessary if you feel so and wish to move the relationship with your partner to the next level adding the family terms and ties to it via marriage.
Otherwise, it's commonly attributed to external factors eg: family and societal views.
It is necessary if you feel so and wish to move the relationship with your partner to the next level adding the family terms and ties to it via marriage.
Otherwise, it's commonly attributed to external factors eg: family and societal views.
baby_lonblue
Member
i also agreed that marriage is not necessary if both are very happily together.
If love is gone, even if you are married or not, will still break up and then going through all e troubles
If love is gone, even if you are married or not, will still break up and then going through all e troubles
alcifertoh
New Member
Not necessary. Who uses divorce as the foreword if they wanna get married? Unless you are marrying for the wrong reason obviously.