hi ladies this site is really interesting.. a friend of mine from my gym recommended me this webbie..
well i'm pretty new here but hopw u guys don't mind me sharing a little something..
First and foremost, I would like to share with everyone here about my struggle with body image and self esteem.
The reason why I’m sharing this today is because I can boldly say I’m someone who’s been there, done that, and still struggling with self acceptance. i still have my ugly days and fat days..Afterall I’m only human right?
I’ve never been that slim slender girl that I’ve always wanted to be. In fact I grew up attending TAF (Trim & Fit) club since I was 7. I spend my primary and secondary school life in an all girls SAP school where being overweight was unacceptable. Till today the world is still a cruel place where fat should never exist. Well, I grew up with a low self esteem thinking I have no right to live on this earth since I was a fatty.
When I turned 14, I started starving myself and even resorted to taking hydroxycut, xenadrine and laxatives.. My body reached a plateau and I was immuned to the effects of the medication. I tried all sorts of diet. Crash diet, cabbage soup diet, skim milk and oats diet, Cambridge diet.. all kinds of crap to speed up my weight lost. I was ashame of my body. I hated what I saw in the mirror. Over the years my weight fluctuate and increase. It was taxing on my body and on my mind.
One day I discovered bulimia. I entered that world and my life changed for the worst. I was 69kg standing at 156 at that time. In just 4 and a half months, I dropped to 47kg. I looked like a complete wreck but I got what I wanted- To be slim. Even though my throat hurt like mad, my knuckles had unsightly abrasion and mild bleedling, my cheeks were swollen and my eyes always puffy, I felt a sense of satisfaction. I was slim and I felt good even though my friends said I looked terrible. Bulimia took control of my life so much that I was hospitalized when my body couldn’t take it no more. I was put on the drip and stayed at TTSH for a week. I was put through counseling and medication to control my mood swings. I was depressed and attempted suicide many times. i thought my life was over becuase bulimia was my only friend.. i was so afraid of becoming fat again.. bad memories of people and relatives who mock me because of my weight kept coming back to me.. i felt like the ugliest and crappiest person in the world
After I was discharged I went back to church where my life changed. i started to smile more and slowly I gained a good 12kg. I was 59kg then. That year I interned at MTV and gained another 9kg in 6 months. Of course I felt like crap even though my then boyfriend, Des, did not comment on my ‘expansion’.
Des was a freelance personal trainer then. At that time I decided that I didn’t want Des to have a fat pig as a girlfriend. I kept thinking to myself ‘How can my boyfriend who’s a bodybuilder and personal trainer have a fatty as a girlfriend?†Even though he didn’t mind that I was meatier than him, deep inside I felt insecure, ugly, fat and useless.
I started with aerobics exercises at Amore. In 4 months I lost about 5 kg. My weight stopped reducing and I began to freak out. Des educated me in the importance of proper weight training instead of just cardio. He encouraged me to sign up at California Fitness where I could concentrate on proper weight training while enjoy my classes like Step Workout, Body combat and dance. With the help of a professional (Des of course), slowly but surely my body started to change. I adopted a healthy lifestyle and now working out is no longer a chore. I love it and have decided to dedicate my life to it.
I’m sharing only because I know what it feels like to be overweight or have body parts that I wish I could change. I know how cruel the world can be and how misleading the media is when it comes to beauty (hey I was a media student!).
i'm now over at the Novena branch where members are new.. those who have not seen me when i was fat said they couldn't believe that i used to be overweight when i told them i was in the past.. even though people tell me today that i'm slim or fit, i still feel insecure sometimes.. it's only normal to feel this way i guess
however, I truly believe that fitness can change your life. Nothing is Impossible and Impossible is nothing. If I can do it, so can you! i'm not saying it's going to be easy but when you get there, you'll never regret making all that sacrifies.. hey i'm a girl too.. so i know how it feels ya..
If anyone would like to know more or see some photos, feel free to contact me at
[email protected]
Front and back of legs, calves, etc.
Good luck!
