A confession of a married man

Apologize in advance for the lengthy post and I may have choose a wrong forum to post. I need a place to rant my discomfort before I really go insane or fall into depression. Please read it with a pinch of salt and I welcome all criticism.

Been married for 26 yrs. Have 3 kids of which 2 are working adult and the youngest is in Sec 4. A bit character intro of myself, I am a very private person who usually keep things to myself and very unsociable to a point that I dislike to communicate with people unless necessary. I must admit the downfall for me was the result of my behavior be it in working setting or at home. I am just that socially awkward.

I don’t talk much at home either, if I do, only to my wife and possibly zero interaction with my children. My eldest son resents me the most due to my traditional parenting method where once think that father possesses the highest authority and the way of educating the kid was by scolding and physical punishment. Well, as you have suspected, my eldest son didn’t take it too well and has not spoken to me for more than a decade. It was fine by me then coz I still think that he should give me the respect I deserve as a father no matter what was the outcome. Apparently, I was never be so wrong, the method my parents used on me can never be replicated on the children nowadays. My ego and dignity have the best of me. I admitted it was a wrong approached but damage has been done.

On the other hand, my wife is an excellent mother who take care of the family well and has been nothing but very caring towards me. I have never need to worry about the house chores as she has managed it very well. Other than contributing financially to the family, I have never help out in the house work and basically hide myself in the room. I will only appear again to the public eye for meal. Even when the whole family was dining together, I Just can’t bring myself to interact with them as they give me an impression, they are hostile and no whatever respect towards me. Truth be told, they were so used to my behaviour to the extent that when they will go tour or any outing in that respect, they will go without me. Even they did invite me, I will not go. This is how socially awkward I am and always in an angry mode.

Having thinking that the family was against me and resenting me. I become more hateful towards them not realising that I am actually the root cause of everything. Being very left out and dying to find solace cum recognition, I did the unforgivable mistake. In year 2021, I have an affair with a divorcee for a period of 9 month. Eventually I called it off as she gives me an ultimatum to leave my wife to be with her. To say the least I left her immediately as my wife did nothing wrong and the last thing I want is to hurt her. Little did I know, I hurt the divorcee equally much. Well, Karma knows how to attack at the right time. Even after several month of not contacting the divorcee, eventually my wife still found out the affair and you guess it, all hell broke loose.

Long story short, I must say during the initial stage she was very insisting of divorcing me and I was kicked out of the house and had to stay with my brother for almost a week. During the week I had apologized profusely and finally they have granted an audience with me to talk things out. As what I had suspected, everyone in the family was very hostile and had said things such as how a selfish husband and irresponsible father I am.

What really pains me is that all my 3 kids had painted me as an unapproachable, selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive father I am. The daughter I dotes the most told me the most hurtful things I can ever imagine. My wife cried and shouted at me for being unappreciative for the thing she did for me and always have to endure my mental torture plus many others. I froze out and at that very moment, I really think divorce is the best way out as all of them want me out of their life. However, having no place to go and their offer of the divorce was unacceptable. I asked for their pardon and promise to change. As a very proud person, it is very hard for me to swallow my pride which I did.

Things become normal for us again. I tried helping out in house chores and more communication with my children. Other than my elder son who still harbour hatred towards me, the relationship with my other 2 kids had improved or so I think.

In April 2023, another disagreement broke out with my wife on some trivial matters. My usual tactic to evade argument is to give silence treatment. Little did I know, my wife did not take it lightly and gang up with the children against me. This time round, the wife wanted a separation and my eldest son, seizing the best opportunity wanted me out of the house again echoed by the rest of the family.

Feeling devastated and helpless, let alone no dignity and pride. I once again apologise and promise to mend my mistake. There is a saying, one can forgive but hard to forget. They will never ever able to really forget and forgive me. Even though life is back to normal again, we can never be able to be a real family again. I will need a contingency plan for myself, I am too sick for the threatening not knowing when I will be thrown out of the house again and the only thing I have left is my barely standing pride.

I have myself to blame…………..


Active Member
It's clear to see your role as a provider for the family has diminished over time now that the children are grown up and your wife
no longer needs you or rather will NOT be helpless without you. You were nothing more than a material ,financial pillar in your family and unfortunately you didn't cement your position or role as a father, head of family, when you were in control or was "indispensable" in the earlier days. Nobody needs you anymore, nobody have to put up with you anymore. Importantly if you are financially independent, that will open up many other paths for your. Your mistress still an option?


Staff member
In your own words, your family has tolerated you for 26 years. You have only tried to change yourself in the past 2 years. How is your 2 years compared to their 26 years? If you really want to save the relationships, be equally prepared to use 26 years of your life to redeem and prove yourself. You have to learn to focus less on yourself and how you feel but be empathetic towards your family members. Only your actions can prove yourself to your family members that you are really repentant.

I don't know if you are ready, but you may want to start meditation on a daily basis. You can set a timer on your phone for a 10 minute duration. Until you feel ready, you can gradually extend the session to 20 minutes or 30 minutes. I've been meditating for 3 years now since the Covid circuit-breaker. I'm now practicing 30 minutes every morning. It has made me a calmer person and I've gained mental clarity. You'll also be more able to control your temper and words if you start meditating.

I help out with washing of dishes on a daily basis. I also vacuum and mop the floor every weekend. Don't just try helping out in chores but do it daily and consistently.

I wish you all the best.