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qwertypie

New Member
Hello.

Firstly, sorry as I know I've posted about this issue before. For people who remember about my bf going for his PhD for 5 years, here's an update:

We planned to ROM, So we can actually go together. I'll give up on my career temporarily.

But right now he decides that we shouldn't go ahead with the plan because it's not fair to me that I have to give up on my career and I'm still young.

Right now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my mum will allow me to go overseas with him for so many years but she once mention that unless I'm married, I'll still be her Daughter and I will never get to go with him.

Please help me as I'm really really very lost
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
Hello.

Firstly, sorry as I know I've posted about this issue before. For people who remember about my bf going for his PhD for 5 years, here's an update:

We planned to ROM, So we can actually go together. I'll give up on my career temporarily.

But right now he decides that we shouldn't go ahead with the plan because it's not fair to me that I have to give up on my career and I'm still young.

Right now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my mum will allow me to go overseas with him for so many years but she once mention that unless I'm married, I'll still be her Daughter and I will never get to go with him.

Please help me as I'm really really very lost

It is a big risk investment. Odds are against you. There is not straight answer, if your bf is not willing to let you take such a move, this means he is also not sure about the relationship. In relationship, there is no such thing as fairness, it is completely affected by what we value. If your relationship is so impt to the both of you, you would do everything to try to make it work. His answer should reflect the truth of his reservations about it. Its not wrong, its just a very realistic view of it frankly.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Hello.

Firstly, sorry as I know I've posted about this issue before. For people who remember about my bf going for his PhD for 5 years, here's an update:

We planned to ROM, So we can actually go together. I'll give up on my career temporarily.

But right now he decides that we shouldn't go ahead with the plan because it's not fair to me that I have to give up on my career and I'm still young.

Right now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my mum will allow me to go overseas with him for so many years but she once mention that unless I'm married, I'll still be her Daughter and I will never get to go with him.

Please help me as I'm really really very lost

Did you tell him that ur willing to go with him?
Perhaps you can have a gd talk with him to clear all doubts.it seems that both of you are getting married becos he is going overseas.and it seems like he is having second thoughts of bringing you along.the best thing is to have a heart to heart talk with him.marriage is a huge commitment.dun be hasty.
 

sadman2009

Active Member
Miloice is right. In a relationship there is no fair or not fair. If both really love each other so much and really want to spend the rest of their lives together, there shall be no reservations. I would be very happy to have the one that I love deeply to go with me.

May be he is afraid that after you have made such great sacrifice now and if the relationship doesn't work out in the end, it would be unfair to you and you will be devastated. Or may be he wants both of you to be very successful in your careers and not for you to be jobless and become a dependent of him now and in the future. May be he is really thinking of your welfare.

Be it any reason, I think the best decision is to stay separate for this period of time and pursue your career and goals in life. At the same time, use this five years to spend lots of good time with your parents, knowing that one day they will be no more here but your husband will be there for many years after.
 

pikachuuu

Member
Hello.

Firstly, sorry as I know I've posted about this issue before. For people who remember about my bf going for his PhD for 5 years, here's an update:

We planned to ROM, So we can actually go together. I'll give up on my career temporarily.

But right now he decides that we shouldn't go ahead with the plan because it's not fair to me that I have to give up on my career and I'm still young.

Right now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my mum will allow me to go overseas with him for so many years but she once mention that unless I'm married, I'll still be her Daughter and I will never get to go with him.

Please help me as I'm really really very lost


sorry I don't get it why does he get to decide everything? First it was him single-mindedly wanting to go, ignoring your decision and now you made a decision, he decide for both of you again.
I would ask back the same question I ask before: where are you in the entire picture?
 

life_is

Active Member
Hello.

Firstly, sorry as I know I've posted about this issue before. For people who remember about my bf going for his PhD for 5 years, here's an update:

We planned to ROM, So we can actually go together. I'll give up on my career temporarily.

But right now he decides that we shouldn't go ahead with the plan because it's not fair to me that I have to give up on my career and I'm still young.

Right now I'm at a loss because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my mum will allow me to go overseas with him for so many years but she once mention that unless I'm married, I'll still be her Daughter and I will never get to go with him.

Please help me as I'm really really very lost

I went overseas for many years. Ex refused to go over after achieving her aim of buying HDB to scam profits. That was after false promises of privacy and going over to be together. Those broken promises and lies continued even after I returned to Singapore.

Just telling you my experience so you know that a man who loves you will want you around for that long period of time. No reason to want to live apart. Besides, you can always find a job overseas, even if it is harder to do so. Have many female friends who went overseas for their spouses. That is love and sacrifice. Living apart will only mean drifting apart.
 

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