20 years relationship I can't loss him

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Jjing, May 8, 2018.

  1. Jjing

    Jjing New Member

    Hi everyone, I need you guys to advise me of my 20 relationship with my husband.

    Im get married when I was 19 and now I'm 38 and my husband 39. My son is 18 year old. He always been a very good husband responsible and loving. And i was so been so demanding to him. He trying give his best to us and the family's as i don't appreciate it. Last 5 years i did very wrong to him. I have affair with a korean guy who hv a family too. He did find out too. He saw my text, and I getting worse as i don't even care his feeling. Continue to seeing that k guy for 1 years. And i did thinking to leave my husband. But he beg me badly he mention he will forgive me, he treat me even better buy alot presents to me and that time i did feel touching. I willing to give up that k guy. And we been happy together till last month. The sad thing is his dad being sick for 8 years for stroke, but getting worse on last month. he the only 1 taking care of him i not helping him at all. But i keep nagging him about his father hospital bills. And no show concer to him and his father. End up his father pass aways three week agao. He start to change he become very cold to me. I very worry after the funeral he told me he have enough of our relationship. He want to give up. I beg him told him i will change and put in effort to love our family. After one week of i begging him. Than he finally decided to give me a chance we try out again 1 to 2 years.

    But the chance he give is he keep changing his mind and keep mention maybe we wont last for long. He mention he cant love me like last time anymore. I really willing to change to become a better person for our family. Just he keep mention negatives things to me like i hv no more love for you, i want my life back and i want to be alone. (So why he still give me chance) As i really very sad...and scare to loss him. I realised i cant live without him. Now is only 3 weeks but he keep changing his mind that make me feel insecure how can i bare 1 to 2 years. It so hurt coz he so cold to me. He had never be like that before to me. I did make up my mind no matter how bad he treat me. I try my very best stay by his side to get through this.
    Anyone pls advise me...

    I really need help
    Thank you

  2. Jjing

    Jjing New Member

    Hi, anyone one here can advice?
    Really need help
  3. Jessie.Y

    Jessie.Y Member

    You lost him the moment you had extra-marital affair. His father's passing was the trigger point to ending the relationship for good because you're not helping him emotionally nor financially, but complaining and stressing him even more.

    Perhaps you should give him a breather, let him heal first instead of focusing on his changed attitude towards you, You should show more concern on him, not yourself.
    miloice likes this.
  4. Jjing

    Jjing New Member

    Hi Jessie, thank you for your reply.
    Yes, I'm really regrets what I did to him.
    Im trying my best now to concern him more. But he keep telling me he had no feeling and love to me. I know he trying to give our marraige once last chance.

    But this time im really worry to loss him, he mention it about him this time not others even if i change maybe he cant accept it. Coz i change when is he give up time he feel not get use to it too to a new me. He can forgive me but cannot forget what i done to him past 20 years. So it really confuse me. So i suggest we go short trips to bangkok. He seem not willing. He told we will not happy if we go. Just i hope we can find new and fun thing to try make him feel love i give him to relax himself.

    Every 2 or 3 days he will threw temper to me. Mention how i treat him last time and said he not love to me yet. But he the one want to give us a chance more within 1 to 2 years see thing workout anot.

    Do you think he still love me or just he want make me feel how he feel last time i did to him? What should I do now?

    Im very upset...I know I deserved it
  5. felirocious

    felirocious New Member

    Ask yourself if you love him.if you love him, you should give him time and put on ur best effort and endure and ensure he’s well taken care of from emotionally to physically such as ensuring he is full.

    Don’t think about if he will give up on u. Live without regrets, do all and what you can and afford to.
    Do it without feeling guilty. Do it with love and concern.
    miloice likes this.
  6. Jjing

    Jjing New Member

    Thank for reply felirocious

    Im very thankful to him honestly he been a best husband and best father ever.
    Just I'm don't appreciate it and take advantage on his love.

    He now still concern me. But he did mention coz we still husband and wife. He will still do his part. But he not sure is responsible or love to me now. That the worse part i ever heard from him.
  7. Dan B

    Dan B New Member

    If you really love him, please let him go. Having an extramarital affair with another man not just destroys the trust and marriage vows, it also hurts his pride and dignity as a man. It's pretty much over from there. A friend of mine's wife did the same to him. He was never the same person after that. The past is the past and cannot be undone, but you can leave him and both go your own separate ways. Your child is old ejoughto understand. No sense in keeping someone unhappy.
    miloice, newproject and ohmypen like this.
  8. miloice

    miloice Well-Known Member

    Your husband is grieving for the lost of his father. You should be supportive and focus in helping him with the closure and recover from that. The passing of his father, might be the final nail to the coffin for the marriage. When we are faced with death of our dearest ones, many of us are never the same again. Those scars will never really disappear.

    Even though you repeatedly mentioned you learnt your lesson and willing to change for the better, your message suggest the same level of placing yourself first. Its you being afraid that you will lose the marriage. Face it, the marriage is what it is today, not suddenly, but all the hurts and abuse you put it through. Your husband have been enduring it for years. Stop thinking about what you will lose. Start thinking about him. What is best for him, how can you help him. If you want any chance of really changing, you need to change your perspective towards relationships. A fruitful relationship happens when both parties give freely selflessly. Both of you will receive happiness and pamperings that you didn't demand for, but given because of the love for each other. Start thinking, what is the best for your husband.
    Last edited: May 14, 2018 at 11:16 AM
    Jessie.Y likes this.
  9. buddhabar

    buddhabar Active Member

    Is he still yours? Really?
    Is his mere existence all you wanted?
    Even if he is no longer present. Think about it
  10. blahblahveggies

    blahblahveggies New Member

    Give him some space rather than pestering him to love you, and you should show him you are going to change. Rather than whining here you should maybe take a look on what you can do for him to gain a little trust from you again.

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