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kenturik

New Member
As we mature we will know how to blend in, how much salt and sugar to add... How economical we want the truth to be and who the other party is.
I think everyone knows wat it is, we dun have to re-invent the wheel.
And labelling, that is only a figure of speech not like we really write it down loh.
Now it is TGIF again, we gonna dress up to club... doing that are we labelling ourselves or are we just protraying another part of us???
 


miloice

Well-Known Member
coco, being honest doesn't mean being dumb. If you give the person the upper hand, it has more to do with being naive and dumb. I can be honest without being taken for a ride. If a person abuse my trust, its okie. I do fine without such friends.

I rather trust a person I interact with, giving him/her some benefit of the doubt than to suspect this and this. I might lose some minor things but I'm not some idiot that expose myself unnecessarily.
 

powder

Active Member
unfortunately u're not the one they meeting and hope to meet n marry... cos u not avail liao...
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infojunkie

Active Member
the real Norma Jeane was a shy & intelligent brunette with a sense of vulnerability. very different from her "sexy dumb blonde" persona - an image she painstakingly constructed & maintained, and wanted the world to believe... or maybe not so, she was just subconsciously doing it cos she's into method acting. well then, that's typecasting if u want to believe... she has been labeled and remains so
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simpleman

Active Member
Milo,

Let's get back to fundamentals. You wrote:
"re we taking this labelling too literally here? If we picture folks literally doing so, it would really dumb. But, I guess its about being frank and direct enough upfront in dates to clearly indicate instead of concealing to impress."

The main thing is the "honesty" that you valued and that you will be is not really the norm. Most people consciously or unconsciously put up a "false" front - mostly to "impress". People don't put a big label on themselves screaming: "I am a good guy not looking for one night stand" but they would try to give a certain impression during the initial dates. They may not consciously conceal but they will tend to show more of their "good">
 

simpleman

Active Member
Hweebs,

You wrote:

I am looking for marriage in a relationship. Love is a second criteria, not the first. I will definitely want to know if the guy I am dating is into monogamy or polygamy. At least I go into the relationship with my eyes open. If I get cheated along the way bcoz the guy is not what he claimed to be, I learn a lesson to be less trusting. If the guy is polygamous and he is really interested in starting a relationship with me, he will commit to monogamy before he decides to start, because he knows I will take nothing less. There is no point in me starting a serious relationship with someone who is not into monogamy, because people act according to their values and it will be stupid for me to assume that I can change him with my powerful love. A fling, is another thing though. But I will know b4 i start that it will not go any further: I will not contemplate a future with the person"


Yes. Precisely. You want to know whether someone is monogamous or not.. it is not by looking at the label. That person may not put up a right label, almost always. So to look for labels is redundant. As you said, you can ask the question and then judge from there. Again, it will take time to observe and understand.. and not by looking at the "labels". And that is my contention: that label is redundant anyway because mostly people label themselves different or people really put up something for other to perceive.. and not their "real self".

I can see that you and milo are the more black and white people. Humans are more complex than that.
Milo talked about not fun dating someone going for regular ONS and swings and you talked about negative reaction to someone who may "appear" to by polygamous. But mostly beneath these obvious traits, if you know the person better, you may understand the underlying reasons. They may not be the ONS personal that you perceived him/her to be. Or he may not really be the polygamous creature that he/she portrayed.

Human relationship is best experience through direct interaction and not through perceived impressions.

That is the main gist of my argument.
 

hweebs

New Member
yalah, understand what you guys are trying to say: 仕途险æ¶. Think labelling will only work in an ideal society where people have no other agenda and are honest. Milo: good to know that there is another honest fellow around *shake hand*
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infojunkie

Active Member
是人心难测。

心æ€å•çº¯çš„å°ç™½æ ä¸Šå¿ƒæ€€åµæµ‹çš„人
结果是——被å–了还帮忙数钞票

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powder

Active Member
well hweebs,

honesty is not the best policy either... it can get pple killed and start wars as much as dishonesty... the honing of skills to have the ability to discern what is right and wrong, isn't simply abt right and wrong... it includes Timing, Information, Wisdom, Environment, Assessment etc etc.

just becos u are being honest does not make u Nor the situation good or ideal. an honest doctor or lawyer may not be able to do his job, nor can a politician or salesperson. an honest fren might irk u when u're looking for complements and need encouragement... an honest person will return money without realising that the money returned is drug money and indirectly cause more harm to society than good. an honest colleague who spots your mistakes and exposes u may not be deemed as honest but a backstabber...

That's Why honing life-skills are important.
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hweebs

New Member
understand what u guys are saying. Actually I am not really looking at honesty per se, but living my life in accordance to my integrity, as well as being as authentic as possible (honesty to myself). That's the best I can do for myself
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Nevertheless, 我会å°å¿ƒçš„
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sgbabydoll

Active Member
Refusing a label on myself nor seeking to read a label on others does not make me less honest or rejecting monogamous. I don't depend on labels because I believe they tell me nothing. And I don't go around flashing my label at anyone. Do they care?

For example, there are men and women who are willing to be married but not willing to honour their marriage. Do you trust their "I am married" label?

You can't simply judge a book by its cover.

Ideals are ideals. Reality is reality.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Come on lah, I'm not black and white people. Just because I suggest one to be honest with themselves doesn't mean one is incapable of seeing the greys. This is getting really dumb here. Deep down, ask yourself.... Is it naive to be honest? It doesn't mean dictating the world to live as we live or believe. The world is real. It doesn't mean we need to live in lies right? Just because others cannot be trusted, it doesn't mean we need to intentionally lie in the belief it would somehow protect you.

Everyone of us needs to be honest ourselves to find the peace within. Life-skills includes integrity. If you are finding a life-time partner, does concealment helps?? Its a matter of time, all these lies will be uncovered. Our life partner is someone we can be frank and honest with. Isn't it? Why start in the wrong note and then try to correct that when you can start in the most sincere and honest manner?

And stop talking about labels literally. I agree that's dumb, repeating that 100 times is also pointless. I have clearly explained my context. I wonder who's black and white here.... The inability to see honesty and integrity in a more realistic context and insistence that it has to exist in some ideal world. That's pretty black & white to me.

Look at the clear context. Its about concealing clear compatibility factors in dating. That's the context.... not about some idiot with no EQ thinking that honesty is everything and causing wars etc. sorry for the strong reply... but its getting TOTALLY FAR FETCHED here.
 

simpleman

Active Member
Milo,

I am not saying you are "black & white". I am saying you are "more black & white". Again, you did not see the subtlety in that. You prefer to see either "black or white" and not the shades of grey.

I am a honest person as well. I value honesty as much as any other people. However, is there a need for me to go around telling people that I am a monogamous person to be honest? Is there a need to have a label on myself... or to portray a certain image?

And not attaching a label to ourselves or not telling certain truths about us in the first date is lack of honesty and integrity?
 

powder

Active Member
i'm grey on matters... black n white on pple... and colourful on life...

but then that's just my opinion of myself...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi sm,

I was looking more at the frankness than the act of labelling. let's stop on this labelling. Its really a very dumb manner to attempt to be honest. And just focus on being honest itself. I think that would remove the dispute and confusion which is quite pointless really. Humans are complex, I'm fully aware. But, I prefer a more honest approach especially with a life partner. Someone that requires much political correctness and tact to live with is a total nightmare for me. And a person that intentionally conceal and worst plots against me will be a total put off. I cannot live with a hypocrite. We can call it realistic or survival or anything.

powder, I would agree that is a pretty fair opinion of yourself. Black n white on pple... pretty much the context I was mentioning.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Milo, in all my latter posts I had meant "labelling" as a self-declared state of one's choice. "Labelling" in this context has taken a dramatically twisted meaning! I have been using it for the sake of convenience. I don't know why you kept thinking that people are confused.
 

moistfaucet

New Member
i will have all of them, and rotate it very other day. until i am very sick of it. then i will dump all of them and start look for 1001 st.
 

kenturik

New Member
10,000 women and every night 1, will take you more than 27 years to finish. I dun think he need oysters, he need friends. At least those can try and give a field report.
 

vios

New Member
wtf is this? i missed it....

of course i am unable to pick only one because all of them are Juliets to me in different ways..... how to choose?

heh.
 

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