Good to hear so many responses to my comments. There may have been some misinterpretations, there may have been some opposing views, but I suppose that's the limitation of human communication. As I once told a friend, if only I could just touch someone's shoulder and all my thoughts and feelings are transmitted to him, then this world would be a better place.
Still, it is good to be hearing what you guys have to say. I guess I'm a frog in the well, I guess I've had not enough relationships to learn from and I guess I'm not the only one too.
So much for reasoning, it's time to share a little bit of my burden in my heart and hope this thread is not that misplaced for me to do it.
I'm actually a guy (Doodi is just something I whipped up quickly...never tot about the gender implication) who has been married for 13 years. I never had any serious relationship before and neither did my wife. I'm a usually shy and quite type and she a bit more jovial. Thought we've always had it good and things were stable. Then things started to change, over 1 year ago, she claimed I'm not giving her security, and there were some incidences with my brother's family which I still felt were mis-communications that I didn't handle well. My leaving the job also didn't help. Wanted to try doing things on my own, but seem to be getting nowhere. Then one day after she switched to a new higher paying but more stressful job, told me she wanted to leave and move on. I was shocked and in a state of denial. I know I've been lacking in income (she earning more than me for several years already), and I don't have too much great personality traits to compare to some of her highly successful banking colleagues, but I felt certain that what we shared in relationship through the years should be worth more than material gains. Didn't know how to salvage the situation but kept patient and just tried to tell her what I think is more important. A week later she gave me a separation deed to sign, I refuse. 2 weeks later, she seemed exasperated, then revealed to me that she already found someone that potentially can move on with so asked me to give up. My totally broken heart and shattered self-respect still did not cause me to accept the truth, so I held on tried to figure out what can set things right. Urging her to try counseling didn't work, so I went myself, only to soothe my broken soul. 3 months later, she went on holiday with him, and I can't bring myself to swallow my pride anymore, so decided to stop talking to her.
Another 2 months, she still going with the guy (though still home on weekdays), and one fine day she came home to me and cried. Said sorry for hurting me but she not happy with that guy cos always quarrel. I tried to remain calm and asked her one important question, "Have you decided to leave him?" She said no, and so I didn't feel I could do or discuss anything further. Asked her to try counseling to help herself. Initially agree, then back out a few days later. So we were back to status-quo of no communication. She continued going with him for the past 1 year every weekend (sometimes longer). And I thought a lot throughout this time and finally decided that it has to be over. So today, I dropped her an email to state my decision to sell the property, split then move on.
She returned home just now, started weeping and tried to talk about how to sell the apartment but got interrupted so badly by her weeping that we had to change the discussion into why she's crying so badly. Apparently she's still feeling miserable and yet at the same time she still can't let go of those reason where I can't meet her expectations. She also said she's feeling terrible about getting herself in this mess. I asked her why she's still with him then and the reply is that she has no one else left. Good lord!!! Now what am I to make of all these? Feels like I'm going through the same confusing discussion about our grievances in the beginning when I tried to talk her out of going with a 3rd party.
Eventually I managed to convince her that repeating this conversation is not going to get us anywhere and the next best thing is to discuss this in the presence of a professional counselor to help us sort out how we can move on.
So that's the story of my puny broken relationship experience. Still not over totally, so would appreciate any views from the more experience folks here. Good or bad doesn't matter, cos at this point I don't know what to feel anymore. I won't bite back in any way, I promise....just wanna hear what's out there for now. You might not get the entire picture but the gist is all here. Further questions also welcomed if you need to get a clearer view. Thanks.