Please Advise: Who should inform girl parents?

Blurbery

New Member
Hi All,

I am new here and is in some relationship dilemma...

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and my boyfriend does not get along with my parents.

I have been opposing them to continue be with my boyfriend. The time comes and we are getting married next year.

We have done some planning but he did not ask for my hand from my parents and asked me to inform my parents about the dates of the wedding.. I feel something is amissed ..

While I know they don't get along... Shouldn't guys be the one that inform girls side parents? Or am I wrong??

What does you guys or your partner does?
Please advise me... Thank you..


In addition..

We are also in some conflicts recently and he asked us to put the wedding on hold.. Yet suddenly rushed me to book for banquet due to the recent bridal fair promotion.. so I am not sure if I am ready for this marriage anymore as he seems fickle minded and selfish...

Troubled feelings...
 


newproject

Active Member
Hmm I don't know.

You already know the relationship between your parents and him is bad. Not surprised he did not ask them for "your hand".

Sidenote do Singaporeans do that? Seems like a western thing for guy to ask permission of parents before proposing .

Anyway how bad is bad their relationship?

Like totally refuse to be in same room bad? Or just coolly disapproving bad?

Before you get married you need decide and be ready for consequences. Will your parents even come to the wedding ?

Are you ready for any fall out from your marriage? Big or small?

Remember you already knew this prob existed. But now when it is time to pull the trigger you might start to realise it's not that easy...
 

Blurbery

New Member
Hmm I don't know.

You already know the relationship between your parents and him is bad. Not surprised he did not ask them for "your hand".

Sidenote do Singaporeans do that? Seems like a western thing for guy to ask permission of parents before proposing .

Anyway how bad is bad their relationship?

Like totally refuse to be in same room bad? Or just coolly disapproving bad?

Before you get married you need decide and be ready for consequences. Will your parents even come to the wedding ?

Are you ready for any fall out from your marriage? Big or small?

Remember you already knew this prob existed. But now when it is time to pull the trigger you might start to realise it's not that easy...


Hi.. Almost everyone I know of does that in singapore... so I am not sure if it applies to all..

The fallout is big enough that they do not even want to be in the same room.. My mother did mentioned before she will not attend my wedding and will not help a hand.. I am to handle everything and decide myself...

Even after marriage do not visit her anymore..

Maybe it is foolish of me to think that this will eventually be resolved when my boyfriend see the amount of efforts I put in and will soften...

However it does not seems to be so....
 

helloyou

Member
I think it depends on how much blessings you wish to receive from your parent. For me, my family's blessing is very important and I specifically told my bf to ask my parent before he propose.

So I Guess if it's very impt to you, talk to your bf and see if he's willing to change for you.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Hi.. Almost everyone I know of does that in singapore... so I am not sure if it applies to all..

The fallout is big enough that they do not even want to be in the same room.. My mother did mentioned before she will not attend my wedding and will not help a hand.. I am to handle everything and decide myself...

Even after marriage do not visit her anymore..

Maybe it is foolish of me to think that this will eventually be resolved when my boyfriend see the amount of efforts I put in and will soften...

However it does not seems to be so....

It's a norm for the guy to inform the lady's parents about the intention of marrying their daughter.it is also a form of respect towards her parents.

Based on what u relate,the situation between ur parents and bf seems pretty sour.It is alright if u reveal what has resulted in this strained relationship?Not sure what problems has caused this situation but I feel you need to weigh the pros and cons of getting married to this guy carefully.Can you tolerate with the prospect of your mum not attending your wedding and not caring about you anymore after getting married?it is worth falling out with your parents,the ones who raised you up over him?You also mentioned that he seems fickle minded and selfish in the marriage preparations.your decision seems to waver.Feel that you better rethink on your decision to marry him.It is also impt to resolve the issues between ur parents and bf before getting married.if not it will be tough on u after that.
 

ing1

Active Member
The fact that you are already questioning about your readiness for this marriage shows that you are not ready. Trust yr sixth sense. :)
 

Cath_rina

Member
Hi All,

I am new here and is in some relationship dilemma...

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and my boyfriend does not get along with my parents.

I have been opposing them to continue be with my boyfriend. The time comes and we are getting married next year.

We have done some planning but he did not ask for my hand from my parents and asked me to inform my parents about the dates of the wedding.. I feel something is amissed ..

While I know they don't get along... Shouldn't guys be the one that inform girls side parents? Or am I wrong??

What does you guys or your partner does?
Please advise me... Thank you..


In addition..

We are also in some conflicts recently and he asked us to put the wedding on hold.. Yet suddenly rushed me to book for banquet due to the recent bridal fair promotion.. so I am not sure if I am ready for this marriage anymore as he seems fickle minded and selfish...

Troubled feelings...
Is he a local guy?
 

Cath_rina

Member
A piece of advice here,if you really hate local guys, u should emigrate to western countries. In this way, you have more opportunities to be involved with those so called foreign guys who are not losers.Be a real winner here and do local guys a service.

Hey i haven't even started talking. I was merely asking. Why you local guys are so sensitive and fragile?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Hi.. Almost everyone I know of does that in singapore... so I am not sure if it applies to all..

The fallout is big enough that they do not even want to be in the same room.. My mother did mentioned before she will not attend my wedding and will not help a hand.. I am to handle everything and decide myself...

Even after marriage do not visit her anymore..

Maybe it is foolish of me to think that this will eventually be resolved when my boyfriend see the amount of efforts I put in and will soften...

However it does not seems to be so....

No one can answer for you
- How important is your family approval to your relationship?
- How much do you know and understand your bf.
- Do you see a future with him?
- Have you consider your marriage life without family support?
- How supportive and understanding is he about your concerns?

If you didn't think about all these, you should.
Communicate, no point expecting your partner should do this or don't do that.

Align your expectations, needs and priorities. From there, you have a good picture if you really want a life with him. If yes, no matter how much resistance you get from your folks, you will not waiver.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
No one can answer for you
- How important is your family approval to your relationship?
- How much do you know and understand your bf.
- Do you see a future with him?
- Have you consider your marriage life without family support?
- How supportive and understanding is he about your concerns?

If you didn't think about all these, you should.
Communicate, no point expecting your partner should do this or don't do that.

Align your expectations, needs and priorities. From there, you have a good picture if you really want a life with him. If yes, no matter how much resistance you get from your folks, you will not waiver.

Well said. Relationship usually breaks up because of expectations. Not easy to give and take, u need to understand what are both your priorities.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
A piece of advice here,if you really hate local guys, u should emigrate to western countries. In this way, you have more opportunities to be involved with those so called foreign guys who are not losers.Be a real winner here and do local guys a service.

It's not a matter of sensitivity.its seems that ur going to criticize local guys again.Seriously most guys here are working class ppl.if ur lucky you can find a few wealthy ones but u must understand that life has its highs and lows
.Most guys would expect their loved ones to stand by them in times of need.u dun seem to fit in this aspect.
 
is basic respect for a guy to seek the parents view prior to marriage, else if this foundation is not set straight in stone then the marriage will be filled with criticism from both sides of the parents.
when in doubt, sit back, think in depth if he is going to be a good partner in the future.
 

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