Wedding $$$$ giving and returning

CelynJui

Member
You guys sound young. Don't sound like the typical late 20/early 30s local grad type.

I find girls like that are the ones who likely to struggle between western ideas of gender equality and yet feel pulled toward more traditional "guy should pay more /all" modes.
Lol we both are in our mid 30s already... We dont ge gao so much de..
 


Staypositive

Active Member
Lol you are like the Polar opposite of another poster who had an affair with a French bf cos she complains her husband is a failure at work, got retrenched and now doing Uber.

This "lady" is complaing her husband is a total failure and she's justified in doing what she does and want advise on using woman's charter to own her soon to be ex husband so she gets the house and alimony as compensation because he wasted 7 years of her youth.

I'm 90% sure she's a troll though.

As for you, Staypositive will be coming in soon anytime soon to tell you not to be so nice and protect yourself and don't be so nice to your husband.

You too nice / not selfish enough the guy will get lazy etc
Hey newproject,what rubbish are you talking abt?!!!!since when did I ask women not to be nice to their husbands?!!!and why can't women not protect themselves when there are selfish and irresponsible guys around?i don't see u speaking up for ladies in this forum whom encountered such situations.who is the biased one here.

And for u guys out there,stop using women charter as an excuse for being selfish towards women,it's a weak argument and show how spineless u guys are.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Kudos to you!

Unfortunately, many don't think like this. The need to exploit their spouse and protect themselves. We hear alot of stories and complaints from both gender. The world is never fair. Women's charter, women losing their youth and value etc. Marriage is always a gamble. We gain some lose some. What's impt is we gamble on what's worth for us. Even when we lose, we accept. no regrets. To begin a marriage already in a bargain and defence, the trust is not there to begin. There is no perfect relationships, some people just cannot let go of their defense and will never trust. Their partners just need to accept and be really understanding on this part.

Erm miloice,protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse uh.so in a hypothetical situation whereby you dun earn so much and you pay lesser than ur spouse,can I said that u are actually Exploiting ur spouse?
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Ya i agree with you not to be too nice to the guy.. But he helps me with housework and other stuffs.. He strive hards for our future too.. But the moment he is home he is like the King hahahaha

What do u mean he behaves like a King?you have to serve him?It sounds like you are not too pleased with this behaviour.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I agree, girl or guys both can get cheated but if divorced the guy suffers more.

But let's put that aside.



Huh? So you agreeing guys shouldn't pay more either? So you are advocate of everything 50-50? Even if guy earns 2x?

BTW I paid almost everything for our wedding.. But I earn more.

If my partner earns a lot more and refuses to chip in even 50-50, I would be really unhappy and reconsider the relationship.

After all this whole "protect yourself" business is BS. You getting married! If you so scared until nerd protect yourself (whether you guy or gal) you probably shouldn't get married.

My problem is with people like Staypositive that only jumpin and tell girls to protect themselves but when guys do it, say it's ok.

Erm,before you argue on the point of protecting oneself,may I ask you a qn.if a guy earns more than the lady and still Insists on everything half half,he is right to do so?

Newproject ,all these while you have been protecting yourself in terms of finance with your Wife isn't it?by pooling ur expenses together.hence you get defensive when ppl disagreed with what you think.if you said protecting oneself is BS,you are also BS yourself, since you are protecting yourself too.stop claiming to be high class when ur not.and I thought ur a veteran of this forum??? Veterans gave such advice?!
 
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Staypositive

Active Member
You guys sound young. Don't sound like the typical late 20/early 30s local grad type.

I find girls like that are the ones who likely to struggle between western ideas of gender equality and yet feel pulled toward more traditional "guy should pay more /all
My fiance does not give me a propsal ring at all.. We work tgt as delivery now and before he work as house mover.. Our wedding is this Nov and we pool our $$ tgt for work, expenses and wedding.. My parents n my family n his sisters are helping us out with our wedding expenses for now and we work harder to return.. I dont see the reason and rational why guys have to pay every single thing.. Our wedding is only 10-15 tables which majority tables are my family and we are stress as well but luckily everything works our smoothly now..

Personally i feel and think that dont expect guys to fork out everything for wedding, no matter he come from well to do family or average family or who earns more than who..

You are indeed an understanding girl.thumbs up!you will be loved and appreciated.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Well what do woman have to worry about? There's always the woman's charter.

Besides most guys do indeed foot more of the bill including me and nobody blinks an eye.

Why you never warn guys like us? That girls will take for granted etc? But in *one* rare case you so worried?
Yes
You guys sound young. Don't sound like the typical late 20/early 30s local grad type.

I find girls like that are the ones who likely to struggle between western ideas of gender equality and yet feel pulled toward more traditional "guy should pay more /all" modes.

Hey newproject,dun be so stereotypical.i know of female friends whom are local grads but dun behave like what you mentioned.they dun take advantage of guys and are usually willing to pay their share.at the end of the day it's the character of the person that decides how he or she behaves.
 

CelynJui

Member
Yes


Hey newproject,dun be so stereotypical.i know of female friends whom are local grads but dun behave like what you mentioned.they dun take advantage of guys and are usually willing to pay their share.at the end of the day it's the character of the person that decides how he or she behaves.
Staypositive,
Sometimes convos like that can see how a person behaves and how much they fork out for their r/s..
Newproject,
Yes thou women are protected by women's charter also doant mean need the guys to fork ourt everything ma..
Me n my man are very simple, we dun club dun drink dun gamble.. We dun go shopping frequently and on sun we spend most of our time at home or go cinema watch movie then come home as we spend our 6 days working and on the road most of our time..
 

newproject

Active Member
Hey newproject,what rubbish are you talking abt?!!!!since when did I ask women not to be nice to their husbands?!!!
See your post in this thread 25 and also below.

and why can't women not protect themselves when there are selfish and irresponsible guys around?i don't see u speaking up for ladies in this forum whom encountered such situations.who is the biased one here.

You must be blind to think in terms of finances gals need protection. there is usually no need to ask girls toprotect themselves because the convention is Guy pay more! You agree guys should pay more right? It's extremely rare for a girl to pay equal or even more hence this thread.

Anyway I find your attitude towards girl disgusting. You think of them as inferior to yourself and always need protecting. Hence you always jumping in to defend them no matter what. Even when they just share they love their husband's and want to help with their finances you worry for them that they not protecting themselves. They are perfectly happy mind you.

And for u guys out there,stop using women charter as an excuse for being selfish towards women,it's a weak argument and show how spineless u guys are.

Lol define "selfish" . So the guys in this thread who earn far less but their wives pay equal or same expenses is "selfish".

Guys always have to pay all or more under all circumstances than is not "selfish"?
 

newproject

Active Member
Erm miloice,protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse uh.so in a hypothetical situation whereby you dun earn so much and you pay lesser than ur spouse,can I said that u are actually Exploiting ur spouse?

According to you, the answer would depend on the gender of the person paying less.

If the female is paying less she's protecting herself.

If the male is paying less he's exploiting her, also he's selfish and weak and using wc has an excuse.

There. I answered for you.
 

newproject

Active Member
What do u mean he behaves like a King?you have to serve him?It sounds like you are not too pleased with this behaviour.

Lol the white knight, needless defender of women strikes again. I know you got no gf but no need to keep thinking every girl in a happy relative ship need recusing by you.

Give you a tip, people who don't start threads but are just commenting usually have no issues you no need to be so protective.

If you get a wife you will treat her like a princess or queen right? Does that mean you unhappy? Need me to save you? :)

It's obviously just a phrase and besides some people whether male or female feel love is about service.
 

newproject

Active Member
Erm,before you argue on the point of protecting oneself,may I ask you a qn.if a guy earns more than the lady and still Insists on everything half half,he is right to do so?

As I said before such matters are normative, and there is no right or wrong.

I do think you are hypocritical and inconsistent with your statements. Can you admit you think girls need more protection than guys? In every post I see you hyper aware of girls situations like always worried they taken advantage or bullied.

If it's the person who started the thread ok. But it's just normal happy girls sharing their situations and you instantly worried they taken advantage or unhappy. This thread alone you did it twice.

Newproject ,all these while you have been protecting yourself in terms of finance with your Wife isn't it?by pooling ur expenses together.hence you get defensive when ppl disagreed with what you think.if you said protecting oneself is BS,you are also BS yourself, since you are protecting yourself too.stop claiming to be high class when ur not.!

Actually I'm doing what I suspect you would do if you ever get a wife . Aka I'm paying for most expenses. I fully trust my wife, it's our money and even though I earn more now, who knows what happens in future?

Is this protecting myself? I never thought of it in those terms. The key is my wife is similar to miloce wife, you never get a sense they are trying to protect themselves only or they have some self entitled idea as a girl it's the duty of the guy to earn money for them to spend.

Girls who at the start or always worry about getting taken advantage during wedding planning typically is a bad sign.

Either they are the self Entitled type of girls or giving the benefit of the doubt are girls who aren't 100% committed.

The former not much need to be said beyond the fact they are not wife quality. E. G. Brides who want big expensive wedding the grooms can't quite afford and don't want chip in beyond minimum.

As for the latter,

If you are so calculative and at this stage worrying about protecting yourself it means at back of your mind you thinking the marriage won't work so need protection.

and I thought ur a veteran of this forum??? Veterans gave such advice?,,

I'M not that much of a veteran of this forum really. But unlike you I actually have experience with relationships!

You can be a veteran of this forum all you want but it's clear from your writing you have no real experience.

Planned a wedding before? Suffered heartbreak before? No? Then stop posting like you know anything.
 
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newproject

Active Member
Newproject,
Yes thou women are protected by women's charter also doant mean need the guys to fork ourt everything ma..
Me n my man are very simple, we dun club dun drink dun gamble.. We dun go shopping frequently and on sun we spend most of our time at home or go cinema watch movie then come home as we spend our 6 days working and on the road most of our time..

Girls like you posting here and miloce and my wife are really wife quality.

Ignore Staypositive, he always thinks girls like you are taken advantage of or are bullied because you love your bf.

I'm not surprised after all he has no experience with r/s, doesn't know how it feels to love someone and let your guard down and willing to do almost anything even treat him/her like king or queen so want him/her to be happy.

The key of course is to love the right person...

That's why when you start dating open your eyes big big but when you decide your partner is worth loving a lifetime, its time to marry and go in opening your heart big big.

Staypositive never understood this, how could he since he has no experience. That's why I always stress for guys at the start observe how the girl acts. If at the beginning she's all entitled then better run since it's only at the start.

But when marrying if you already decided she's the right one and you can pay more because you earn more why not? Besides if position is reversed you marrying someone one who would do the same right?
 

newproject

Active Member
Girls like you posting here and miloce and my wife are really wife quality.

Ignore Staypositive, he always thinks girls like you are taken advantage of or are bullied because you love your bf.

I'm not surprised after all he has no experience with r/s, doesn't know how it feels to love someone and let your guard down and willing to do almost anything even treat him/her like king or queen so want him/her to be happy.

The key of course is to love the right person...

That's why when you start dating open your eyes big big but when you decide your partner is worth loving a lifetime, its time to marry and go in opening your heart big big.

Staypositive never understood this, how could he since he has no experience. He always thinks I'm exploiting my wife or protecting myself in Finances. He 100% wrong.

That's why I always stress for guys at the start observe how the girl acts. If at the beginning she's all entitled then better run since it's only at the start.

But when marrying if you already decided she's the right one and you can pay more because you earn more why not? Besides if position is reserved you marrying someone one who would do the same right?
 

CelynJui

Member
Newproject and staypositive,

Chill chill okay.. Its just forums chat and discussion only.. Dun become keyboard warriors.. Each and everyone has different pespertive
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Newproject and staypositive,

Chill chill okay.. Its just forums chat and discussion only.. Dun become keyboard warriors.. Each and everyone has different pespertive
Girls like you posting here and miloce and my wife are really wife quality.

Ignore Staypositive, he always thinks girls like you are taken advantage of or are bullied because you love your bf.

I'm not surprised after all he has no experience with r/s, doesn't know how it feels to love someone and let your guard down and willing to do almost anything even treat him/her like king or queen so want him/her to be happy.

The key of course is to love the right person...

That's why when you start dating open your eyes big big but when you decide your partner is worth loving a lifetime, its time to marry and go in opening your heart big big.

Staypositive never understood this, how could he since he has no experience. That's why I always stress for guys at the start observe how the girl acts. If at the beginning she's all entitled then better run since it's only at the start.

But when marrying if you already decided she's the right one and you can pay more because you earn more why not? Besides if position is reversed you marrying someone one who would do the same right?

Ignore me?you should be the one to be ignored!who is the one being calculative here.its u not me.you are just plain MCP,stingy and a have low comprehension skills.i have one question to ask you,would you love ur wife with ur life?answer honestly.how do you know I don't have experience?you know me personally?Who are you to judge?Seriously you should leave this forum since all u do is give MCP remarks.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Lol the white knight, needless defender of women strikes again. I know you got no gf but no need to keep thinking every girl in a happy relative ship need recusing by you.

Give you a tip, people who don't start threads but are just commenting usually have no issues you no need to be so protective.

If you get a wife you will treat her like a princess or queen right? Does that mean you unhappy? Need me to save you? :)

It's obviously just a phrase and besides some people whether male or female feel love is about service.

Seriously u have some issues with comprehension and is downright calculative.if a man wants half half in everything or a man
earns more than wives but the lady still has to pay more becos he is selfish,it's that ok???All u talk abt its princess entitlement lah,bashing females lah,dun you think you should look at the other side of the coin??????? I bet ur doing that becos you are male.you are just defending males in general,am I correct?so ur opinions are BIASED.i hope ur so called wife will not suffer under your hands or wake up her idea to see who u truly is.
 
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Staypositive

Active Member
Newproject and staypositive,

Chill chill okay.. Its just forums chat and discussion only.. Dun become keyboard warriors.. Each and everyone has different pespertive
Perhaps Newproject is just an aged uncle who is behind times with stingy and MCP views.He seems pretty unkind too from the way he bashed others.can such ppl words be trusted?you decide.His opinions can only be viewed with a pinch of salt.you can love someone but not blindly.reality hurts but it's hard.take care and may u chose the right person.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
According to you, the answer would depend on the gender of the person paying less.

If the female is paying less she's protecting herself.

If the male is paying less he's exploiting her, also he's selfish and weak and using wc has an excuse.

There. I answered for you.

That is an extremely weak argument skewed towards ur weak comprehension skills.
And anyway,ur making assumptions again.felt so sad for u coz u never learn.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Girls like you posting here and miloce and my wife are really wife quality.

Ignore Staypositive, he always thinks girls like you are taken advantage of or are bullied because you love your bf.

I'm not surprised after all he has no experience with r/s, doesn't know how it feels to love someone and let your guard down and willing to do almost anything even treat him/her like king or queen so want him/her to be happy.

The key of course is to love the right person...

That's why when you start dating open your eyes big big but when you decide your partner is worth loving a lifetime, its time to marry and go in opening your heart big big.

Staypositive never understood this, how could he since he has no experience. That's why I always stress for guys at the start observe how the girl acts. If at the beginning she's all entitled then better run since it's only at the start.

But when marrying if you already decided she's the right one and you can pay more because you earn more why not? Besides if position is reversed you marrying someone one who would do the same right?

Wife quality means the girl have to suffer with you when you suffer?what kind of a man would bear to let his own wife suffer?
 

newproject

Active Member
Wife quality means the girl have to suffer with you when you suffer?what kind of a man would bear to let his own wife suffer?
What you talking about? So you saying if you get retrenched, or critical illness befalls you and you are suffering you want to divorce your wife because you suffering and for her to stay with you is suffering.

That's so patronizing to woman.
 

newproject

Active Member
Perhaps Newproject is just an aged uncle who is behind times with stingy and MCP views .

Lol. You the guy who think guy should pay everything or most thinks (even if the girl earns much more) , also woman need to be protected. That's a very MCP view that thinks woman are weakings or children that can't think for themselves

I'm the guy who thinks there should be more equality and I'm the MCP? You know the meaning of MCP or not?
 

newproject

Active Member
Seriously u have some issues with comprehension and is downright calculative.if a man wants half half in everything or a man
earns more than wives but the lady still has to pay more becos he is selfish,it's that ok???All u talk abt its princess entitlement lah,bashing females lah,dun you think you should look at the other side of the coin??????? I bet ur doing that becos you are male.you are just defending males in general,am I correct?so ur opinions are BIASED.i hope ur so called wife will not suffer under your hands or wake up her idea to see who u truly is.

Can you type in better English?

I can barely understand you.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Lol. You the guy who think guy should pay everything or most thinks (even if the girl earns much more) , also woman need to be protected. That's a very MCP view that thinks woman are weakings or children that can't think for themselves

I'm the guy who thinks there should be more equality and I'm the MCP? You know the meaning of MCP or not?
Equality?my foot lah.dun try to act class here.you said in a previous post woman must give birth to child in order to please in laws.if no MCP then what?PCM?LOL.go and watch tv lah,you are not suited to be commenting in this forum.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
What you talking about? So you saying if you get retrenched, or critical illness befalls you and you are suffering you want to divorce your wife because you suffering and for her to stay with you is suffering.

That's so patronizing to woman.
Kindly improve ur sentence structure and language before you post.be considerate to readers.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Ok you win.

You out played me in this battle of wits and made me look foolish in this exchange.

But I will be back. Better count on i
Ok you win.

You out played me in this battle of wits and made me look foolish in this exchange.

But I will be back. Better count on it!

Dun be angry lah,just a sparring of words only.dun be such a sore loser leh.just position yourself with better arguments next time loh.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Erm miloice,protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse uh.so in a hypothetical situation whereby you dun earn so much and you pay lesser than ur spouse,can I said that u are actually Exploiting ur spouse?

Exploiting means you enjoy at expense of your partner. Taking advantage. Not difficult to comprehend pooling resources and maximising what the couple can achieve together. Not just financially, commitment is in all aspects. Many MCP men thinks all they need to provide financially, the rest is just his partner to cope.

When you protect yourself against danger in the right situation, its common sense. Everyone can understand, wheen a person KEEPS huge buffers themselves believing they need to protect themselves against their life long partner. It reflects alot. It reflects on the personality, integrity, ethics and basic values on what is right and acceptable. It reflects SELF CENTEREDNESS. It reflects the inability to trust, on how little faith they have about their marriage and relationships on the whole. It reflects that relationship isn't that great at all. Then why marry? Because of other reasons than the relationship itself?

He/she is marrying someone, willing to legally accept as husband and wife but believes it will fail. As I explained before, some people will never let go of their baised insecurity and its really too bad for the partner. You choose someone like this, you live with it. For myself, it is absolutely important that my partner trust me because of the relationship itself and for who I am. The man she knows and chose to marry. If the marriage fails, I will still want the best for her. So, there is no need to keep buffers.
 
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miloice

Well-Known Member
I wrote "The need to exploit their spouse and protect themselves."
Erm miloice,protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse uh.so in a hypothetical situation whereby you dun earn so much and you pay lesser than ur spouse,can I said that u are actually Exploiting ur spouse?

Your analogy is problematic.
1) Where is exploitation?
2) Since when is relationship measured by money?

Your question, "protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse"
So, when you eat Ben and Jerry's cookies and cream, you will wonder why cookies mean cream?
The statement clearly mentioned 2 parts, exploiting their spouses and protecting themselves.

Perhaps you need to rethink about your question. What are you digging. It isn't there. When both pool in their resources together, it never met equal on everything. The process of trying to quantify everything in the relationship, not just money is basically pointless. When there is no exploitation, who earns more, can afford more. Does it matter?
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I wrote "The need to exploit their spouse and protect themselves."


Your analogy is problematic.
1) Where is exploitation?
2) Since when is relationship measured by money?

Your question, "protecting themselves means exploiting their spouse"
So, when you eat Ben and Jerry's cookies and cream, you will wonder why cookies mean cream?
The statement clearly mentioned 2 parts, exploiting their spouses and protecting themselves.

Perhaps you need to rethink about your question. What are you digging. It isn't there. When both pool in their resources together, it never met equal on everything. The process of trying to quantify everything in the relationship, not just money is basically pointless. When there is no exploitation, who earns more, can afford more. Does it matter?

I think you misunderstood.im just plain irritated that you said there are ppl who sees the need to exploit their spouses in order to protect themselves.it seems like you are implying ppl who contribute lesser at the expense of their spouses are exploiting their loved ones.To be frank,is there such a need when they are already husband and wife?thats why I asked u,if you are the spouse earning lesser than your wife,would you be considered exploiting ur wife?
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Exploiting means you enjoy at expense of your partner. Taking advantage. Not difficult to comprehend pooling resources and maximising what the couple can achieve together. Not just financially, commitment is in all aspects. Many MCP men thinks all they need to provide financially, the rest is just his partner to cope.

When you protect yourself against danger in the right situation, its common sense. Everyone can understand, wheen a person KEEPS huge buffers themselves believing they need to protect themselves against their life long partner. It reflects alot. It reflects on the personality, integrity, ethics and basic values on what is right and acceptable. It reflects SELF CENTEREDNESS. It reflects the inability to trust, on how little faith they have about their marriage and relationships on the whole. It reflects that relationship isn't that great at all. Then why marry? Because of other reasons than the relationship itself?

He/she is marrying someone, willing to legally accept as husband and wife but believes it will fail. As I explained before, some people will never let go of their baised insecurity and its really too bad for the partner. You choose someone like this, you live with it. For myself, it is absolutely important that my partner trust me because of the relationship itself and for who I am. The man she knows and chose to marry. If the marriage fails, I will still want the best for her. So, there is no need to keep buffers.

Yeah.if anything happens in the marriage,the women charter will also come in and ensure that you provide her with what is best for her.lol.
In this uncertain world where change is the only thing that is constant,ppl tend to have insecurities.keeping "secret" money may be their defence mechanism.everyone have the instinct to protect oneself,it's only to what extent.hmm..this is also the reason why there are some ppl who sign pre nuptial agreements before marriage to protect themselves.
 

newproject

Active Member
this is also the reason why there are some ppl who sign pre nuptial agreements before marriage to protect themselves.

Just to clarify prenuptials have no standing in sg.

I'm sure someone as experienced as you and a veteran poster of this forum knows that but not every one reading this is as well versed in family law as you, so I hope you don't mind me mentioning this in case someone is misled.
 

4sgbrides

New Member
No sweeping statements on prenups please! :) It might be possible they MAY still carry some weight, depending on individual circumstances. Do consult a lawyer!
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Just to clarify prenuptials have no standing in sg.

I'm sure someone as experienced as you and a veteran poster of this forum knows that but not every one reading this is as well versed in family law as you, so I hope you don't mind me mentioning this in case someone is misled.

Are you sure pre-nuptial agreements have no effect at all??though it may not be as common as the West,they Are still ppl who sign such agreements before marriage.
 

JaneLi

Member
My fiance does not give me a propsal ring at all.. We work tgt as delivery now and before he work as house mover.. Our wedding is this Nov and we pool our $$ tgt for work, expenses and wedding.. My parents n my family n his sisters are helping us out with our wedding expenses for now and we work harder to return.. I dont see the reason and rational why guys have to pay every single thing.. Our wedding is only 10-15 tables which majority tables are my family and we are stress as well but luckily everything works our smoothly now..

Personally i feel and think that dont expect guys to fork out everything for wedding, no matter he come from well to do family or average family or who earns more than who..
I like your last sentence... very rare to hear or see girls with this kind of mentality ... even i as a girl sometimes get caught between the values. I agree with you that both in a relationship should share the burden/cost of everything involving you 2 .. it's also a form of togetherness i guess ?
 

traciee

Active Member
My hubs and I forked out the same amount every month into our joint account. We don’t do ratio calculation because when u do so, I personally feel that you are being calculative already (personal opinion, don’t shoot me!)

When we were preparing our wedding, he was also earning way lesser than me. I didn’t want him to wipe out all his savings just for the wedding because u wont enjoy this whole process. So for my engagement ring, we waited till it was the GSS period and went ring shopping. Bought one at $1.1k only! Hahahaha. To my friends they were like why so cheap but I love it so much! Who cares how much it cost?


For other wedding preparations, we paid using the monies in the joint account. Whatever red packet we got, all goes back into the joint account too. Then now that money is slowly building up to save for our flat reno next year. Oh, we are still saving the same amount every month into the joint account


So TS, question is, if you feel that the guy is supposed to pay more etc etc, then what happens with all the red packets when u receive it? Are u gonna split or all goes to the girl’s side?


I think ultimately it depends on what is acceptable to you and your bf. Marriage is a loooong term commitment. Don’t ruin it just cause of money. Really not worth it
 

newproject

Active Member
This thread is so heartening, that many local (I assuming so) girls love their husbands and aren't so calculative or trying to "protect themselves" or whatever nice sounding reason to be selfish.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Forum mobile app
 

4sgbrides

New Member
Maybe only applicable to those ladies who wish to live a more extravagant lifestyle? Thus relying on their husbands? I don't feel such a need cause I am able to fund what I want (with some to spare) and won't need to be so calculative.

The joint account idea seems good. Probably gonna do it!
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Yeah.if anything happens in the marriage,the women charter will also come in and ensure that you provide her with what is best for her.lol.
In this uncertain world where change is the only thing that is constant,ppl tend to have insecurities.keeping "secret" money may be their defence mechanism.everyone have the instinct to protect oneself,it's only to what extent.hmm..this is also the reason why there are some ppl who sign pre nuptial agreements before marriage to protect themselves.

I agree, its to what extend. Some are reasonable, others is downright selfish. We are bluffing ourselves to justifying and protecting selfishness. Some people cannot let go, even if the relationship is dragging them, they hold on with a miserable life together.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I think you misunderstood.im just plain irritated that you said there are ppl who sees the need to exploit their spouses in order to protect themselves.it seems like you are implying ppl who contribute lesser at the expense of their spouses are exploiting their loved ones.To be frank,is there such a need when they are already husband and wife?thats why I asked u,if you are the spouse earning lesser than your wife,would you be considered exploiting ur wife?

I think you have misunderstood my initial point. As explained in my response, there are 2 parts, the need to protect themselves and the exploitation. Completely agree that couples shouldn't need to be calculative, this is only possible if your partner shares this view as well. If you marry someone that is always trying to manipulate and take advantage, its very tiring and disheartening. If you really put in effort to the relationship, all these distrust is just an insult to it.

I was speaking more of my own personal experience. My ex fully exploits me. Left me without savings in 3 years. Her expectations just continued and I was to be blamed to grow that appetite. So, I took responsibility of my foolishness and cut the ties. It took me the experience to realise some people values are just not the same. Exploitation and self interest is a right to them, they are OK completely to let their partner suffer while they can enjoy free shopping, expenses and everything. It doesn't matter how sincere and much effort we put in the relationship, some people are natural takers. I believe in 2 way relationship where both will give and take.
 
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newproject

Active Member
I
I was speaking more of my own personal experience. My ex fully exploits me. Left me without savings in 3 years. Her expectations just continued and I was to be blamed to grow that appetite. So, I took responsibility of my foolishness and cut the ties. It took me the experience to realise some people values are just not the same. .

Miloice no point answering staypositive he really has no experience he won't get what you say.
 

CelynJui

Member
I like your last sentence... very rare to hear or see girls with this kind of mentality ... even i as a girl sometimes get caught between the values. I agree with you that both in a relationship should share the burden/cost of everything involving you 2 .. it's also a form of togetherness i guess ?
Like two togertherness/getting married is to share all burdes together.. Be it sweet or bitter.. Im working togetjer with him like i said before but am leaving for a FT job as we find that if we work together we cant save much thus we decided that i go out to work..

Newproject and staypositive, stop biting at each other's point ka, each and individual have sifferent views and points..
 

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