Wife cheated on me...

Truth is society nowadays favours woman. Man espically many well educated man are taught to be losers and submit to woman thinkinf this will earn their loyalty lol.

There is an answer though...

I do agree with this statement. The fact is no one is helping the men. There is one organisation for women but none for men. Even when more and more men are becoming the victim in a marriage, no one can help them. It's just sad though that this is what is happening in the society now. Imagine 50 years ago, women don't insult men and they follow the men wherever they go. Nowadays, it is the other way round. We really need some Caucasian to start a men organisation that help men before Asia can follow. The rights of women are championed by the Caucasian in the past and it succeeds but none for men.
 


SadSmurfettes

New Member
No idea why you feel so bitter & the need to insult me and women in a bid to vent your frustration.

My conscience is clear. Shall not bring myself to your level.

If you've followed this thread, I'm on the guy's side (not yours though). Not the woman's.

Pls do not assume that money is everything. Certain contributions are not measured by monetary terms. Unless you're a saying if i earn $1.5k a month and my HTB earns $15k, both still have to contribute equally. In that case, I really thank god I do not even know you.

I supported my HTB to bring him to where he is today and vice versa. We appreciate each other for that.

Really thank you for the insult and unkind reminder. There's really no need to bring yourself down to insult people to bring a point across, you know?

And no point feeling bitter. Just be glad your wtb appreciates you. Don't have to get all so worked up, newproject.

If you've been hearing horror stories about men being cheated by women, it's either you're immersing yourself too much into them or you know what, hang out with other people.

There're still lot of happy marriages out there. I certainly hope you believe so, otherwise, why tie the knot if you're feeling so bitter about things?

I completely agree.
The percentage of men who thinks every girl is out to cheat him money wise or his feelings should just stay out of marriages, or better still, relationships.

Why get yourself involved with a girl in the first place when you've been warned by your surrounding friends and then feel bitter & complain about it afterwards?
And they say women are confusing?
I rest my case.
 

SadSmurfettes

New Member
Hey, I don't really agree about the allowance part if she can earn her own keep. The fact is after you give $10 of allowance, she would want more after that.

For example, Initially, I gave my ex-wife $200 per month even though she is working and I am paying everything in the house. After that she wants $300. I am still ok if she looks after the house but no, she just save the money without contributing anything in the house.

After a few months, she becomes unhappy again and wants $400 per month. By the way, I don't earn much and I still have to give to my aging parents who are retired and who spend their lifetime caring for me. I still have to pay monthly mortgage, groceries, bills and cook for her everyday. She just sleep at home and wake up for food. If she don't like the food, she threw it on the ground and I have to clean up after her. If not, she would throw a tantrum and threw the phone at me. Then, I have to buy another new phone. I change the home phone 3 times per month.

Guess what? After a few months, she become unhappy and wants $1000 per month!!!

The fact is if wife wants allowance, contribute to the family and not just take and save it without contributing.

Ok, now that is PLAIN GREED.

I don't speak for every woman but unless i'm saving up for a particular reason, i would share my savings with my husband, especially if we've kids or if he's financially tight.
You never know when you might need money so it's good to save aside for a rainy day, no?

So you mentioned you kept having to increase your wife's allowance but you never asked her why? Why is that? YOU SHOULD!

Maybe i might be the only simple minded one here but whenever i request hubby for an increase in savings, i ALWAYS let him know why.
I don't see why i should hide why i'm saving up.
I know he has savings of his own & i NEVER touch nor request his, regardless the situation. (I don't even ask how much he earns as it's his privacy.)
Hence, my insistence that he gives me allowance, even if it is a small amount.

Eg, planning for a holiday.
Me : Dear, this month don't just save few hundred in our joint account. Bank in more ok? MUST.
Hubby : But why leh? Not enough ah?
Me : Enough... but i want to go holiday since we ONLY go ONCE yearly.
Hubby : Orh. Ok lor. After holiday cannot already hor.
Me : Yay! Of course!

I'm glad my hubby is unlike certain posters in this thread, where mine is mine & his is his. (allowance)
If he were to be so calculative, why even consider getting married in the first place? Doesn't make sense to complain after.

I'm also sorry to hear your wife doesn't contribute at all.. why doesn't she? Strange. SELFISH of her.
You says she just sleeps at home & wait to wake up for food?
She doesn't do housework at all? Wow. Surprising to know..
She sounds pretty lazy & useless if not for the fact that she's working too..
Glad she's your ex. I hope you don't go through it again.

My case in point; communicate. Don't just give give give. ;)
 

newproject

Active Member
I completely agree.
The percentage of men who thinks every girl is out to cheat him money wise or his feelings should just stay out of marriages, or better still, relationships.

Why get yourself involved with a girl in the first place when you've been warned by your surrounding friends and then feel bitter & complain about it afterwards?
And they say women are confusing?
I rest my case.

Not every woman is like that yes and there are cases of woman who stand by their man even when the man lose everything.

but I am warning the man to be very very careful of who they choose to be with as many woman are really materialistic and a huge part of why they are with man is because the man is better off than her and provides materially. The moment this fails they get very unhappy and find excuses to have affairs or divorce.

There are couple of ways you can tell if a woman is in it more for the money than anything.

Asking for allowances when she is a full time working person is a red flag for me.

Constantly asking for gifts and/or upset the gift is not good enough is another red flag.

Constantly taking but not giving yet another..

Princess syndrome

Always supporting the woman side even if the woman is a self confessed cheater yet another red flag.

Red flags don't mean necessarily mean an issue but enough of them...





Of course
 

newproject

Active Member
Ok, now that is PLAIN GREED.


Maybe i might be the only simple minded one here but whenever i request hubby for an increase in savings, i ALWAYS let him know why.
I don't see why i should hide why i'm saving up.
I know he has savings of his own & i NEVER touch nor request his, regardless the situation. (I don't even ask how much he earns as it's his privacy.)
Hence, my insistence that he gives me allowance, even if it is a small amount.

We see in this thread even many woman disagree with you on getting an allowance.

But I really don't get why you want an allowance even if "small amount" say $10.

What's the reason you want it? Symbolic? Makes you feel loved to get $10 a month. Is really weird to me

I'm glad my hubby is unlike certain posters in this thread, where mine is mine & his is his. (allowance)
If he were to be so calculative, why even consider getting married in the first place? Doesn't make sense to complain after.

There's a huge fallacy in your thinking. Not giving an allowance doesn't mean being calculative or yours is yours mine is mine mindset.

There are generally 3 ways to do finances in a marriage.

One pot, two pot, three pot.

In one pot you both pool all your saving together into one pot. Etc

Your system sounds like a two pot system. As in you both have seperate accounts. Not sure how you divide expenses, could be proportioned by salary while a poster here indicates the HTB pays most of it.

Three pot would have a joint account while keeping individual to pay expenses.

Notice neither of the systems require the guy to give an allowance and yet we are far away from the yours is yours and mine is mine myth you pushing which only happens if we have a straight 50% split on joint expenses and individual expenses are paid solely.

Eg The guy pays 90% of expenses the girl only 10% no allowance given.. How is this yours is yours mine is mine?

Which makes me wonder why some girls die die want an allowance even if is "small" amount.
 

newproject

Active Member
I do agree with this statement. The fact is no one is helping the men. There is one organisation for women but none for men. Even when more and more men are becoming the victim in a marriage, no one can help them. It's just sad though that this is what is happening in the society now. Imagine 50 years ago, women don't insult men and they follow the men wherever they go. Nowadays, it is the other way round.

Truth is a lot of man are wising up to this that's why they either don't get married or find wives from countries who still have traditional mindsets.

Many woman today are a mess. They are told they are strong independent woman who are equal to any man. They don't need anyone go buy material goods for them!

Yet they expect guys to pay for most if not everything, give allowances etc. They also happily take advantage of the law that they know is heavily biased to their side.

And yet they think they are equal or superior to their husbands and want to be dominant. Lol.
 

foolishguy

New Member
Sadly, I think newproject really hit some valid points.... at the end of the day. It's really money that rules.... if the guy have money. There will be no problems...

I am not saying all sg girls are like that.. there are some really good ones out there... maybe I just don't have the fate to meet them.

Alot of girls don't want to live with in-laws, what if it's the other way round? That the girl's parents that need someone to take care of them?... more likely the guy will have no problem taking them in and housing them.

Even when my wife wants to try to reconcile with me, she is telling me not to ask my parents to move in... I really give up on her. Karma will have a funny way to let you see what you have done... by the time when we are old and sick and you see your children refusing to take care of you, how would you feel?
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Not bias, but i think he really hit the jackpot. I been tru 6 rs in the past 7 yrs. All of the rs, either they two timed me or they just dun love me.
Like i said in my past posts, I did all the right things. I nv cheat, lie or have bad habits like gambling. Perhaps I am just down to earth or maybe boring guy.
I did sweet surprises for them, spent alot. End of the day, they still dun feel happy or satisfied, and left me.

These days, gers do not even know what they wants. My most recent breakup, my gf told me she do not know how to love anymore. She just want attentions from different guys and do not want to commit in our rs now. All these are just excuses.
Our gers in sg have very serious princess symptoms.
 

newproject

Active Member
Not bias, but i think he really hit the jackpot.
foolishguy said:
Sadly, I think newproject really hit some valid points . at the end of the day. It's really money that rules.... if the guy have money. There will be no problems...

Dear brothers, it's hard for many woman to understand the points I am making and I don't blame them. I assume this being a wedding based forum, a lot of them are perfectly happy *now* (after all they accepted the guys proposal which implies the guy is currently meeting their standards including material/wealth levels) and they don't want to hear about negative things while planning their wedding .

Perfectly understandable

Of course they will argue not all woman are like that ( i agree, even if 99% are like that, is not ALL - 99% is made up figure), but it's amazing when I go through this forum and I see almost as many guys posting sob stories as there are woman doing so, given

(1) This forum is dominated by a lot females
(2) Guys tend not to want to post such things even anonymously as woman

It's weak evidence, but it seems nowadays as many guys as girls are victims.

Infernolord, your issue is a bit different from foolishguy or sadguy as in you are victim of SG girls who think they are god's gift to the world and just party and have a long string of bfs in their 20s and even early 30s.

Many of such girls will wait until they are in 30s even late 30s and start panicking to find a guy to get married.

By then, the really capable and outstanding guys are already taken and/or have better options and they are forced to "settle" for a guy (ie doesn't earn as much as they hoped he would and don't provide the type of lifestyle they want) and they become very unhappy, and the best case scenario is settle into a unhappy marriage The worse case scenarios we see on this forum with affairs and what not.

There is a solution ... PM me....
 

meiji5

Member
(1) This forum is dominated by a lot females
(2) Guys tend not to want to post such things even anonymously as woman

It's weak evidence, but it seems nowadays as many guys as girls are victims.

I suppose that some of us prefer not to openly write about our issues as compared to others bah.

It is definitely being noticed that women are catching up to men in this era, whether it be at work, salary etc. And there are just as many guys being victims now, I personally know a lot of male friends whom get ditched by the girl or left to stand alone in the marriage and they have no choice but to resort to divorce.

Not every marriage is a cosy one. Some of us are lucky to have a really good one and the other bunch of us have to go through hardships. The only thing I can add is to just listen with open ears, don't judge on others situations as it is their matter to handle. We can only be supportive with listening ears. Just my 2 cents worth.
 

Pygirl89

Member
I think it starts to off the topic ..the topic is that his wife is cheating ..y end up all of yours are talking about girls been materialistic?

Anyways ..once cheated ..the trust will no longer be there ..end up you will always suspect her and if it continue ..end up U will be very tired . I"m not encouraging to divorce . This is just my personal feeling. Good luck and hope U are able to find Ur happiness :)
 

newproject

Active Member
I think it starts to off the topic ..the topic is that his wife is cheating ..y end up all of yours are talking about girls been materialistic?

If you even borther to read the orginal poster you can see the girl is materialistic which led to cheating.

* demand 6k bag husband can't afford
* issues about allowance such that the wife's lover flaunt 1k allowance

Etc. The guys in this forum who got cheated on in the past compare notes and realise they have similar stories...
 

Alishaku

New Member
No guys are perfect. Similarly no girls are perfect. It's always unfair to generalize any gender or any country's girls.

If the girl is indeed materialistic, I'm sure that there could be signs before the wedding, and it's the guy's Decision to make. I believe a marriage is fair and square, everyone enters into a marriage on their own accord and no one should blame anyone for anything to happen in the marriage.

In the original post, I feel sorry for the guy. And trust once broken is hard to get back. Therefore think carefully before you make the next important decision in your life.
 

kentlim26

New Member
i read some article says it takes up two imperfect to comes together as long both can understand each other, love each other as one body.
 

newproject

Active Member
No guys are perfect. Similarly no girls are perfect. It's always unfair to generalize any gender or any country's girls.

If the girl is indeed materialistic, I'm sure that there could be signs before the wedding, and it's the guy's Decision to make. I believe a marriage is fair and square, everyone enters into a marriage on their own accord and no one should blame anyone for anything to happen in the marriage.

Agreed the guys can only blame themselves as they were not wise enough to pick such partners.

Same if it's the guy cheats. The girl should have seen it coming. Though with guys it seldom due to things like the wife not proving enough money.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
. Some of us are lucky to have a really good one and the other bunch of us have to go through hardships.
hi meiji,
Life is a long walk, don't decide so early if its lucky or curse. Very few will go through life without learning their lessons, some learn it really early on while other go through so many cycles before awakening. Relationship and marriage is just one aspect. So many things affect and influence us, nothing is certain.​

Now, speaking in general, reading many exchanges,
in any discussion in any open forum, opinions will differ. There are gender traits and norms, the awareness of them are impt but not to a level of bashing a gender, something commonly seen, the examples and traits are true to some extend, however, its pointless for like minded folks to collectively convince themselves on who is the 'victim'.​

What we agree now, we might not in future, our unique experiences will continue to mould us. Exchanges can be constructive or personal. Much of it depends on the individual. There are general limits that shouldn't be crossed, beyond that, there is no yardstick. Many interesting points were brought up, just how honest are we to acknowledge. Its a discussion not a fight folks. Chill.​

Long weekend to all.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
No guys are perfect. Similarly no girls are perfect. It's always unfair to generalize any gender or any country's girls.

If the girl is indeed materialistic, I'm sure that there could be signs before the wedding, and it's the guy's Decision to make. I believe a marriage is fair and square, everyone enters into a marriage on their own accord and no one should blame anyone for anything to happen in the marriage.

In the original post, I feel sorry for the guy. And trust once broken is hard to get back. Therefore think carefully before you make the next important decision in your life.

was in this phase that I lost faith on local ladies too, that the good ones are too rare or already taken.
when we look back, its just a phase, where our views were more baised, our context influence us more than we are willing to acknowledge. There are many unrealistic dreams, we just crossed paths with them while the dream is still on, most will eventually wake up from it while some will never till their death.

Who is right? Does it matter? Just reflect on the walk, what have you guys been through and are you cherishing each other even more. Are you really happy.
 

meiji5

Member
hi meiji,
Life is a long walk, don't decide so early if its lucky or curse. Very few will go through life without learning their lessons, some learn it really early on while other go through so many cycles before awakening. Relationship and marriage is just one aspect. So many things affect and influence us, nothing is certain.​

Hi miloice,
Thank you for the advice. I was generally speaking that people get to experience different aspects of a relationship/marriage; good, bad or even both. Not too sure how that may have been deduced to deciding if it's a curse or luck. Either way, I see my life in a positive way even if I have experienced certain hardships. Thus, I do agree that our opinions would differ because it is influenced by our traits of experience, and that depends on if you want to be bitter or acceptive of it.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Hi miloice,
Thank you for the advice. I was generally speaking that people get to experience different aspects of a relationship/marriage; good, bad or even both. Not too sure how that may have been deduced to deciding if it's a curse or luck. Either way, I see my life in a positive way even if I have experienced certain hardships. Thus, I do agree that our opinions would differ because it is influenced by our traits of experience, and that depends on if you want to be bitter or acceptive of it.
Just voicing my own view. Cheers.
 

newproject

Active Member
was in this phase that I lost faith on local ladies too, that the good ones are too rare or already taken.
when we look back, its just a phase, where our views were more baised, our context influence us more than we are willing to acknowledge. There are many unrealistic dreams, we just crossed paths with them while the dream is still on, most will eventually wake up from it while some will never till their death.

Who is right? Does it matter? Just reflect on the walk, what have you guys been through and are you cherishing each other even more. Are you really happy.

No offence miloice but this is a wall of text that says nothing.

So in the end did you find a nice local woman?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Define nice. What is local. She is born and lived all her life here but not singaporean. It didnt matter at all anyway. Whats impt is i found what i want, someone i would die for and at the time time she supportive towards me through all the difficult times life gave us. 12 years in marriage. 2nd kid is 10 months old. Going thr the cycle again but enjoying every bit of it. Keep searching and reflecting. When the right one comes, there is no holding back.
 

newproject

Active Member
Define nice. What is local. She is born and lived all her life here but not singaporean. It didnt matter at all anyway. Whats impt is i found what i want, someone i would die for and at the time time she supportive towards me through all the difficult times life gave us. 12 years in marriage. 2nd kid is 10 months old. Going thr the cycle again but enjoying every bit of it. Keep searching and reflecting. When the right one comes, there is no holding back.

So answer is yes.

No need be so philosophical and long winded.

"found what I want, someone I would die for " = nice

" lived all her life here" = local
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
So answer is yes.

No need be so philosophical and long winded.

"found what I want, someone I would die for " = nice

" lived all her life here" = local

She isnt singaporean and by many online haters terms a foreigner
 
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Staypositive

Active Member
Adultery is always painful and hard for the victims.demanding girls which the guy has to Always meet their expectations is a definite no no.its better for the guy to move on and find someone else better.no point taking revenge.What goes around comes around.the guy who claimed to be able to satisfy the girl needs Can do the same for the Other Girl if he is tired of the current girl.There are still nice girls around,if you look in the correct direction.
 
Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....
No choice. She already decided your marriage is over after she starting dating the other guy .. sorry to say that ... & you are working so hard for the future & she did nothing & want a branded bag as well.. sorry to say this but she will eventually get what she deserves for treating you this way ..
 

KopiO666

New Member
Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....


Omg sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Frankly, u mention after you confronted her she went out with her bf. That is already enough said leow. Comon, save some pride for yourself. Move on. Your deserve a much better partner.
 

foolishguy

New Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.
 

newproject

Active Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.

Thanks for check-in.

Sorry you are still having a hard time. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

But I will be blunt. 5 months in you are still very much at the beginning of the transformation.

Keep at it! I am rooting for you.
 

foolishguy

New Member
Thanks for check-in.

Sorry you are still having a hard time. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

But I will be blunt. 5 months in you are still very much at the beginning of the transformation.

Keep at it! I am rooting for you.

Thanks for the encouragement bro...
 

meiji5

Member
Thanks for the encouragement bro...

Keep up your spirit. It will be a tough phase, but one day you will feel the load be lifted and that's when you know you will be much better. Maybe that's the time when you finally let it all go. It is relieving!

One advice is never to think what you did wrong. There are many factors but blaming yourself won't help. Jia you!
 

wluyan

Member
hey silly. stay strong. i had been there and i really know how you feel, what you went thru and what you are going through. it still hurts when the memories come around. hang on there. see, im still alive. :)
 

Linus84

New Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.


I'm sorry to know what has happened to you.
I believed your top priority now will be your family.

I totally understand what you mean on how life can suddenly be in chaos. But things will get better and you just have to solve issue by issue and definitely it take time.

But stay strong bro you are the pillar of your family. But at the same time remember not to keep everything to yourself.

Take care
 

Infernolord

Active Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.

Your case is very similar to my buddy, I feel you.

My buddy gave up so much for his wife. His wife was the one demand a marriage to feel secured.. Ask for grand marriage, expensive hotel dinner and best of everything.. He gave and hope that she appreciate him.
Within a year of marriage, she started her quarrel again, demand more and even despised my buddy for not earning much and she hv to go out to work. (He is earning 8-9k) Eventually my buddy found out her affair with her colleague. Even she was "married" statue.. she gave birth to her lover child recently.
He fell very sick after that and had a car accident. Lost his new hse which he gave in and sell it to his wife and her lover.
Only fortunate thing is that because she had someone else child, he do not have to pay alimony. (In his case, adultery is pretty clear)
 
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.
I have the same problem with you after my divorce. Even after 3 years, there are still lingering sadness off and on. Not so bad now but occasionally, I still cry in my bed. Yes, one really have to be careful who he marries and any wrong decision can thwart your life completely...:(

Same like you, I lost the house but worse, there are physical scars that my ex-wife inflicted on me when she is angry. Fortunately, my parents are still with me. I also want to have a complete family one of these days but I dare not dream so much as my previous bad experience makes me scare of marriage. Never know a signature on the paper can inflict so much pain in the future.
 

meiji5

Member
to foolishguy and verysadguy, jiayou!

i don't know why but i don't have any lingering sadness, maybe because i have managed to let it all go. i am a few months away to starting my divorce proceedings. hope it all goes smoothly and i can finally move out of the marital home once it is sold off. then everything will be a clean slate. i still have hope that i will find the right partner, if not the right partner at least a better one than the last.

keep striving forward!
 

Eunice Lyeeunkok

New Member
Sorry to hear what happen to you, but don't be sad and move on. Don't waste your life on a woman like her, the're are so many out there that deserve your love. Enjoy your life you're still young you can find someone who you can spend the rest of your happy life. Anyway wish you all the best bro.
 

KopiO666

New Member
Your case is very similar to my buddy, I feel you.

My buddy gave up so much for his wife. His wife was the one demand a marriage to feel secured.. Ask for grand marriage, expensive hotel dinner and best of everything.. He gave and hope that she appreciate him.
Within a year of marriage, she started her quarrel again, demand more and even despised my buddy for not earning much and she hv to go out to work. (He is earning 8-9k) Eventually my buddy found out her affair with her colleague. Even she was "married" statue.. she gave birth to her lover child recently.
He fell very sick after that and had a car accident. Lost his new hse which he gave in and sell it to his wife and her lover.
Only fortunate thing is that because she had someone else child, he do not have to pay alimony. (In his case, adultery is pretty clear)


Omfg . I pity your friend. It must have been a really sucky journey for him. What a f bitch like seriously. But then again, everything happens for a reason. :)
 

newproject

Active Member
Omfg . I pity your friend. It must have been a really sucky journey for him. What a f bitch like seriously.

Hmm not that i'm condoning cheating but who are we to judge?

We don't know what is really happening to their marriage. It takes two hands to clap.

What the husband character and behavior is like, we don't really know.

Who knows,the husband might be cheating on her behind her back.

:) :)
 

Staypositive

Active Member
No choice. She already decided your marriage is over after she starting dating the other guy .. sorry to say that ... & you are working so hard for the future & she did nothing & want a branded bag as well.. sorry to say this but she will eventually get what she deserves for treating you this way ..


What goes around comes around. Time will heal all wounds.
 

JENNIFER LI

New Member
Foolish guy: Hope u will brace yourself up. Don't give up hope!
Another one door closes, another will be open for u.
Pray u will find a girl who treats u right & appreciate who ur.....8)
 

Jeremy1979

New Member
Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for almost 5 years, she have cheated on me for almost 1 year...I've only found out 1 month back.

I am totally devastated, guess I really need to write my thoughts out to feel better...

All these years, I have never probe into her private life, when she wanted to go clubbing/ girls night out . I have always given her green light to hang out with her friends...but few months back, I noticed that she've kept me hidden from her facebook, less and less sex and generally started to change..I am not proud of this, but one night I saw her ipad and manage to log into her fb messenger account...inside are all of her dirty sex talks with her bf, she have even met the guy's parents before...I am totally heartbroken..the woman that I swore to take care of forever has given me a pain that I have never felt before...I cried like a kid on that night.

I am now staying alone in the new 5rm bto that we have bought, I paid almost 60k for everything including reno and furniture, I even took a loan of 24k and still paying on my own...she did not contribute a single cent...

When i confronted her, she said we have problems all along, she dont want to stay with in-laws, I never gave her allowance, she wanted a chanel boy that cost almost 6k this year, I told her I cannot afford it...I am crushed..I have never felt any lower in my life than before....is this what marriage is about? Life is a joke....

I am so sorry to hear that. I can feel you as I have gone through this $hit before.
At the end of the day, you yourself is the one who need to make the decision. do you think you can still trust her after this? Forgiving someone is a very hard thing to do especially those who is close to you. I personally can forgive my worst enemy easier than the people closest to me. Your enemy won't betray you but only those people who is close to you. Trust is very important in a relationship so if you think you can no longer trust, just let go...

There must be a give and take in a relationship...it won't work if it's only a one way traffic! When that happens, you will be frustrated and your wife starts take you for granted. I know it is hard but you need to speak openly with her...and if you decided to forgive her, ask her what are the things that both of you needed to do or change in order to make sure such thing never happen again. If you decided to move on, speak to her nicely and just move on. Sometimes it is a blessing in disguise. You are lucky that you do not have kid. Don't blame yourself for error of others. Sorry for the grammar and brevity as on mobile. All the best!
 

Jeremy1979

New Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.

Sorry, didnt see your update. Time will heal...and you have other things to focus on. You will find someone better...you are a good man.
 

cinnamoroll26

New Member
Hi, sorry to hear what had happened to you. It is a good decision to divorce. It is very important to see carefully before commiting to a marriage. It is sad that some people treat marriage lightly. I have a materialistic friend who is married. She wears high-end branded stuff from top to toe. She likes to show off. But her husband is not into branded stuff. He looks very decent and down-to-earth. I also don't know why the guy married her. My friend is very materialistic all along. Recently, my friend grumbled her husband doesn't give her presents and said she has a suitor now. She is receiving gifts from her suitor and brought them home. I don't know what will happen in future. But I want to say the signs are there before marriage. Open your eyes.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
After 5 months on...I feeling slightly better...Nowadays, I focus on my career and personal fitness losing more than 10kgs in the process.

Emotionally, it's still tough on me. There are no emotional free passes for men. I only open up to my mum when I am feeling bouts of mini depression. Friends thought I have already gotten over it.

My ex wife did came home on and off and started to lock one of the rooms bringing all the stuff that she once bought and locking it in the common bedroom (vaccum cleaner, rice cooker, air fryer, kitchen scissors and misc small items). It broke my heart seeing her becoming like this...I didn't ask her back for any of the things that I gave to her. I did not spoke to her whenever she came back. I am becoming jaded from all these episodes.

As if things weren't bad enough, my dad was diagnosed with cancer last month and was bedridden since. Life really has a funny way to wreck havoc on my once peaceful life.

All these have shaped me to be a stronger person...I still dreamt of having my own complete family. But it will be another few more years before I can move on after the separation and divorce proceedings.

I stand to lose the very house that I strive so hard to build up having thrown my life savings into it. (Ex wife is demanding market value of the profit which I might not have enough cash to give her).

Be very careful of who you commit to. That's the advise I telling you guys..one wrong decision can leave you stuck in limbo for many years.

Pardon my typing as I am using handphone to post my reply.

Exercise is indeed a good way to distract and keep you going positively. If you are keen to discuss about fitness, maybe start another thread on the topic, will be glad to exchange training tips, bro science etc.

I am very sorry about your father's condition. Cancer is indeed a difficult disease. Its more common that we think. Almost every family is suffering from this. It is a very painful but inevitable path for us. Focus on what's around you, appreciate the time he has with you. My father left too suddenly, no time to even say goodbye. Take care brother.
 

foolishguy

New Member
Thanks for all the kind advise...the last place I imagine getting comfort is from an online forum... especially for guys..the stigma of dealing with loneliness, self-worth and depression is very real. Not many guy friends will want to talk about relationship problems and most will suggest drinking which i personally hate.

The day when I posted my story..there was quite a few PM's from members actually checking if I'm doing ok and giving words of encouragement...one even gave me his handphone no. to contact him if I needed advise...truly touched by all these little actions...might be a small gesture on your part but I really felt much better. Only those who have personally gone through a divorce will know how devastating it is.

On choosing the correct partner before marriage is easy to say but how many are with the perfect one? My mindset is always to accept whatever flaws my partner have once I am committed. But it's only wishful thinking on my side. It really takes massive effort to substain a marriage nowadays given the amount of temptation and the blurring of gender roles.

Life is but fleeting and only last a few decades...I have learnt to take it easy and move forward.

One last advice for all those who failed in relationship is never to be jaded about life, it will rob you of every onuce of future happiness. I nearly did fall into the dark side.. luckily my mum was with me and talked me through endless conversations.
 

life_is

Active Member
Thanks for all the kind advise...the last place I imagine getting comfort is from an online forum... especially for guys..the stigma of dealing with loneliness, self-worth and depression is very real. Not many guy friends will want to talk about relationship problems and most will suggest drinking which i personally hate.

The day when I posted my story..there was quite a few PM's from members actually checking if I'm doing ok and giving words of encouragement...one even gave me his handphone no. to contact him if I needed advise...truly touched by all these little actions...might be a small gesture on your part but I really felt much better. Only those who have personally gone through a divorce will know how devastating it is.

On choosing the correct partner before marriage is easy to say but how many are with the perfect one? My mindset is always to accept whatever flaws my partner have once I am committed. But it's only wishful thinking on my side. It really takes massive effort to substain a marriage nowadays given the amount of temptation and the blurring of gender roles.

Life is but fleeting and only last a few decades...I have learnt to take it easy and move forward.

One last advice for all those who failed in relationship is never to be jaded about life, it will rob you of every onuce of future happiness. I nearly did fall into the dark side.. luckily my mum was with me and talked me through endless conversations.

Had hell from signing with the devil family. They scammed a 6 figure sum from me and did a lot of evil. Now all I can do is pray they suffer hell all the way. These people still won't stop giving problems even after making such huge profits from scamming.

Move on bro. I have seen enough men who tell me how women scam the system. It's not our parents generation where such things don't happen as often. Best is to avoid marriage in future and focus on getting rich. Can always have casual relationships because the potential losses are much lower. Those who believe in marriage get burnt, men especially. Seen how people lost everything and suffered in old age. Unless you can find someone who dare to swear on their life in a place of worship not to do any funny business, best not to trust.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Your case is very similar to my buddy, I feel you.

My buddy gave up so much for his wife. His wife was the one demand a marriage to feel secured.. Ask for grand marriage, expensive hotel dinner and best of everything.. He gave and hope that she appreciate him.
Within a year of marriage, she started her quarrel again, demand more and even despised my buddy for not earning much and she hv to go out to work. (He is earning 8-9k) Eventually my buddy found out her affair with her colleague. Even she was "married" statue.. she gave birth to her lover child recently.
He fell very sick after that and had a car accident. Lost his new hse which he gave in and sell it to his wife and her lover.
Only fortunate thing is that because she had someone else child, he do not have to pay alimony. (In his case, adultery is pretty clear)

Just a update from here... my buddy finally divorced. He is very nice toward his ex wife. His ex wife asked her to transfer his name for their new flat to her new lover.. My buddy agrees in exchange for all the jewelry that his wife received from his parents for dowry. All legally binded. Once my buddy lawyer received the jewellry, his name transferred to ex wife lover name. (Ex wife buys from my buddy his half but not based on MARKET RATE, based on the inital BTO price )

Guess what.. the jewellry received all scratched and bend. She also return the wedding ring which cost about 12k but she throw away the certification.
Sad to see why sg gers can turn out to be this mean and evil.. My buddy was so nice.. and she the one that cheat on him! **angry**
 


life_is

Active Member
Just a update from here... my buddy finally divorced. He is very nice toward his ex wife. His ex wife asked her to transfer his name for their new flat to her new lover.. My buddy agrees in exchange for all the jewelry that his wife received from his parents for dowry. All legally binded. Once my buddy lawyer received the jewellry, his name transferred to ex wife lover name. (Ex wife buys from my buddy his half but not based on MARKET RATE, based on the inital BTO price )

Guess what.. the jewellry received all scratched and bend. She also return the wedding ring which cost about 12k but she throw away the certification.
Sad to see why sg gers can turn out to be this mean and evil.. My buddy was so nice.. and she the one that cheat on him! **angry**

Maybe your buddy's wife is so horrible that he couldn't wait to get rid of her and get her to marry someone else? That would be freedom for him as he won't have to pay her maintenance.
 

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