{"id":9672,"date":"2014-03-17T09:05:27","date_gmt":"2014-03-17T01:05:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=9672"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:26:21","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:26:21","slug":"8-donts-in-any-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2014\/03\/8-donts-in-any-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Don&#8217;ts In Any Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>There are some habits and behaviour that can be toxic to a healthy relationship. Fu Jinming lists eight things we shouldn\u2019t be doing with or to our other halves.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">I<\/b>t takes two to tango. But when it comes to your marriage, it only takes one to turn that dance into a fire-walking exercise. Especially if you persist in bringing bad relationship habits into your little waltz.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>Of course, the onus doesn\u2019t just lie with you. Your partner has as much responsibility to avoid behaviours and attitudes that will harm the union you have both worked so hard to build. But as with all good partnerships, you\u2019d have to put a foot forth first, before the other can follow. And as gallantry would dictate, the gentleman always makes the first step.<\/p><p>To help you on your way, here are eight toxic relationship habits you\u2019d do well to fix now:<\/p><p><b><b>1. Don\u2019t keep score<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Hokkaido-pre-wedding-photography-30.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2017\/05\/hokkaido-pre-wedding-photography-clara-tim\/\">Clara and Tim\u2019s Ethereal Hokkaido Pre-Wedding Photography Session<\/a><\/i><p>Remember when your siblings used to throw your past mistakes in your face during an argument? Remember how that made you feel?<\/p><p>Now remember that the next time you\u2019re tempted to use your partner\u2019s past wrongdoings to justify your moral high ground. Not only are you not dealing with the issue at hand, you\u2019re trying to guilt her into feeling wrong over something that has very little to do with the present. That\u2019s low. And pointless.<\/p><p>Unless it is related to your current situation, don\u2019t bring up the past. By choosing to be with her, you\u2019ve chosen to be with her past, present, and future \u2013 warts and all. So deal with the problem in the present tense.<\/p><p><b><b>2. Don\u2019t be passive-aggressive<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/Captivating-Perth-Pre-Wedding-21.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2016\/09\/perth-pre-wedding-trouve-chelsea-jason\/\">Weddings in Pictures: Chelsea and Jason\u2019s Captivating Pre-Wedding Adventure in Perth<\/a><\/i><p>If you have to sulk, pout, or find petty little ways \u2013 like the silent treatment \u2013 to hint at your displeasure with your significant other, the two of you are obviously not comfortable communicating openly with each other.<\/p><p>Finding ways to press your partner\u2019s wrong buttons to make your point is not only unhelpful, it\u2019s juvenile. Be a man. State what you\u2019re unhappy about and why, calmly and clearly. She may not agree with you, but you\u2019d at least have shown your maturity; it shows your desire to discuss the problem like an adult, not a petulant child.<\/p><p><b><b>3. Don\u2019t threaten the relationship<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/pre-wedding-photography-melbourne41.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2017\/08\/pre-wedding-shoot-in-melbourne-grace-dominic\/\">Grace and Dominic\u2019s Pre-Wedding Shoot in Melbourne with Magical Light<\/a><\/i><p>More specifically, don\u2019t turn every little argument, complaint or criticism into a reason to question your partner\u2019s commitment to the relationship. It\u2019s the kind of emotional blackmail that creates unnecessary drama.<\/p><p>And ironically, in questioning her commitment, you put yours into question. For how lightly you must take your relationship to dangle it over the sharks every time a perceived crisis occurs.<\/p><p>It is important for both of you to feel safe enough to communicate your displeasures to each other without having to feel that you\u2019re putting your relationship under threat. That calls for a stay of judgement, an understanding ear, and above all, a rational mind.<\/p><p><b><b>4. Don\u2019t take it out on your partner<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/prewedding-shoot-coney-island-singapore-27.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2017\/03\/casual-pre-wedding-shoot-on-coney-island-huiyi-john\/\">Hui Yi and John\u2019s Casual Pre Wedding Shoot on Coney Island<\/a><\/i><p>We all have days when anything that can go wrong, does. That doesn\u2019t make it OK to take it out on your other half. When you\u2019re tired and emotionally wrung-out at work, it\u2019s easy to expect the person closest to you to be sensitive about how you\u2019re feeling. And to take it upon herself to make you feel better. When she doesn\u2019t, you get upset.<\/p><p>Let\u2019s get something straight: your partner is not wholly responsible for how you feel. You are. Blaming her for your emotional state is selfish and unfair. Being supportive is not the same as being obligated to your every whim and fancy. If you\u2019re upset about something and think you need some support from your companion, tell her so.<\/p><p>But don\u2019t expect her to just suddenly drop all her plans for you. There\u2019s a difference between needing a supportive shoulder, and being a needy crybaby.<\/p><p><b><b>5. Don\u2019t try to improve her<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Tansey-and-Phil\u2019s-Breath-Taking-Pre-Wedding-Adventure-in-Kuala-Lumpur-20.jpg\" alt=\"bride and groom portrait\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2016\/09\/breath-taking-kuala-lumpur-pre-wedding-shoot-tansey-phil\/\">Tansey and Phil\u2019s Breath-Taking Pre-Wedding Adventure in Kuala Lumpur<\/a><\/i><p>There\u2019s no such thing as a perfect person, so don\u2019t try to turn your significant other into one. That means not inflicting your unrealistic expectations onto her. It\u2019s one thing to ask her to change the brand of her toothpaste, quite another to get her to change her personality. Like switching from being an introvert to an extrovert, for instance.<\/p><p>Picking on her perceived character flaws doesn\u2019t make her a better person. It makes you an overly concerned partner at best, and a presumptuous, self-righteous jerk at worst. Apart from the obvious disrespect you\u2019re showing her, you\u2019re ignoring the reasons for why she is the way she is. Worse, it suggests that you\u2019re unsatisfied and unhappy with her and who she is.<\/p><p>So quit trying to \u2018improve\u2019 her, even with the best intentions. She accepted you for all your imperfections. Return the favour, for goodness\u2019 sake.<\/p><p><b><b>6. Don\u2019t be excessively jealous<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Prewedding-photography-in-Morocco-by-AndroidsinBoots-37.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2016\/03\/pre-wedding-photoshoot-in-morrocco\/\">Sophia and Darren\u2019s Breathtaking Pre-Wedding Photoshoot in Morocco<\/a><\/i><p>While a little jealousy is normal \u2013 and can even be adorable sometimes \u2013 getting constantly obsessed about whom your partner calls, texts, talks to or hangs out with can turn you into a controlling, mistrusting, overbearing psycho. Think Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver. Before long, you\u2019ll be checking her phone messages, tracking her emails, and following her to her yoga class \u2013 or worse, to the mall.<\/p><p>You may consider your jealousy a form of affection. But it\u2019s behaviour that shows you up for who you are \u2013 a small, insecure man.<\/p><p>And if you can\u2019t trust her to be around other men, it implies that you believe her to either be a liar, or someone who easily has her head turned. It\u2019s demeaning, and destructive. So rein yourself in and curb your suspicions.<\/p><p><b><b>7. Don\u2019t blame her family<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Si-Ling-and-Davids-Modern-Peranakan-Wedding-at-EMPRESS-30.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2017\/09\/empress-peranakan-wedding-studiokel-photography-si-ling-david\/\">Si Ling and David\u2019s Modern Peranakan Wedding at EMPRESS<\/a><\/i><p>When the argument heats up, it\u2019s easy to drag both your families through the dirt and into the fight. But blaming her family \u2013 or anyone else\u2019s for that matter \u2013 rarely solves the issue. If anything, it heightens the hostility, and makes for a tensed affair at your next family dinner.<\/p><p>Where possible, focus on resolving the issue, not on her family\u2019s alleged involvement in it. Criticising her family, even if they are the cause of your conflict, just serves to worsen the disagreement. After all, her family is now yours too. So tread lightly. Solve the problem. Then move on.<\/p><p><b><b>8. Don\u2019t buy your way out<\/b><\/b><\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Sherlyn-Chan-Bali-Pre-Wedding-with-Z-Wedding-Dsign-47.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2015\/12\/sherlyn-and-deyao-bali-pre-wedding-shoot-with-z-wedding-dsign\/\">Sherlyn and Deyao\u2019s Bali Pre-Wedding Shoot With Z Wedding D\u2019sign<\/a><\/i><p>Here\u2019s every guy\u2019s magic bullet to resolving any major relationship conflict: buy something nice and all will be forgiven.<\/p><p>Covering up your problems with material superficialities is hardly a long-term solution. The crisis may have temporarily been swept under the rug, but the underlying issues will still remain. Even with the deepest pockets, buying your way out of trouble doesn\u2019t make you accountable for your actions. And it usually results in an increasingly bitter woman who is tired of being unheard.<\/p><p>While there\u2019s nothing wrong in buying or doing something nice to make up after a fight, you should never use it as a way to avoid dealing with the problem. So rather than reaching for the wallet, you should learn to deal with the argument the old-fashioned way \u2013 by sitting down and talking about it.<\/p><hr\/><p><i>Credits: Feature Image from <a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2017\/05\/hokkaido-pre-wedding-photography-clara-tim\/\">Clara and Tim\u2019s Ethereal Hokkaido Pre-Wedding Photography Session<\/a>.<\/i><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are some habits and behaviour that can be toxic to a healthy relationship. Fu Jinming lists eight things we shouldn\u2019t be doing with or to our other halves.It takes&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":49011,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9672","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-the-groom-room"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>8 Don&#039;ts In Any Relationship - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2014\/03\/8-donts-in-any-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"8 Don&#039;ts In Any Relationship - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are some habits and behaviour that can be toxic to a healthy relationship. 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