{"id":64088,"date":"2019-05-27T09:04:50","date_gmt":"2019-05-27T01:04:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=64088"},"modified":"2021-05-11T14:13:34","modified_gmt":"2021-05-11T06:13:34","slug":"successful-couples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/","title":{"rendered":"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">H<\/b>ow can you ensure your marriage is as full of romance and passion as the day you entered it? By buying your husband an expensive watch on your anniversary, whisking your wife away to the Maldives for a surprise vacation, or always sending her flowers and chocolates on her birthdays?<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>When we think of passionate relationships, we often think of big, romantic gestures and expensive presents. While we certainly should make the effort to celebrate our partners, relationship experts have found that it\u2019s not the huge declarations of love that create the happiest marriages. Instead, it\u2019s the little moments of everyday life. Real-life romance is kept alive by letting your spouse know that you value him or her in the grind of daily life.<\/p><p>The psychologists at The Gottman Institute have studied married couples for more than 40 years, and they\u2019ve discovered two small but significant things successful couples do every day to stay happily married.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/st-regis-singapore-wedding-001.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/02\/st-regis-singapore-wedding-cara-andy\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Cara and Andy&#8217;s Ethereal, Blue-Hued Wedding at The St. Regis Singapore<\/a> by <a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/d\/antelope-studios\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Antelope Studios<\/a><\/i><p><b><b>1. Pay Attention<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>In a six-year study on newlyweds, Dr. John Gottman discovered the surprising difference between couples who stayed together and couples who divorced. It wasn\u2019t the depth of intimacy in their conversations, or even whether they agreed with each other. In his book <i>The Relationship Cure<\/i>, Gottman says, \u201cThe important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they\u2019re talking about or doing.\u201d <\/p><p>Gottman says that couples constantly reach out to each other to connect emotionally, but we often don\u2019t recognise such emotional bids for connection because we aren\u2019t paying attention. You don\u2019t see your partner pointing something out because you\u2019re looking at your phone. You forget to reply to her texts because you\u2019re busy at work. You ignore his playful hip bump when you\u2019re focused on doing the dishes. Yet, these are instances where your partner is reaching out to you.<\/p><p>Dating coach <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Logan Ury<\/a> says that such requests to connect are often purposely subtle \u201cbecause people are afraid to be vulnerable and put themselves out there\u201d. It\u2019s scary to say, \u201cConnect with me!\u201d so instead, we ask a question or reach out with a playful touch to invite connection.<\/p><p>Successful couples pay attention to these seemingly mundane little attempts to connect, and respond positively. Their attention creates a secure and loving relationship where their partners feel heard and understood. Psychotherapist <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/little-things-will-make-break-relationship\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Caroline Sweatt-Eldredge<\/a> tells us, \u201cPay attention to the small ways in which your partner reaches for you and attempts to connect; intentionally looking for ways to turn toward your partner will help you be more effective in connecting with them.\u201d<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Shannon-and-Jasons-Scenic-Destination-Pre-Wedding-Shoot-in-Perth-and-Rustic-Vineyard-Inspired-Wedding-at-Chijmes-40.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2018\/11\/shannon-and-jason\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Shan and Jason&#8217;s Scenic Destination Pre-Wedding Shoot in Perth and Rustic Vineyard-Inspired Wedding in Chijmes Hall Singapore<\/a> by Shannon Stent<\/i><p><b><b>2. Respond Positively <\/b><\/b><\/p><p>In the six-year newlywed study, Gottman observed that the couples who ended up divorced only responded to each other\u2019s attempts to connect 33% of the time, whereas the ones who stayed married responded positively to each other 86% of the time. When you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/an-introduction-to-emotional-bids-and-trust\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">respond positively<\/a> towards your partner\u2019s attempts to connect\u2014such as by putting away your phone during dinner and engaging in conversation, or asking them what&#8217;s wrong when they heave a big sigh\u2014you are telling him or her: \u201cI\u2019m interested in you. I understand you. I\u2019d like to help you. I\u2019d like to be with you.\u201d <\/p><p>Forming a habit of responding positively to your partner\u2019s attempts to connect will foster trust and security in your relationship. As <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/little-things-will-make-break-relationship\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Sweatt-Eldredge<\/a> says, \u201cEssentially, an emotional bid is a small way that we daily ask our partners, \u2018Are you here with me?\u2019 or, \u2018Do I matter to you?\u2019 By receiving a metaphorical \u2018Yes!\u2019 to these questions consistently throughout your relationship, you strengthen your trust and connection to each other. Every time you turn toward your partner in response to an emotional bid, you invest in the health and security of your relationship. This sense of security, of feeling truly able to know and be known by your partner, created by intentionally and consistently turning toward your partner, deepens your shared sense of intimacy and is correlated with increased marital satisfaction.\u201d Each time you respond positively in simple things such as engaging with your partner\u2019s comment about the food, or saying yes to a request for help, you are building up a shared sense of trust and happiness in your relationship.<\/p><p>When our partner ignores our bids for connection, we internalise the rejection. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Ury<\/a> says, \u201cOur brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticise our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument.\u201d Over time, if resentment and emotional disconnect are allowed to build, a couple could decide to break up.<\/p><p>These two things might seem insignificantly simple\u2014paying attention and responding positively. But as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/little-things-will-make-break-relationship\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Sweatt-Eldredge<\/a> tells us, \u201cIt\u2019s the small things done often that make the biggest difference in relationships.\u201d Let your partner know how much you value them not just on special occasions, but every day. Put down your phone. Share a raised eyebrow or a hand squeeze. Make eye contact when they ask you a question. Be there for them.  <\/p><hr \/><p><i>Credits: Feature image from <a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2018\/10\/bali-wedding-shoot-jillian-daniel\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Jillian and Daniel&#8217;s Gorgeous Bali Post-Wedding Shoot and Celebration<\/a> by Maria Shiriaeva<\/i><\/p> ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.How can you ensure your marriage is as full of romance and passion as the day&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":64092,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"Product","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-64088","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/SingaporeBrides\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-05-27T01:04:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-11T06:13:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"801\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Tansey Tang\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@singaporebrides\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@singaporebrides\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Tansey Tang\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/\",\"name\":\"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-05-27T01:04:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-11T06:13:34+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/0c37833520a1706d9c8b6dc9e2109fff\"},\"description\":\"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg\",\"width\":1200,\"height\":801},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/\",\"name\":\"SingaporeBrides\",\"description\":\"Articles\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/0c37833520a1706d9c8b6dc9e2109fff\",\"name\":\"Tansey Tang\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2f205b5f65200db5fe64325254ba59b0?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2f205b5f65200db5fe64325254ba59b0?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Tansey Tang\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/author\/tansey-tang\/\"},false]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides","description":"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides","og_description":"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.","og_url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/","og_site_name":"SingaporeBrides","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/SingaporeBrides\/","article_published_time":"2019-05-27T01:04:50+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-11T06:13:34+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1200,"height":801,"url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Tansey Tang","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@singaporebrides","twitter_site":"@singaporebrides","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Tansey Tang","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/","url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/","name":"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage - SingaporeBrides","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg","datePublished":"2019-05-27T01:04:50+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-11T06:13:34+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/0c37833520a1706d9c8b6dc9e2109fff"},"description":"Psychologists reveal two little things that successful couples do every day to stay happily married.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/DJ_postwedding_Bali_Kintamani-54.jpg","width":1200,"height":801},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2019\/05\/successful-couples\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"2 Little Things that Can Make or Break Your Marriage"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#website","url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/","name":"SingaporeBrides","description":"Articles","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/0c37833520a1706d9c8b6dc9e2109fff","name":"Tansey Tang","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2f205b5f65200db5fe64325254ba59b0?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2f205b5f65200db5fe64325254ba59b0?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Tansey Tang"},"url":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/author\/tansey-tang\/"},false]}},"yasr_visitor_votes":{"stars_attributes":{"read_only":false,"span_bottom":false},"number_of_votes":0,"sum_votes":0},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64088","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=64088"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64088\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":65884,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64088\/revisions\/65884"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/64092"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=64088"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=64088"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=64088"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}