{"id":6290,"date":"2013-04-24T09:06:34","date_gmt":"2013-04-24T01:06:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=6290"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:14:54","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:14:54","slug":"making-working-couples-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2013\/04\/making-working-couples-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Working Couples Work"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>How do we make a dual-career marriage work? Especially when the traditional roles of women as dutiful wives and men as breadwinners have turned on their heads. Fu Jinming explains how a man can \u2013 and should \u2013 adopt a more supportive role.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">T<\/b>hey used to say that behind every successful man is a great woman. These days, the opposite may well be as true. With more and more women entering the workforce at the turn of the 21st century, it is not uncommon to find couples in double-income, dual-career marriages.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>There are advantages to this. Money, obviously, is a big plus. With an extra source of income, household finances can become a little more comfortable. Pressure on the otherwise-sole breadwinner is eased too. And more money means more possibilities for the family. Suddenly, that year-end vacation to Paris doesn\u2019t seem so unaffordable anymore.<\/p><p>But the pluses go beyond the monetary. When your spouse goes out to work, she brings home more than just the bacon. She returns with fresh perspectives, new ways of seeing and doing things, of solving problems, and even of having fun. All of which can enrich a marriage and broaden your children\u2019s horizons.<\/p><p>Yet, with every silver lining comes a dark cloud. The double-career marriage throws the traditional husband-and-wife model into question. The old distribution of labour is out of whack. We are no longer the &#8220;Man of the house&#8221;. We don\u2019t get to make all the important decisions at home all the time. And when we do, our decisions are often probed, dissected, challenged, and sometimes, dismissed.<\/p><p>Egos are bruised. Arguments are raised. Unhappiness ensues. Left unchecked, it could leave a serious dent in your marriage. Not to mention a bitter aftertaste.<\/p><p>So what\u2019s a man to do?<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  alt=\"Making Working Couples Work\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Working-Couples-1.jpg\" \/><p>For starters, stop trying so hard to be one.<\/p><p>More specifically, stop trying to exert the old-fashioned &#8216;listen to thy man&#8221; rule on your spouse. Accept that a woman\u2019s role in the house has changed. By that measure, so must a man\u2019s.That means welcoming your wife\u2019s contribution to the working world, supporting her career every step of the way, and understanding that she has as much right to pursue her dreams out of the home as you do.<\/p><p>It also means working better as a team. Household responsibilities will have to be shared. Priorities have to be re-organised. Time has to be managed carefully. And respect has to be mutually shown. Do that, and your marriage will be the richer for it \u2013 in more ways than one.<\/p><p>Here are five tips you can follow to make your dual-career marriage a double success.<\/p><p><b><b>#1 Make Long-Term Plans Together<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Best done before or immediately after your marriage, sit down with your partner and talk about how you\u2019d like the story of your marriage to turn out. Discuss your dreams and aspirations \u2013 both for yourselves and the family. Then talk about how you can both achieve them together.<\/p><p>Make practical plans towards your goals. Would she be happy with a life spent with the kids at home while you go out and work? Or would you spend more time at home with the kids doing freelance work, while she works full-time?<\/p><p>It might even be a case of taking turns. You could both work until you have kids, and your wife could decide to switch to being a full-time mum. Or if you\u2019re interested in academia, your wife could support the household financially, while you concentrate on graduate school. Then when you do graduate, take over the breadwinner\u2019s role while she pursues her professional or personal interests.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  alt=\"Making Working Couples Work\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Working-Couples-2.jpg\" \/><p><b><b>#2 Work Out a Schedule<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Chances are, you and your wife will come home from a long day at the office tired, hungry and downright cranky. The last thing anybody wants is to ask for dinner, and finding out that neither of you have prepared it. Which could be a recipe for disaster, and a big, fat fight.<\/p><p>All of which could have been avoided had both of you made concrete pre- and after-work plans. Decide who\u2019s sending the kids to school and who\u2019s picking them up. Take turns to prepare dinner or buy take-aways. Draw up a house chore list so you know who\u2019s supposed to do what on which day.<\/p><p>But while it\u2019s good to have a timetable, remember that a little flexibility goes a long way. There will be some days when one or both of you are not able to fulfil your part of the schedule. Rather than playing the blame game, offer to cover that particular errand or chore for your partner. She will appreciate the effort and maturity. Besides, that\u2019s what playing as a team is all about.<\/p><p><b><b>#3 Take Time Off<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>In the midst of the hustle and bustle, it becomes all too easy to forget whom we\u2019re working for. The real boss isn\u2019t the one sitting in the corner office two cubicles down from yours. It\u2019s the one who agreed to spend the rest of her life with you.<\/p><p>So make sure the both of you make time for each other. Plan a trip together. Block out a date for a special dinner. Make it part of your working schedule. And stick to it. Work is important. But it\u2019s nothing compared to the person you\u2019re going to retire with.<\/p><p><b><b>#4 Don\u2019t Try To Read Her Mind<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>If you see that she\u2019s upset about something, don\u2019t guess what it is. Ask her. Chances are, she\u2019s annoyed at something you did or didn\u2019t do. It could be that you forgot to pick up the groceries after work. Or that you\u2019ve forgotten a date the two of you were supposed to be having. Or \u2013 heaven forbid \u2013 you\u2019ve forgotten your wedding anniversary.<\/p><p>Ask her nicely and calmly what it is she\u2019s upset about, and how you can make it better. Don\u2019t snap at her, or become defensive. Don\u2019t blame work for your oversight \u2013 it\u2019ll just make matters worse. Instead, apologise and promise it\u2019ll never happen again. Then order a bouquet of flowers for her the very next day.<\/p><p>Remember that you\u2019re not likely to win this one. And that the word \u201csorry\u201d is free.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  alt=\"Making Working Couples Work\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Working-couple-3.jpg\" \/><p><b><b>#5 Be a Pain Killer<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Whenever your wife is distressed by something at work, fight the male impulse to fix the problem. Rather, open up your ears and offer yourself as a &#8220;pain killer&#8221;. When women talk about their problems or frustrations, they don\u2019t necessarily want you to provide all the answers. What they simply need is someone who\u2019ll listen.<\/p><p>So focus less on being a problem solver, and more on being a husband. Be supportive. Be honest. And most importantly, be there for her. Always.<\/p><hr\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do we make a dual-career marriage work? Especially when the traditional roles of women as dutiful wives and men as breadwinners have turned on their heads. Fu Jinming explains&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":6292,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6290","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-the-groom-room"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Making Working Couples Work - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2013\/04\/making-working-couples-work\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Making Working Couples Work - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How do we make a dual-career marriage work? 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