{"id":5637,"date":"2012-12-24T11:00:27","date_gmt":"2012-12-24T03:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=5637"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:14:11","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:14:11","slug":"bury-that-ex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/12\/bury-that-ex\/","title":{"rendered":"Bury That Ex"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>How do you deal with your fiancee\u2019s or wife\u2019s insecurities about your ex-girlfriend(s)? What can you do to re-assure her that the past is past? Fu Jinming readies the shovel.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">I<\/b>f the relationship you\u2019re currently enjoying wasn\u2019t your first, chances are, you\u2019ll be carrying baggage over from your last one in some form or another.Which is all well and good if you know your boundaries, and understand that your current love is more important than the ones that have come and gone before. Because if you don\u2019t, your relationship is going to be one fraught with constant distrust, jealousy and major unhappiness.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>Unscientifically speaking, men seem to have developed the ability to move on from breakups faster than our fairer halves. Sure, we hurt like every person who\u2019s ever been dumped. And feel guilty like every jerk who\u2019s done the dumping. A sentimental pang still hits every now and then too. But eventually, we all arrive at the same conclusion: Dwelling on the past is an utter waste of time.<\/p><p>Maybe it\u2019s our evolutionary need to ignore the past and focus on the present. It ensures we could hunt our next prey when the last one got away. It\u2019s a necessary, if slightly warped, survival instinct. The past won\u2019t feed the tribe. And somehow, that trait has spilt over to the way we handle our relationships.<\/p><p>So while men go through the same feelings of loss, confusion and longing in between relationships, most of us eventually put our feelings for our former loves back where they belong \u2013 in the past.<\/p><p>The trouble is, our women don\u2019t seem to think we can. Indeed, the Ghost of Girlfriends Past haunts our current loves relentlessly.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/Bury-That-Ex-1-e1356319695416.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"Bury That Ex\"\/><p>Take my friend J. She went to Melbourne recently on a leisure trip alone. Her friend from her college days had emigrated there with his wife, so she thought it\u2019d be a great chance to catch up on old times. Only problem was, he used to have a huge crush on J. And his wife knew about it.<\/p><p>Not surprisingly, something &#8220;cropped up&#8221; on the day they were supposed to meet. And she left the country without having met him \u2013 or his wife. Later on, she heard his wife was furious that he had even agreed to meet J. He was effectively forced to abandon the reunion. He failed to convince his wife that he was meeting an old friend, not an old flame.<\/p><p>Was the wife being overly melodramatic and insecure? Perhaps not.Because contrary to popular belief, men are really no better when it comes to dealing with our Significant Others\u2019 romantic histories.<\/p><p>How would you feel if the love of your life still meets the love of her past regularly? All the insecurities you\u2019ve manfully buried will come bubbling to the surface. Instead of the self-assured man you think you are, you start to get paranoid, jealous and eventually, bitter about the ex-lover your wife or girlfriend calls &#8220;a very dear friend&#8221;.<\/p><p>At the end of the day, the old adage rings true: Do unto others what you would have others do unto you. There\u2019s more to gain by respecting your other half\u2019s feelings towards your friendship with your ex, being considerate enough to address it, and earning her trust.<\/p><p>Here are some ways you can show her you cherish this relationship more than the last.<\/p><p><b><b>1. Don\u2019t Shoot Her Down<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>The worst thing you can do is to dismiss your spouse\u2019s concerns about your former girlfriend(s) as silly or unfounded. Her fears of you cheating on her are real. You would feel just as insecure if you saw her hanging out with her ex.<\/p><p>Sit her down and talk about it. Explain to her that she means the world to you; that you understand her insecurities and would like to do something about them. Ask her what she thinks you should do to put her mind at ease.<\/p><p>Remember, it\u2019s not about bending to her will \u2013 and you\u2019re certainly entitled to decline unreasonable demands (denouncing your ex on YouTube and posting it up on Facebook counts as one). It\u2019s about showing her the effort you\u2019re willing to put in to earn her trust.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/Bury-That-Ex-2-e1356319724560.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"Bury That Ex\"\/><p><b><b>2. Cut All Ties<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>If you can, make a clean break from your ex. You\u2019re with someone you\u2019d like to spend the rest of your life with now. No reason for a blast from the past.<\/p><p>Of course, expect things to get a little awkward when you run into each other on the streets, in the restaurant, or worse, at a social gathering. And in the age of rampant social media, it\u2019s hard not to stumble across some stray post with your ex\u2019s face on it.<\/p><p>Remain steadfast and stout-hearted. Smile and exchange small pleasantries if you see her in public. Then walk away. If you see her online, just hit \u2018Delete\u2019.<\/p><p><b><b>3. Don\u2019t Keep Secrets<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>You have nothing to hide, so don\u2019t. Casually show her your SMS texts to let her know that everything is aboveboard. If you\u2019re meeting your ex for some reason, make sure your other half knows where and when. Explain to her that your relationship with your ex is purely platonic, and your meet-ups are not as regular as she thinks it is.<\/p><p>You can even invite her to join you if you think she is open-minded enough to do so. But know that the very mention of your ex will make her uncomfortable, so limit your social sessions with your former girlfriend whenever possible. Less face-time means less chances of a misunderstanding, and unnecessary trouble at home.<\/p><p><b><b>4. Be Sensitive<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>If you know your girlfriend is uncomfortable with your ex, don\u2019t mention her too often in your conversations. In fact, as far as possible, don\u2019t mention her at all. Things like \u201cKaren and I used to frequent this restaurant, it\u2019s quite good,\u201d will not go down well with the missus.<\/p><p>And please do not compare her looks, likes, and habits with your old flame\u2019s, even when it\u2019s well-intentioned. Saying: \u201cI remember Jane used to use this moisturiser for her skin, you should try it,\u201d is the surest way to acquire another ex.<\/p><p><b><b>5. Don\u2019t Use Her Gifts<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Men are visual creatures. So are women when it comes to spotting the things we use. If your fianc\u00e9e sees a tie, a watch, or even a key chain on you she\u2019s curious about, she will ask where or whom it\u2019s from. Telling her it was a gift from your ex is a sure way of seeding fresh insecurities in her.<\/p><p>Yet, we don\u2019t recommend lying. She\u2019ll find out the truth, and Hell hath no fury for her scorn.<\/p><p>Rather, explain that it\u2019s something you\u2019re using purely for function. Or better yet, go out and get a new one. If she decides to buy you a replacement, please be smart and use that instead of your old one.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/Bury-That-Ex-3-e1356319757247.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"Bury That Ex\"\/><p><b><b>6. Make Her Feel Special<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>When around other girls, especially your ex, make sure your centre of attention is squarely on the girl you\u2019re about to marry. You don\u2019t have to make a big show of it. Subtle gestures like holding her hand or wrapping your arm around her reassures her that she\u2019s still the most important woman in your life. She will appreciate the gesture.<\/p><p><b><b>7. Don\u2019t Invite Your Ex To Your Wedding<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Unless your fianc\u00e9e is open-minded and fully comfortable with your ex, it is wise to skip inviting the latter to your wedding. Even if the woman you\u2019re marrying says she\u2019s ok with inviting the woman you used to date, think twice. When women say, \u201cYes\u201d, chances are, it means a resolute \u201cNo, and the galls you have for even asking!\u201d<\/p><p>Instead, tell your wife-to-be that it\u2019s the most important day of your life, and that you\u2019d like it to just be about the both of you. No girlfriends from the past, which also means \u2013 happily for you \u2013 no boyfriends from hers too.<\/p><hr>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you deal with your fiancee\u2019s or wife\u2019s insecurities about your ex-girlfriend(s)? What can you do to re-assure her that the past is past? Fu Jinming readies the shovel.If&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":5644,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-the-groom-room"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bury That Ex - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/12\/bury-that-ex\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bury That Ex - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How do you deal with your fiancee\u2019s or wife\u2019s insecurities about your ex-girlfriend(s)? 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