{"id":5254,"date":"2012-10-18T13:23:26","date_gmt":"2012-10-18T05:23:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=5254"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:13:08","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:13:08","slug":"when-the-girl-proposes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/10\/when-the-girl-proposes\/","title":{"rendered":"When The Girl Proposes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>While it\u2019s still the norm for guys to initiate marriage proposals, some ladies have been bucking the trend and doing the asking instead. Fu Jinming ponders the practice, and what it means for dude-kind.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">T<\/b>he big question was popped between my friend, Darrel (not his real name) and his longtime girlfriend one balmy night. Except in his case, the girl did all the asking.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>Her proposal was classic textbook stuff, with a scheme that started simple enough.She asked him out and brought him to a quiet restaurant at the edge of town. It was a romantic little number, picturesque with a garden and a fountain, like an alfresco affair right out of <i>Roman Holiday<\/i>. A two-piece Bossa Nova band completed the scene, serenading them under the stars.Then just as dessert was served, his girl dropped the bombshell: She didn\u2019t want to be his girlfriend anymore. As he turned wide-eyed, a note went up to the singer of the band. It was a question directed at him. To which, with the entire restaurant\u2019s attention on him, he said yes.<\/p><p>Darrel beamed from ear-to-ear. It was the happiest day of his life. Only the wedding itself could have topped this, he thought. Most of all, he was floored by what he felt was a \u201cgutsy\u201d proposal.<\/p><p>With age-old social and cultural norms dictating that men ask for his lady&#8217;s hand \u2013 <a href=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2010\/12\/it%E2%80%99s-in-the-execution\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">bended knee<\/a>, <a href=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2010\/12\/the-manly-guide-to-buying-that-one-ring\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">diamond ring<\/a>, champagne glass and all \u2013 it\u2019s no wonder his now-fianc\u00e9e\u2019s <a href=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2011\/12\/the-art-of-the-marriage-proposal\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">proposal<\/a> is seen as a ballsy, unconventional one.<\/p><p>But is it really?<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  title=\"When The Girl Proposes\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/girl-propose-1-e1350537428237.jpeg\" alt=\"\" \/><i class=\"special\">An emotional scene from Friends &#8211; The One With The Proposal<\/i><p><b><b>The Changing Tide<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Since the feminist movement levelled the gender playing field at work and home, ladies have had a cultural shift in the way they perceive their place in life. There are no longer reasons a woman cannot pursue her passions.<\/p><p>Indeed, what a girl wants, a girl gets. And that includes the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, thank you very much.To be sure, marriage proposals from women are not uncommon in other cultures, particularly non-Asian ones. In fact, it is an accepted custom in places like Finland.Recent surveys have revealed that women proposed about 9 per cent of marriages worldwide. Some see it as a leap year tradition. Others \u2013 such as Queen Victoria, who asked Prince Albert for his hand in 1839 \u2013 take it as a right to marry the man she loves.And for those inspired by Monica\u2019s proposal to Chandler in the popular sitcom <i>Friends<\/i>, there are now websites detailing how womenfolk should pop the question (with gentleness) and ensure results (without mercy).<\/p><p>Can\u2019t say I blame them.<\/p><p>Because when it comes to popping the big question, men inevitably turn into boys. The kind of boys that love toy guns, but break into cold sweat when it\u2019s time to pull the trigger on the real ones.<\/p><p><b><b>The Bumbling Man<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Where women are organised, decisive and brave, men generally hiccup, hem-haw and palm-sweat our ways through life. Asking for the hand of our dream girl is, unfortunately, no different.It\u2019s like a bad song on repeat. Look at our track record with pick-up lines. Or our spectacular first date disasters.<\/p><p>I\u2019d put our embarrassing feebleness down to a combination of fear and reluctance: the fear of getting rejected, potentially in public. And the reluctance to grow up.Indeed, the latter is a shining example of the difference in which men and women perceive marriage.<\/p><p>Girls see the walk down the aisle as a rite of passage, a tick in the box marked \u201cStability\u201d.We see it as a tearful farewell to singlehood, and we\u2019re desperate to hang on to every last shred of it. If it means letting the women we love wait \u2013 till the day we are finally tired of having the boys over for an impromptu Oktoberfest, or marauding nights at the pub \u2013 so be it.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  title=\"When The Girl Proposes\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/girl-propose-2-e1350537480468.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><p>And so, rather than twiddle their thumbs in anticipation of the big question, women have learnt to take things into their own hands. Like Darrel\u2019s very significant other has.For her, age is a deciding factor. She is two years older than Darrel. And commands a higher salary.While she appreciates Darrel\u2019s intentions of getting his career off the ground first, literally \u2013 Darrel is a newly minted commercial pilot \u2013 her biological clock has decided otherwise.<\/p><p>Not that Darrel is complaining. Not many men would either.It saves us the trouble of asking, and the harrowing task of picking out a proposal ring on our own. After all, women have always been known to nail nuptial arrangements with military precision. Might as well let them shop for their own rings while they\u2019re at it.And it does make for a good story at the wedding. Or when you have grandchildren. Imagine the smirk on your face as you detail how irresistible you were that Grandma just had to ask first.<\/p><p>Bad news is, the odds are against us. Studies have shown that although one in 10 women have popped the question, almost three-quarters of them wished their partners had asked them first.<\/p><p>So boys, the truth stands: The ladies still prefer us to take the initiative, and go down on our bended knees.<\/p><p>Which, by the way, is fine by me.<\/p><p><b><b>Gentlemen First<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Call me old-fashioned, but I\u2019ve never thought twice about opening doors and pulling up chairs for the fairer sex. And I definitely wouldn\u2019t mind giving the woman I love a proposal to remember.It\u2019s all part of that essential quality that separates men from boys: Chivalry.And chivalry, I\u2019m told, never goes out of style.Sure, I\u2019ll probably trip and fall my way into the proposal like the bumbling fool I am. And I\u2019m the furthest thing from Hugh Grant in any of his floppy-haired, endearingly clumsy roles.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  title=\"When The Girl Proposes\" src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/girl-propose-3-e1350537535235.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><p>But therein lies the charm. For to struggle into unchartered waters, through confusion, anxiety and stage fright, is our equivalent of climbing Everest, of slaying dragons to save the princess. It is the final act of the hunt, of our devotion.<\/p><p>Because we are not simply asking a question. We are making the conscious decision to give up the things that mean the world to us. Things like mandatory football nights, harmless office flirtations, bromance films, and solo backpacking trips.<\/p><p>We are accepting the fact that, should she say yes, it would mean Sunday dinners with the in-laws, toilet seats that stay down, rom-com re-runs at home, sharing our day every day\u2013no matter how banal \u2013 and lots and lots of snuggling.It\u2019s almost like entering monkhood. Except in this case, you get to keep your hair, while she keeps everything else.<\/p><p>Which is why a marriage proposal is the ultimate proof of our love. And like everything else that requires effort, you\u2019d cherish the success of the proposal even more.Think of the surprise on her face. The twinkle in her eye. The tears that (may) follow.<\/p><p>Think of the celebratory sex.<\/p><p>Besides, I\u2019m a masochist. I like to work for what I want. After all, love is nothing without work. And marriage is a lot of work. So I might as well roll up my sleeves and start with the asking.<\/p><hr\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>While it\u2019s still the norm for guys to initiate marriage proposals, some ladies have been bucking the trend and doing the asking instead. Fu Jinming ponders the practice, and what&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":5261,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-the-groom-room"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>When The Girl Proposes - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/10\/when-the-girl-proposes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When The Girl Proposes - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"While it\u2019s still the norm for guys to initiate marriage proposals, some ladies have been bucking the trend and doing the asking instead. 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