{"id":3057,"date":"2012-03-12T10:05:02","date_gmt":"2012-03-12T02:05:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=3057"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:09:03","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:09:03","slug":"dealing-with-the-mother-in-law","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/03\/dealing-with-the-mother-in-law\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with the Mother-in-law"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>So you\u2019ve found The One. You\u2019ve even got him to get down on one knee, with a glittering diamond in a robin-egg-blue box in hand. But what hasn\u2019t exactly crossed your mind is the fact that the love-of-your-life comes packaged with, well, a mother. And now that the wedding planning is in full swing, you&#8217;re worried that she might have second thoughts about letting go of her son. Now breathe, as SingaporeBrides shows you how to cope.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">W<\/b>hen Lisa* was planning her wedding in late 2011, she was mentally prepared. \u201cI knew that I had to deal with many things at the same time, like comparing bridal packages and sorting out the guest list,\u201d says the 20-something administrator. \u201cBut these turned out to be the least of my troubles.\u201d Instead, dealing with her mother-in-law (and her many demands) turned out to be most frustrating for Lisa.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>\u201cShe basically bulldozed her way through the traditional aspects of the wedding planning. My husband and I wanted an intimate wedding, but she insisted on a full-blown Chinese banquet,\u201d says Lisa. \u201cWe ended up inviting a lot of guests we didn\u2019t know, like a distant granduncle from Hong Kong.\u201d<\/p><p>To make matters worse, Lisa\u2019s husband couldn\u2019t bring himself to curb his mother\u2019s enthusiasm for the wedding. \u201cHe was the first-born so everyone in the family was really excited. The fact that we wanted to keep things simple and sweet didn\u2019t even cross my mother-in-law\u2019s mind. So I ended up having to coordinate with the hotel manager over endless decisions for a banquet I didn\u2019t want in the first place.\u201d Needless to say, the stress and unhappiness got to the bridal couple. \u201cWe quarrelled a lot during those months because of all those expectations.\u201d<\/p><p>The couple is happily married now, but Lisa was definitely not the only bride-to-be out there with this problem. If you are afraid you might find yourself in such situations, read on for our stay-sane tips to pacify the future mother-in-law while pulling off that perfect wedding!<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/The-White-Rabbit-wedding-Amanda-and-Dennis-Naiise-22.jpg\" alt=\"The White Rabbit wedding Amanda and Dennis Naiise 22\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2016\/06\/white-rabbit-wedding-amanda-dennis\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Amanda and Dennis&#8217; Elegant Wedding at The White Rabbit<\/a> by Valentine Ross Photography<\/i><p><b><b>1. Listen\u2026 then stand firm<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>It is oh-so-common for parents to have plenty of opinions about what to do for the wedding \u2013 and exactly how to do it. Like how you must make your sister a bridesmaid. Or how you shouldn\u2019t spend too much on flowers. Sometimes, they feel the right to call the shots because they are the ones writing the cheque. But most times, it\u2019s because they are simply too excited and happy for you. Mothers, especially, tend to fall into this trap. So, listen to your future mother-in-law\u2019s suggestions, and make her feel that they are welcomed. But if you really feel uncomfortable about certain ideas (like screening her old homemade video of your fianc\u00e9\u2019s growing-up years at the banquet), speak up respectfully and stand firm. You owe it to yourself to create that dream wedding.<\/p><p><b><b>2. Involve the mother-in-law<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Most mothers can\u2019t wait for their children to grow up and get married. So it\u2019s absolutely natural for your future mother-in-law to want to be in the thick of the action. In fact, the worst thing you can do is to shut her out while you joyfully skip to Orchard Road to set up a wedding registry with her son. Actually, this is the best time to get on her good side \u2013 so involve her wherever possible. Think about which aspects of the wedding she might like to take charge of. Then, make her feel good by asking her to help you with that. For instance, she could do the legwork of choosing the restaurant for the Chinese banquet (her group of tai-tai friends might be able to offer some good recommendations). Or, if she\u2019s a skilled seamstress, ask if she could help to tailor-make dresses for your bridesmaids.<\/p><p><b><b>3. Be generous with compliments<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Chances are that your future mother-in-law has already done a lot for your wedding \u2013 even before you and your fianc\u00e9 have asked her to. She could already have quietly bought a 24K gold necklace to give you during the tea ceremony. Or maybe, she has personally called relatives to gather RSVPs (yes, even before the invitation cards are ready). It\u2019s important to acknowledge these efforts. Smile, say thank you and compliment her for her good thinking. You can even buy her a nice present to show that you\u2019re grateful for all that she has done for the both of you.<\/p><p><b><b>4. Doll her up<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>When the wedding draws near, you can go a step further to seal that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law bond. Take some time out to accompany her to shop for the dress she can wear at your wedding (after all, sons are not very useful at this task). If you and your fianc\u00e9 have been running around clearing errands, this will show her that the both of you still care about her and want her to look her best on your wedding day. You can even book her a nice spa or manicure session to pamper her, or hire a professional makeup artist for her.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/Dawn-and-Mings-Sweet-Wedding-at-The-Singapore-Thomson-Road-Baptist-Church-5.jpg\" alt=\"Dawn and Ming&#039;s Sweet Wedding at The Singapore Thomson Road Baptist Church 5\" \/><i class=\"special\"><a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2016\/01\/bright-and-modern-singapore-thomson-road-baptist-church-wedding\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dawn and Ming&#8217;s Bright and Modern Church Wedding<\/a> by Smittenpixels Photography<\/i><p><b><b>5. Remember: You love the same man<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>The mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law relationship can be a rollercoaster ride. There may be times when you feel like stabbing imaginary knives into your thighs (like when she says: \u201cDon\u2019t you know my Ah Boy prefers Crispy Roasted Chicken to Salted Egg-Yolk Prawns?\u201d at the banquet food-tasting session). But there will also be times when she shows she really does care, like when she painstakingly prepares porridge after she hears you\u2019ve come down with flu from all that pre-wedding stress. So no matter how difficult things get, remember one thing: You love the same man. So you wouldn\u2019t want silly domestic squabbles to stress yourselves out. And, don\u2019t ever make him choose between his mother and you. Understand that both of you hold a special place in his heart!<\/p><p>Of course, we have also heard stories of wonderful mothers-in-law who are more than happy that their sons have finally found someone to share their lives with. Horror stories about monster-in-laws and pre-wedding family squabbles are too common. But think about it: Is the flavour of the wedding cake really worth the fight? Just remember that planning a wedding should be a joyous event \u2013 for everyone involved.<\/p><p>*Not her real name.<\/p><hr\/><p><i>Credits: Feature image from <a href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2014\/12\/jesreen-and-karans-cultural-wedding-in-india\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Jesreen and Karan&#8217;s Cultural Wedding in India<\/a> by Ramit Batra.","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So you\u2019ve found The One. You\u2019ve even got him to get down on one knee, with a glittering diamond in a robin-egg-blue box in hand. But what hasn\u2019t exactly crossed&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":32128,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3057","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Dealing with the Mother-in-law - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2012\/03\/dealing-with-the-mother-in-law\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dealing with the Mother-in-law - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So you\u2019ve found The One. 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