{"id":13142,"date":"2014-09-03T09:05:48","date_gmt":"2014-09-03T01:05:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=13142"},"modified":"2021-05-06T16:28:52","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T08:28:52","slug":"the-unsexy-pre-marriage-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2014\/09\/the-unsexy-pre-marriage-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"The Unsexy Pre-Marriage Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>It\u2019s the talk before the walk down the aisle. And it\u2019s one you\u2019d do well to have. Fu Jinming clues you in on what you should be discussing with your beloved: finances, religion, kids, in-laws \u2013 even the pets.<\/i><\/p><p><b class=\"special\">S<\/b>he said yes. Congratulations. Pat on the back. Job well done.<\/p><div class=\"banner\"><script type=\"text\/javascript\">OA_show(5);<\/script><\/div><p>And so your future begins, full of hope and promise as you imagine the rest of your life with the girl of your dreams. But as the champagne flows, it\u2019s easy to overlook the most important talk you and your spouse-to-be will possibly ever have: the pre-marriage talk.<\/p><p>Yes, the one that\u2019s awkward, unsexy, yet utterly essential if you want a marriage that\u2019s lasting and rewarding. It\u2019s an honest, mature dialogue between two adults who are going to spend the rest of their lives living together. More importantly, it\u2019s a chance for both parties to lay their cards out on the table before the big day. All the cards.<\/p><p>Everything is discussable. Nothing is taboo. From how you see money in your life together, to whether you\u2019d like kids, pets, or even her parents in your forever-after. How you agree or disagree with each other\u2019s plans, values and expectations will mean the difference between a marriage and a mistake.<\/p><p>Having said that, don\u2019t expect both your expectations for the marriage to harmonise from the off. It is natural to have differences in certain areas. The key here is know where each party is coming from, then for both to work hard in the parts you\u2019re not aligned with. So you may create a game plan that you both agree will be best for your married life.<\/p><p>Here, we detail six main areas you\u2019d need to be on the same page for a happy, meaningful, and thoroughly rewarding union \u2013 before the engagement, and long after it.<\/p><p><b><b>1. Finances<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Money isn\u2019t everything. But plan poorly for it, and it can become a major sore point in your marriage. Financial problems are one of the most common causes of divorce. So be truthful about any debt that you might have, and your repayment plans to it. Will it affect your application for housing loans? How would you split the household expenses between the two of you? Should you have joint bank account or separate ones, or both? What are your financial goals?<\/p><p>Talk about your career expectations too. How do you see yourself \u2013 and her \u2013 progressing in your chosen professions? Do you expect your earnings to be sufficient to support your lives as two? Can you afford, if need be, to survive on a single income?<\/p><p>Understanding each other\u2019s financial situation will help you plan more adequately for your budget. You\u2019ll immediately have an idea of the kind of lifestyle choices \u2013 such as concerts, night-outs and vacations \u2013 the two of you can afford and enjoy together.<\/p><p><b><b>2. Kids<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Children may be a natural byproduct of a marriage. Or they may not. Do not be surprised if your partner has no plans to have kids \u2013 or worse, she may not even like them.<\/p><p>If you share the same thoughts, then you\u2019re on the same frequency. If not, you\u2019d better start talking about whether you\u2019d like to have them or not. If so, how many are you expecting to have? And when?<\/p><p>Don\u2019t stop there. Talk about how you\u2019d like to bring them up. Do you believe in tough love? Or are you a hugging parent? How do you see each potential parent\u2019s role? How would you discipline your kids? How were you and your spouse raised?<\/p><p>Talking about children \u2013 or the prospect of having them \u2013 will put your future in perspective. You have to be in agreement early, and not when the first baby arrives.<\/p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"  src=\"http:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/Marriage-Talk1.jpg\" alt=\"The Unsexy Pre-Marriage Talk\" \/><p><b><b>3. Religion<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>This may seem like a non-issue, particularly if you\u2019re a religion-free atheist. Or if you follow a faith, but are ok with your partner following a different one.<\/p><p>Statistically speaking though, your marriage has a much higher chance of making it if you both share the same religion. It\u2019s easy to see why: when you believe in the same faith, you believe in the same value systems. There\u2019s likely to be fewer disagreements about each other\u2019s guiding principles and religious commitments.<\/p><p>That is not to say that a marriage for couples with different religions won\u2019t work \u2013 it just needs more work. If you\u2019re one of them, find out if your fianc\u00e9e is fine with you taking a different religious path from hers. Conversely, let her know if you are ok with her doing the same. And if you two decide to have kids, whose religion will they follow? Or will they be free to choose their faith?<\/p><p>Then determine if there are potential adjustments to your lives needed to accommodate each other\u2019s religious practices. Are you expected to attend each other\u2019s festivities, for example? It\u2019s a sensitive topic, but talking about this now will avoid a bigger fight that may potentially harm your marriage further down the road.<\/p><p><b><b>4. Parents and In-laws<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>It\u2019s an uncomfortable topic. After all, you marry the person, you marry his or her family too, right?<\/p><p>Maybe so, but it\u2019s better to talk about how you intend to manage both sets of parents now, so you may prevent possible misunderstandings and unhappiness later in your marriage.<\/p><p>How often do you think your wife and you should visit your respective parents? Should you set aside a regular day for weekly dinners with your folks, and another for hers? Are they welcome to stay in your home if the need arises? If her parents run into problems as they age, will you be expected to help provide for them, either financially or otherwise?<\/p><p><b><b>5. Pets<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Laugh all you want, but agreeing on the type of pets \u2013 or indeed, if you should have them at all \u2013 can mean the difference between peace in your relationship, and constant bickering.<\/p><p>Ask yourself: are you a cat or dog person? What about your partner? Is she ok with her cat living with your dog? If she\u2019s not hot about animals, will she be ok with having a domesticated one in the house?<\/p><p>It\u2019s a discussion you need to have quite simply because, it\u2019s her home too. And starting a conversation about pets \u2013 or the absence of \u2013 will show that you respect her lifestyle preferences, and her feelings towards having an animal in the house.<\/p><p><b><b>6. Insecurities<\/b><\/b><\/p><p>Or more pointedly, do you have any ghosts that need burying, so to speak? It could be unresolved jealousy towards her ex (or exes). And her, with yours. Or about her attitudes and behavior towards you, like how you feel she belittles you in front of her friends, for instance.<\/p><p>It could also be insecurity about your status in the union. Does it bother you that she has a more successful career than yours? Do you mind the fact that she earns more than you? Or vice versa?<\/p><p>It isn\u2019t easy, and it may uncover some sensitive areas in your relationship, but having this discussion early will help identify the areas that may unsettle your feelings for each other later on in the marriage \u2013 and hopefully, nip them in the bud.<\/p><hr\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s the talk before the walk down the aisle. And it\u2019s one you\u2019d do well to have. Fu Jinming clues you in on what you should be discussing with your&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":13147,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2341,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-the-groom-room"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Unsexy Pre-Marriage Talk - SingaporeBrides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2014\/09\/the-unsexy-pre-marriage-talk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Unsexy Pre-Marriage Talk - SingaporeBrides\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s the talk before the walk down the aisle. 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