{"id":104123,"date":"2024-07-18T09:00:36","date_gmt":"2024-07-18T01:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/?p=104123"},"modified":"2024-07-16T15:02:00","modified_gmt":"2024-07-16T07:02:00","slug":"making-long-distance-relationship-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/singaporebrides.com\/articles\/2024\/07\/making-long-distance-relationship-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving the distance: Making a long-distance relationship work"},"content":{"rendered":"

Long-distance relationships may be one of the most difficult types of relationships to maintain. Here at SingaporeBrides, we share some lessons, learned the hard way, on how to survive the distance.<\/i><\/p>

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W<\/b>ith the world recovering to pre-COVID norms, many couples who had gotten together during the pandemic are finding themselves having to navigate long-distance relationships, which are infamous for having a short lifespan. Often the lack of physical proximity becomes too much for couples to handle and it leads to an early death of the relationship. I never really understood the intricacies of a long-distance relationship (LDR) until I experienced it myself. <\/p>

Similar to one of our writers<\/a>, I too got together with my current partner despite her preparing to leave an overseas internship within a month. When she left, I felt an immense sense of loss. Our weekly dates around Singapore were reduced to the four corners of the computer screen and all usual physical romantic gestures became impossible.<\/p>

However, a long-distance relationship isn’t all just pain and misery. This experience taught me to look past the physical and truly understand my partner for who she is. The first few months of the long-distance relationship allowed us to engage in difficult conversations and topics that might not have happened if we were next to each other physically. While I share the pain of fellow couples in an LDR, I assure you that there is a silver lining in such an experience. As such, as someone who has spent more time physically apart than together in our relationship, I offer you some important lessons I learned while navigating this experience to help keep the relationship alive.<\/p>\"\"Rachel and Aaron’s Intimate and Unplugged Wedding at Maison Miaja<\/a> by Andri Tei Photography<\/a><\/i>

Learn your partner’s attachment style and act accordingly<\/h3><\/p>

What is extremely important during an LDR is to understand your partner’s attachment style. Attachment style theory, first proposed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, offers a profound understanding of how individuals form emotional bonds and how these bonds influence their relationships. At its core, the theory posits that early interactions with primary caregivers shape one’s approach to relationships throughout life. Our attachment styles dictate how we bond and react to intimacy and love. It is important to understand the way your partner loves and wishes to be loved to properly care for them over the geological distance.<\/p>

The Securely Attached<\/b>

People who are securely attached tend to be very grounded people who are often able to self-regulate their feelings in a relationship. Individuals with a secure attachment style typically had caregivers who were responsive and available, leading to the development of trust and a sense of safety. If your partner has been transparent with their thoughts and feelings with you, chances are that they possess a secure attachment style.<\/p>

In long-distance relationships, securely attached partners tend to maintain strong communication and trust. They are less likely to succumb to jealousy or anxiety about the distance because they feel confident in their partner’s commitment. This confidence allows them to provide and seek support when needed, fostering a healthy and resilient relationship despite the physical separation. Regular communication, planning visits, and focusing on the positive aspects of the distance can help them maintain their bond.<\/p>

The Anxious-Preoccupied<\/b>

If your partner is constantly asking for reassurance and emotionally spiralling throughout the long-distance relationship, they are most probably someone with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Anxious-preoccupied individuals often experienced inconsistent caregiving, leading to a deep-seated fear of abandonment and a heightened need for reassurance. Unlike people who are securely attached, those with anxious attachment styles find it difficult to self-regulate their emotions and often rely on their partner for emotional validation due to their fear of abandonment. This fear or anxiety is heightened by the physical distance between the both of you, making them incredibly anxious. <\/p>

In an LDR, anxious-preoccupied individuals may need frequent communication and reassurance, which can sometimes be perceived as clinginess. This heightened need for contact can strain the relationship, especially if their partner has a different attachment style. Managing this anxiety in LDRs involves establishing clear communication channels, setting regular times for virtual meetings, and engaging in shared activities like watching movies online together or playing games. Sometimes even simple words of affirmation can go a long way for someone who is anxious-preoccupied.<\/p>\"\"Cheryl and Barry’s Anniversary Shoot in the Woods<\/a> by Bridelope Productions<\/a><\/i>

The Dismissive-Avoidant<\/b>

Some of you might find that your partner might become distant as you transition to long distance and become comfortable without replying for hours and sometimes even days. Likely, they find the physical distance comforting as they regain control of the relationship as part of their defence mechanism. Dismissively-avoidant individuals often thrive when there is a physical or emotional distance in the relationship as they believe it acts as a shield from their fear of intimacy and abandonment, mostly stemming from past relationships or their childhood. They typically had caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or unresponsive, leading them to prioritise independence and self-reliance over emotional closeness.<\/p>

In an LDR, dismissive-avoidant individuals may appear to focus on their own lives and interests. They might not initiate contact frequently, which can create tension if their partner needs more communication and emotional support. To bridge this gap, it is important for dismissive-avoidant individuals to make conscious efforts to connect with their partner regularly and express their feelings, even if it feels uncomfortable, such as asking them to reply messages at least once a day. Encouraging open and honest communication can help balance their need for independence with the emotional needs of the relationship.<\/p>

The Fearful-Avoidant<\/b>

Fearful-avoidant individuals often had traumatic or highly inconsistent caregiving experiences, resulting in a complex mix of anxiety and avoidance. They desire closeness but are also deeply afraid of getting hurt, leading to a push-pull dynamic in their relationships.<\/p>

In the context of an LDR, fearful-avoidant individuals may experience intense internal conflict. They might oscillate between needing reassurance and withdrawing to protect themselves from potential rejection. This inconsistency can create confusion and instability in the relationship. Addressing these challenges requires a supportive and understanding partner who can help build trust and security over time. Professional counseling or therapy can also be beneficial in addressing the underlying fears and attachment issues.<\/p>\"\"Xue Qi and Chun Wai’s Ethereal and Romantic Vow Renewal Styled Shoot at Buangkok Crescent Field<\/a> by Present on Pixels<\/a><\/i>

Respectful communication<\/h3>

Transitioning to a long-distance relationship can be one of the hardest things for couples. The loss of physical closeness can cause a sense of emptiness. When my partner first went overseas, we attempted to fill that emptiness by texting excessively throughout the day. However, we quickly realised that it was unsustainable as we both needed space to grow and work on ourselves. Although it is important to stay in contact with your partner, it is also important to understand that both of you have lives outside of the relationship and it is important to give each other the space needed to grow. Be understanding on the days your partner feels drained from work and requests to skip your daily calls. While growing with your partner is key to a successful relationship, recognise the need to also grow individually to contribute to your relationship in the future.<\/p>

On the other hand, do not completely abandon your partner and focus on your personal life. Some couples often drift during long-distance relationships because they get carried away with what is physically close to them. It’s okay to skip your weekly clubbing session once in a while to make time for a video call or an online movie night with your partner. If you want the relationship to survive, compromises are a given and it should happen no matter the distance.<\/p>

Hence, a middle ground has to be established for the LDR, one where both of your personal spaces are respected and also one that respects the space the both of you share. Set up a communication system that works around this middle ground and is based on mutual respect for both of your needs and preferences.<\/p>

Expect less, appreciate more<\/h3>

I’m sure I speak for most LDR couples that an LDR can become quite a lonely experience. Not only because of the distance separating us but also because friends may not be relate to what you are going through. I used to feel a tinge of envy whenever I saw my friends posting about their relationships on social media. This often led to feelings of frustration as it emphasises the distance I have with my partner. <\/p>

However, I have come to realise that while we might not be able to show our love by going for romantic walks by the river, we still did our best to love and support each other. Sometimes even a simple phone call or a short message of affirmation can go a long way in brightening up our days. I love it when my partner sends me video messages of her day. It might not be a typical romantic date but I have always appreciated<\/a> how my partner updates me about her day. I can see consistent effort that my partner puts into the relationship.<\/p>

To the other LDR couples who may be reading this, let’s hope the time apart will only make the reunion sweeter. And for those who are struggling with the initial transition to a long-distance relationship, just be sure to come up with a communication plan that will work for both of you. By fostering open communication, empathy, and mutual support, couples can build strong, resilient relationships that thrive despite the miles between them. After all, as long as your love for each other is genuine, no amount of distance can separate the two of you. <\/p>

Feature image from Janice and Glenn’s Stunning Pre-wedding Shoot in Cappadocia, Turkey<\/a> by Kursat Acar.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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