Equal split vs guy bears more of the cost

Jennie86

New Member
Just want to find out is it normal to have equal split of the wedding cost for couples nowadays?

Initially me and my fiancé planned to split the cost of wedding equally, total 60k (excluding any angpows collected), each 30k. But my family opposed and insisted the guy side to pay more because "it is a custom" for guy side to pay more... ended up my fiancé will bear more of the cost: 55k, me 5k only. There is also a bto reno coming up (which we split equally regardless).

This created a lot of tension between my family and future-in-laws family. My mum says most of the money will eventually be returned back to me and him via me, especially the gifts for GDL, she won't keep much. But my fiancé questioned the motive and the need of following the tradition or is there such a tradition in the first place?

Just want to find out how other couples split the cost?
 


jerloves

Member
We had the same issue previously. But we agreed as a couple that we are the ones who will be staying tgt and setting up a family tgt. Finances should then be managed as a family/couple. Me spending more means I'll have less money for our family. Him spending more means the same thing as well. So ultimately it boils down to the same thing.

This is because we see the wedding as just one instant where splitting of finances becomes a headache. There's still many purchases to be "argued", from bto reno, utilities bills, interior design, purchase of furniture to children's milk powder, clothes, education etc. So currently we have a joint account which we contribute to every month. All these payments will then be from the joint account.
 
My HTB and me will be splitting the cost equally for wedding as well as renovation as he is not from a rich family and I wouldn't want those wedding as well as those tradition custom leading to endless quarrels therefore after much discussion we decided to split the cost .,
 
Guys are traditionally the breadwinners. I think that's why people feel that guys need to pay more. Further, in the old days women do not work, so there is no way the girl will be able to pay half, unless her parents help. Honestly if my guy is super rich I wouldn't mind him paying for all. It's nice if he offers to pay for more, say at least the bride's vip table?

But times have changed and now usually both are working. So I personally feel it is fairer for both to bear the costs, subject to other considerations like each person's salary, other commitments etc.

I agree that it should be the couple's decision on the split. We also split half except for some items like wedding bands (I pay for his and he pays for mine). All angbaos went into the joint account. In reality, we only spent a couple of k each because we kept it very small and the angbaos helped cover most expenses. My mum did not take any angbao from the banquet.

However, you will need to manage your family's expectations too otherwise it may be uncomfortable in future. It is around 7 years since my sis in laws wedding and my MIL is still talking about how stingy my SIL's husband was. But on the other hand she also told my husband that he is the guy and hence should pay more for ours.

Do remember that at the end, it definitely won't be 60k because of the angbaos.
 

rubyong

New Member
For wedding dinner I guess it will depends on how many tables each side is taking. Eg. If the guy takes 10 tables, he will have to pay for that no. Of tables., and the girl's side just have to pay for her side. On top of that, the guy side could help to pay for a few tables for the girl side as a '' gift''. This is to ensure a more fair share in case one side decided to invite more people than the other.

For renovation, we decided to split equally because both will stay together. Maybe in the future the guy could pay for the utility bills so to show that he's still considered as the '' breadwinner'' of the family.
 

Coffeeaddict27

New Member
Hi Jennie86, I am going through the same situation right now. We both agreed to split the costs but my mum became upset that I was paying. She compared her wedding -which my dad really bled during his time to give what she wanted. He feels that she is unreasonable too. I'm still thinking how to even share this with my HTB because I don't know how he and his side will react.
 

cjnsal

Member
Hi Jennie86, I am going through the same situation right now. We both agreed to split the costs but my mum became upset that I was paying. She compared her wedding -which my dad really bled during his time to give what she wanted. He feels that she is unreasonable too. I'm still thinking how to even share this with my HTB because I don't know how he and his side will react.

Hi, why do you want to share these details with your mum? You can just tell her that your HTB is paying for everything and then you on the other hand help out your HTB. Wedding is just a 1 off thing that is 1 day only. But your marriage is 1 lifetime... Your HTB money is eventually your money too ah. No need to be too calculative about it.. But need to show him your support :)
 

Jennie86

New Member
Hi Jennie86, I am going through the same situation right now. We both agreed to split the costs but my mum became upset that I was paying. She compared her wedding -which my dad really bled during his time to give what she wanted. He feels that she is unreasonable too. I'm still thinking how to even share this with my HTB because I don't know how he and his side will react.

My HTB makes no objection as long as things don't go too far, this is to save endless quarrel between the two families. But he seems upset coz his bank account will be emptied, and mine has around 70k and he won't accept me putting all into the joint account as it will make him look like he is dependent on wife's saving after the wedding. He said to man it's a big no no. So I am lost....
 

walkwithme

New Member
Banquet paid from joint account (all angpows will go to the joint account too)
I think he will end up having paid more overall because there are some costs borne by him solely eg angpow for my mum and engagement ring but I don't think the diff will be great

What other costs are there hmm ....ad photography videography and gown I guess i can pay for that few k
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Banquet paid from joint account (all angpows will go to the joint account too)
I think he will end up having paid more overall because there are some costs borne by him solely eg angpow for my mum and engagement ring but I don't think the diff will be great

What other costs are there hmm ....ad photography videography and gown I guess i can pay for that few k

I thought the guy should at least pay for the banquet while the rest can be shared between the couple..
 
Hi, why do you want to share these details with your mum? You can just tell her that your HTB is paying for everything and then you on the other hand help out your HTB. Wedding is just a 1 off thing that is 1 day only. But your marriage is 1 lifetime... Your HTB money is eventually your money too ah. No need to be too calculative about it.. But need to show him your support :)

Agree with cjnsal's response. My HTB is covering banquet cost and we are splitting the cost for everything else. I told my mum hes paying for everything and used that to convince her that all angbaos will go to him (she wanted that whole "guy give girl a number of tables ang bao" thingy). She seems convinced for now and hope she doesn't flip prata later lol. So on the surface is that haha, I do tell my HTB that should he need any assistance with the banquet payment, definitely I will help.

Sometimes no need tell parents all the payment arrangement one. unless they are paying haha.
 
Agree with cjnsal's response. My HTB is covering banquet cost and we are splitting the cost for everything else. I told my mum hes paying for everything and used that to convince her that all angbaos will go to him (she wanted that whole "guy give girl a number of tables ang bao" thingy). She seems convinced for now and hope she doesn't flip prata later lol. So on the surface is that haha, I do tell my HTB that should he need any assistance with the banquet payment, definitely I will help.

Sometimes no need tell parents all the payment arrangement one. unless they are paying haha.

My mom is pretty insistent on the guy gives girl some tables thing so I'm trying to prep the mister for that haha.

I'm a very practical person, I think whatever angbao we receive should go into paying for the wedding, no more guy pays for everything (unless he's super duper rich). Hahaha it's the 21st centuryyyyyy. We girls can feed ourselves too!
 

helloyou

Member
My mom is pretty insistent on the guy gives girl some tables thing so I'm trying to prep the mister for that haha.

I'm a very practical person, I think whatever angbao we receive should go into paying for the wedding, no more guy pays for everything (unless he's super duper rich). Hahaha it's the 21st centuryyyyyy. We girls can feed ourselves too!

Agree. My mum is also very insistent on guy giving tables and whatever money that girls side receive from Angbao would have to be given to her too :( that's gonna be costly
 

Yilihchia

New Member
Hi, me & my bf split almost all the cost like the pws & the banquet cause my bf is not that wealthy too provided he's a Malaysian.

As for the wedding ring, we've decided that he will buy for me & I'll buy for him. Yes my mum nag a little but I always tell her now is modern society... N being husband & wife, we shouldn't be that calculative after all...if all else fails, just bluff her he paid more then
 

helloyou

Member
Hi, me & my bf split almost all the cost like the pws & the banquet cause my bf is not that wealthy too provided he's a Malaysian.

As for the wedding ring, we've decided that he will buy for me & I'll buy for him. Yes my mum nag a little but I always tell her now is modern society... N being husband & wife, we shouldn't be that calculative after all...if all else fails, just bluff her he paid more then

Good to hear that :) I think it's only fair that both parties share the cost together. It doesn't make sense to make the guy pay most of the stuffs. But I guess parent nowadays still stick to the olden days tradition. I din want sidianjin as I find it a waste of money. Who wears gold every single day. But my mum insist I should get it. Wanted to change to si Dian zhuan instead but got rejected.
 

Yilihchia

New Member
Nowadays sidianjin is being followed based on traditions only..u can think it as a investment given by parents to u...cause diamonds have absolutely no resale value at all.
 

Enchantedgal

New Member
My mom actually asked for 10 banquet tables from my in-laws. I feel a bit paiseh but they actually agreed. They are just a middle income family. So I think I will pay more for my bridal package and maybe for AD photography.
 

newproject

Active Member
I thought the guy should at least pay for the banquet while the rest can be shared between the couple..
Bro i know you are inexperienced but you do know that for most weddings the majority of cost comes from the banquet?

Also some practice the tradition of "giving tables" aka if you give say 5 tables, the girl side gets to keep all ang pao from 5 tables...
 

summertrove

New Member
I have a banquet of 27 tables.
And I only have 5 table for my side.

I have a feeling my fiance still thinks that we will be splitting the cost equally.
Which I am dreading too because I've always asked for a small banquet but apparently his parents have got lots of friends and is taking up more than half of all the tables.

Am I being calculative if I suggest for me to pay only for my 5 tables?
 

ing1

Active Member
I have a banquet of 27 tables.
And I only have 5 table for my side.

I have a feeling my fiance still thinks that we will be splitting the cost equally.
Which I am dreading too because I've always asked for a small banquet but apparently his parents have got lots of friends and is taking up more than half of all the tables.

Am I being calculative if I suggest for me to pay only for my 5 tables?
Get his parents to pay for their friends tables?

Jokes aside, I think cost shld be shared equally like everything else for the wedding n marriage. It's life together, sweet or tough. No?
 

eang18

Member
I have a banquet of 27 tables.
And I only have 5 table for my side.

I have a feeling my fiance still thinks that we will be splitting the cost equally.
Which I am dreading too because I've always asked for a small banquet but apparently his parents have got lots of friends and is taking up more than half of all the tables.

Am I being calculative if I suggest for me to pay only for my 5 tables?

As you are getting married and sharing the lifetime with your partner - it will be good be upfront and discuss on the finance too. Nothing too calculative since its about being able to afford as a couple :)
One way to handle to based on the hotel's minimum committed number of table i.e. 20 tables or 16 tables -> This should be the price that both of you are comfortable sharing.
Assumingly, its a chinese wedding - the angpaos money received can then be used to pay off the entire bill, any remainder split between both of you loh.

Hope it make senses.
 

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