frustrated_bridetobe
New Member
hi I have been using sgbrides for guide a long time n this is my first post as I m feeling quite lost.
htb comes from a very big family, quite traditional sense.. MIL very big on having extended family dinners every other week that type.. his extended family have children who R very naughty. every Cny also break things, if don't give IPAD or have their way will scream n throw temper that type. htb is first male grandson of his paternal granny
I come from a broken family, but I have stepparent who is Ang moh. my mother is very modern. my family is very very small - no extended family at all. but my mother always stress the importance of chinese values like respecting elders at dinner table la tt type. PIL always think I donno how to eat this eat that like I never ever have boiled soup b4 or chicken liver or some dialect specialty dish b4 just cos of my family background but everything they ask me i all are b4 coz my mom always exposed me to different things since young. ppl always think broken family means poor child but I m very independent. I'm only child
anyway i always hope tt on my wedding day, ppl will let me plan the day I want n share with ppl I want to share with. lucky me to have a htb who thinks similarly
my htb doesn't care who is invited or not as long as he's marryibg me n im happy. he was resistant to do the tea ceremony at first but I oersauded him to cos i think it's impt. anyway my fru rations are these and I can't work them out
1) Afraid that PIL are very judge mental on my family: career mother remarry foreigner n tt I m not on any terms with my father since young. you know like they will gossip to aunties uncles n what not. like I'm very fiercely protective of my family so I cannot tolerate. ESP if this is family i going to marry into. lead to point 2)
2) what if PIL keep pestering abt my biological father n say he got right to b at wedding cos he is "afterall the father"? once we had meeting last time n MIL shot me tt "they (paternal family) also raise U rite" like i very unfilial but explain to her circumstances already n htb (then bf) also told her off privately.
3) then at wedding I always only wanted a small intimate wedding. my htb too. just immediate family (parents, his siblings, bestest friends) then have a nice suit n gown n dance n have fun till sunset with ppl who love us n we love them most. ppl who basically know our love to celebrate our love together.
BUT. PIL want to invite a lot a lot a lot of ppl. I only got LESS than 20 ppl coming on my side. htb also agreed small n sweet n intimate. but they want grand wedding like bride n groom must perform la, must yum sheng la, must those banquet la, every extended uncle auntie cousin far n wide must invite who I never meet b4, will most likely never meet again n even my htb don't even know. or have PPP we donno gawk at us or gossip or what not. I told MIL I m not tt type of girl I like quietness. I prefer quality over quantity n magnitude. even htb is like tt. his cousins all got those grand banquet weddings. one even got like 3-4 weddinbs in different countries: like 2 in malaysia 2 in SG tt type. bit htb n I not like tt. not tt type who like big spectacle. we got few close friends too. we r very geeky n quiet type. his dad once say wedding is like not wedding more like biz connection session. sigh. if others R ok like tt then it's up to them cos it's their wedding but we r not like tt. anyway, htb is pressurized.
n i know if I alwaysgive in then I'll never get a breather forever cos mil always sticky to htb. I understand too cos I sticky to my parents too but sometimes we need space to breathe ma. lucky my parents let me be on my own but when it's family time I love family time. anyway htb is very filial in his own way too n I respect him for tt. but I know I'll be very very very unhappy if we have a wedding his parents want. I'll sulk I'll not feel it's a day for us n for ppl we love to celebrate us. I didn't want to marry in the first place - htb n I dating for more than 11 years already. we happy status quo. htb proposed last time like 4-5 years ago. ok not really propose la more like an agreement tt we R so happy tgether we will spend many many many more yes like tt happy tgether.
was thinking solution to have tea ceremony another day then can assuage his parents of inviting all those ppl. htb ok but PIL still no. n htb don't want to do tea ceremony to extended relatives other than his parents, sister, grandmothers, n his closest uncle n aunty n also my parents la.
we R paying the wedding by ourselves. we already say keep it small scale low scale the way suited to our personalities carefree n happy. we don't earn much n i don't want to ask for money cos I believe we got enough for what we think is enough. we also thinking of taking a break from wrk to further studies so we want to keep things small n intimate like who we r. but this is increasingly not possible n we r increasingly unhappy. to the pt I want to run away n call off the wedding n not burden htb anymore. htb wants me to give in but I wont. maybe I'm too obstinate n naive n idealistic n selfish I don't know. but what's the pt of marrying n go thru such bad patch? I'm really not trying to be disrespectful im not disrespectful person at all but at lot of factors make it hard so hard for us. I don't want to be unhappy on tt day. I c my friends plan their wedding with their hubby n end up inflate until cannot recuperate costs at all + invited 1/2 of ppl they donno + their respective parents n in laws complain until the wedding becomes likd theirs like tt + they do stressed n unhappy in the end n can't wait for the day to be over. mayb I need enlightenment n help. frustrated
htb comes from a very big family, quite traditional sense.. MIL very big on having extended family dinners every other week that type.. his extended family have children who R very naughty. every Cny also break things, if don't give IPAD or have their way will scream n throw temper that type. htb is first male grandson of his paternal granny
I come from a broken family, but I have stepparent who is Ang moh. my mother is very modern. my family is very very small - no extended family at all. but my mother always stress the importance of chinese values like respecting elders at dinner table la tt type. PIL always think I donno how to eat this eat that like I never ever have boiled soup b4 or chicken liver or some dialect specialty dish b4 just cos of my family background but everything they ask me i all are b4 coz my mom always exposed me to different things since young. ppl always think broken family means poor child but I m very independent. I'm only child
anyway i always hope tt on my wedding day, ppl will let me plan the day I want n share with ppl I want to share with. lucky me to have a htb who thinks similarly
my htb doesn't care who is invited or not as long as he's marryibg me n im happy. he was resistant to do the tea ceremony at first but I oersauded him to cos i think it's impt. anyway my fru rations are these and I can't work them out
1) Afraid that PIL are very judge mental on my family: career mother remarry foreigner n tt I m not on any terms with my father since young. you know like they will gossip to aunties uncles n what not. like I'm very fiercely protective of my family so I cannot tolerate. ESP if this is family i going to marry into. lead to point 2)
2) what if PIL keep pestering abt my biological father n say he got right to b at wedding cos he is "afterall the father"? once we had meeting last time n MIL shot me tt "they (paternal family) also raise U rite" like i very unfilial but explain to her circumstances already n htb (then bf) also told her off privately.
3) then at wedding I always only wanted a small intimate wedding. my htb too. just immediate family (parents, his siblings, bestest friends) then have a nice suit n gown n dance n have fun till sunset with ppl who love us n we love them most. ppl who basically know our love to celebrate our love together.
BUT. PIL want to invite a lot a lot a lot of ppl. I only got LESS than 20 ppl coming on my side. htb also agreed small n sweet n intimate. but they want grand wedding like bride n groom must perform la, must yum sheng la, must those banquet la, every extended uncle auntie cousin far n wide must invite who I never meet b4, will most likely never meet again n even my htb don't even know. or have PPP we donno gawk at us or gossip or what not. I told MIL I m not tt type of girl I like quietness. I prefer quality over quantity n magnitude. even htb is like tt. his cousins all got those grand banquet weddings. one even got like 3-4 weddinbs in different countries: like 2 in malaysia 2 in SG tt type. bit htb n I not like tt. not tt type who like big spectacle. we got few close friends too. we r very geeky n quiet type. his dad once say wedding is like not wedding more like biz connection session. sigh. if others R ok like tt then it's up to them cos it's their wedding but we r not like tt. anyway, htb is pressurized.
n i know if I alwaysgive in then I'll never get a breather forever cos mil always sticky to htb. I understand too cos I sticky to my parents too but sometimes we need space to breathe ma. lucky my parents let me be on my own but when it's family time I love family time. anyway htb is very filial in his own way too n I respect him for tt. but I know I'll be very very very unhappy if we have a wedding his parents want. I'll sulk I'll not feel it's a day for us n for ppl we love to celebrate us. I didn't want to marry in the first place - htb n I dating for more than 11 years already. we happy status quo. htb proposed last time like 4-5 years ago. ok not really propose la more like an agreement tt we R so happy tgether we will spend many many many more yes like tt happy tgether.
was thinking solution to have tea ceremony another day then can assuage his parents of inviting all those ppl. htb ok but PIL still no. n htb don't want to do tea ceremony to extended relatives other than his parents, sister, grandmothers, n his closest uncle n aunty n also my parents la.
we R paying the wedding by ourselves. we already say keep it small scale low scale the way suited to our personalities carefree n happy. we don't earn much n i don't want to ask for money cos I believe we got enough for what we think is enough. we also thinking of taking a break from wrk to further studies so we want to keep things small n intimate like who we r. but this is increasingly not possible n we r increasingly unhappy. to the pt I want to run away n call off the wedding n not burden htb anymore. htb wants me to give in but I wont. maybe I'm too obstinate n naive n idealistic n selfish I don't know. but what's the pt of marrying n go thru such bad patch? I'm really not trying to be disrespectful im not disrespectful person at all but at lot of factors make it hard so hard for us. I don't want to be unhappy on tt day. I c my friends plan their wedding with their hubby n end up inflate until cannot recuperate costs at all + invited 1/2 of ppl they donno + their respective parents n in laws complain until the wedding becomes likd theirs like tt + they do stressed n unhappy in the end n can't wait for the day to be over. mayb I need enlightenment n help. frustrated