Time is ticking.
Hi everyone, I need some advice here. Should I continue or call off the wedding?
I am a 30 year old man, and I know guys do not speak of these matters very openly, but I am at my wits end.
I have known G most of my life and we have been dating for 10 years now. We have been through Ns, Uni, and overseas postings and although it has been tough, we still manage to pull through. Our relationship has not been the smoothest of sails, punctuated by quite a bit of quarrelling. However lately thing have been getting worse. All happened after the proposal.
I popped the question in April, and it seems that since then, we have been bickering non stop over the tiniest of things, most of the quarrels seem to stem from what I perceive as a lack of consideration from her. She would reject simple things like my requests for a bedtime song and story. She naturally would not even hold my hand when we are together, I always am the one doing it. We have gone almost 2 months without sex, as I have noticed that I am the one always initiating and therefore I have stopped to see if she if she would initiate some form of intimacy, but no 2 months later and nothing has happened. I know that she earns half what I do, and I do not complain when I have to pay for most things (I assume that it is a "guy" thing to do) . She spends a lot on her facials, hair, ect ect but when it comes to shared bills, she is always reluctant to pull out her purse, even on the odd occasion. I feel that she is insensitive toward money and time, late all the time and very spend thrift (insisting that I fork out 3000 for flowers and sulking when I say that I can't afford it). She promised that she will cook if she had a kitchen, we went on holiday, I gave her cash to go shopping and rented a house with a fully stocked kitchen. She came up with excuse after excuse not to cook. She says she does not want to have sex at home, I take her out to a stay cation but all she does is sleeps until I initiate . I don't even get a hello kiss when I see her after work! I once even told her, even your dog seems happier to see me than you. Cos when I go over, knock the door, she just says a hello turns around and plops on the couch. No hug no kiss. Even her dog will pounce on me.
Whenever she is late, or when she passes a hurtful comment, I make it known to her gently but she never apologises. Her reason is " mum taught me not to apologise to anyone if I don't mean it". This is the most hurtful thing. As whenever we quarrel, I am the one always ending up saying sorry. I am always the one rushing down to her place to reconcile. There are too many things that have been said which I find rude and hurtful. For instance, just today, she arranged to go out with me at 930 am. I called at 9 to see if she was ready she said no plans changed now 11 am. Here I am all changed and ready to pick her up and I said "hey if plans had changed why didn't u inform me?" all she can say is, "what u want me to do? Apologise? Everything I do also wrong." I try not to lose my temper at her, directing all the anger inside. This has lead me to depression, and when she sees me sinking and even when I tell her, all she can do is say . "What you want me to do? I don't know what I ca do for you" . yes all I need is a hug and tell me everything is fine. Is that too much to ask?
These are simple tiny issues that seem basic. But as a daily affair, it gets pretty weary.
We have been going for couples counselling regularly for almost a year now. And I have been putting all that we learnt into practice. But as soon as the session is over, everything we have discussed seems to be forgotten. I feel that My relationship lacks intimacy, initiative, and communication.
I do still love her, I am engaged now, HDB is coming soon, my family and friends love her, I spent more than $20k on wedding preparations already. Time is ticking. Should I continue? Should I bail?
Hi everyone, I need some advice here. Should I continue or call off the wedding?
I am a 30 year old man, and I know guys do not speak of these matters very openly, but I am at my wits end.
I have known G most of my life and we have been dating for 10 years now. We have been through Ns, Uni, and overseas postings and although it has been tough, we still manage to pull through. Our relationship has not been the smoothest of sails, punctuated by quite a bit of quarrelling. However lately thing have been getting worse. All happened after the proposal.
I popped the question in April, and it seems that since then, we have been bickering non stop over the tiniest of things, most of the quarrels seem to stem from what I perceive as a lack of consideration from her. She would reject simple things like my requests for a bedtime song and story. She naturally would not even hold my hand when we are together, I always am the one doing it. We have gone almost 2 months without sex, as I have noticed that I am the one always initiating and therefore I have stopped to see if she if she would initiate some form of intimacy, but no 2 months later and nothing has happened. I know that she earns half what I do, and I do not complain when I have to pay for most things (I assume that it is a "guy" thing to do) . She spends a lot on her facials, hair, ect ect but when it comes to shared bills, she is always reluctant to pull out her purse, even on the odd occasion. I feel that she is insensitive toward money and time, late all the time and very spend thrift (insisting that I fork out 3000 for flowers and sulking when I say that I can't afford it). She promised that she will cook if she had a kitchen, we went on holiday, I gave her cash to go shopping and rented a house with a fully stocked kitchen. She came up with excuse after excuse not to cook. She says she does not want to have sex at home, I take her out to a stay cation but all she does is sleeps until I initiate . I don't even get a hello kiss when I see her after work! I once even told her, even your dog seems happier to see me than you. Cos when I go over, knock the door, she just says a hello turns around and plops on the couch. No hug no kiss. Even her dog will pounce on me.
Whenever she is late, or when she passes a hurtful comment, I make it known to her gently but she never apologises. Her reason is " mum taught me not to apologise to anyone if I don't mean it". This is the most hurtful thing. As whenever we quarrel, I am the one always ending up saying sorry. I am always the one rushing down to her place to reconcile. There are too many things that have been said which I find rude and hurtful. For instance, just today, she arranged to go out with me at 930 am. I called at 9 to see if she was ready she said no plans changed now 11 am. Here I am all changed and ready to pick her up and I said "hey if plans had changed why didn't u inform me?" all she can say is, "what u want me to do? Apologise? Everything I do also wrong." I try not to lose my temper at her, directing all the anger inside. This has lead me to depression, and when she sees me sinking and even when I tell her, all she can do is say . "What you want me to do? I don't know what I ca do for you" . yes all I need is a hug and tell me everything is fine. Is that too much to ask?
These are simple tiny issues that seem basic. But as a daily affair, it gets pretty weary.
We have been going for couples counselling regularly for almost a year now. And I have been putting all that we learnt into practice. But as soon as the session is over, everything we have discussed seems to be forgotten. I feel that My relationship lacks intimacy, initiative, and communication.
I do still love her, I am engaged now, HDB is coming soon, my family and friends love her, I spent more than $20k on wedding preparations already. Time is ticking. Should I continue? Should I bail?