imcoffeelover
Member
one thing i really appreciate is that the parents of my gf has explicitly said that they are ok and thing that we should have a place of our own, thus will not be staying over with us.
Living with in-laws?
- Thread starter miuratohko
- Start date
nudieposh
Member
yes. its part and parcel of staying together. have to really close one eye. just think of us many years down the road.. we as in laws.. we also do not like listening to people complaining about our children..
rachelyn
Member
Same! My future MIL is a housewife and has never worked her whole life so she's pretty much dedicated her whole life to the family. She handwashes EVERYTHING and then throw them in the washing machine. I am really afraid she is expecting me to do this for my HTB in future. Lucky we will not be living with her if not I will just throw myself into the washing machine and drown myself.His family doesnt trust the machine...so everything hand wash...clothes are the most troublesome
But there are still many other aspects where ILs will wanna be involved in. I don't even dare think about it now.
Hi all, we just got the keys to our house and PIL will be moving in with us once the renovation is done. Honestly speaking, I'm quite upset about them moving in with us.
I wanted some personal space for us to settle down as a couple. Living with PIL will complicate things. I had a huge argument with HTB cos his parents kept interfering when we were discussing the renovation with the ID. It's our house yet they keep instructing us not to do this and that. I'm so annoyed!
All I'm asking is for them to respect our personal space.
I wanted some personal space for us to settle down as a couple. Living with PIL will complicate things. I had a huge argument with HTB cos his parents kept interfering when we were discussing the renovation with the ID. It's our house yet they keep instructing us not to do this and that. I'm so annoyed!
All I'm asking is for them to respect our personal space.
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Tarryn
New Member
You are in a very difficult position, must learn to compromise.Hi all, we just got the keys to our house and PIL will be moving in with us once the renovation is done. Honestly speaking, I'm quite upset about them moving in with us.
I wanted some personal space for us to settle down as a couple. Living with PIL will complicate things. I had a huge argument with HTB cos his parents kept interfering when we were discussing the renovation with the ID. It's our house yet they keep instructing us not to do this and that. I'm so annoyed!
All I'm asking is for them to respect our personal space.
Best to avoid direct confrontation. Remember your HTB is torn between 2 sides.But why are they moving in? Don't they have their own place?
Hi all, we just got the keys to our house and PIL will be moving in with us once the renovation is done. Honestly speaking, I'm quite upset about them moving in with us.
I wanted some personal space for us to settle down as a couple. Living with PIL will complicate things. I had a huge argument with HTB cos his parents kept interfering when we were discussing the renovation with the ID. It's our house yet they keep instructing us not to do this and that. I'm so annoyed!
All I'm asking is for them to respect our personal space.
Give a firm no. If they can interfere so much while not staying together, you will be miserable staying together. They do not know to leave and cleave. It will be you versus them, outnumbered and suffering in silence. I had that sort of crap for too long that dead in laws are good in laws. Tell your other half to decide what the priority is. You can always visit them if they know the boundaries. If your other half is only going to listen to them, prepare for divorce as that is very likely to happen.
You are in a very difficult position, must learn to compromise.
But why are they moving in? Don't they have their own place?
They are currently renting as their new place will only be ready at the end of the year. They have thoughts of staying with us permanently though (I hope this doesn't come true!).
I'm alright staying with them if they know where to draw the line but they have no respect for our personal space. Even now when I stay over during weekends, his mom will just come into the room to put clothes in his cupboard when we are sleeping. Do I have to resort to locking our room door in our own house next time??
Easier said than done.. As much as I'd like to ask HTB to decide, I don't wish to put him in a difficult spot either.
Thankfully, he doesn't blindly listen to everything they say. We decided that they can have their opinions but we're still going to renovate our house the way we like it.
Good luck then. You will be outnumbered unless your husband knows how to protect you. Not every in law knows their place. The over interfering ones will only cause pain.
Joes
Member
I just came back from a holiday trip with my fil and step mil. It was a total disaster. I was treated like a slave and I protested. We had a "talk" and I pointed my father-in-law's mistake. (Fortunately, my husband supported me and didn't allow them to continue bullying me) I deleted my step mil from facebook too after the trip. And well, she got "upset" and tried to pin my fault for hurting her feelings. And I too give her a piece of my mind.
What can I say from that? Older generation and the young ones just have different perspective. I can only blame myself for being too nice in the first place. But doesn't mean I am saying they are not wrong to not give me the basic human respect that I deserve. Right now they are gone from our life for awhile and I am just waiting for their "next move".
What do you think can happen? Do hope to hear out what I might be expecting so that I can easily tackle with it.
What can I say from that? Older generation and the young ones just have different perspective. I can only blame myself for being too nice in the first place. But doesn't mean I am saying they are not wrong to not give me the basic human respect that I deserve. Right now they are gone from our life for awhile and I am just waiting for their "next move".
What do you think can happen? Do hope to hear out what I might be expecting so that I can easily tackle with it.
I just came back from a holiday trip with my fil and step mil. It was a total disaster. I was treated like a slave and I protested. We had a "talk" and I pointed my father-in-law's mistake. (Fortunately, my husband supported me and didn't allow them to continue bullying me) I deleted my step mil from facebook too after the trip. And well, she got "upset" and tried to pin my fault for hurting her feelings. And I too give her a piece of my mind.
What can I say from that? Older generation and the young ones just have different perspective. I can only blame myself for being too nice in the first place. But doesn't mean I am saying they are not wrong to not give me the basic human respect that I deserve. Right now they are gone from our life for awhile and I am just waiting for their "next move".
What do you think can happen? Do hope to hear out what I might be expecting so that I can easily tackle with it.
At least your hb is on the side of marriage. Just make sure the in laws don't give problems. Once they start to, distance from them. If they are nice then be nice to them too. Just don't let them decide what your marriage should be like. Not nice to be outnumbered and forced to do their bidding.
elmolovesyou
Member
hi all, chanced upon this thread as I was browsing.
I have similar problems with MIL-to-be too, but thankfully htb is on my side most of the times. my MIL-TB is really too much at times. usually, I will stayover for a night during weekends, I will do my own laundry and clean my own stuff. there was once I forgot to bring home a piece of clothing and just left it under the table in htb's room. she called him while he's at work and ranted at him at how I left things to her to clean? wth? lol.
she finds nitty gritty things to pin point at me. like how I didn't greet her every single time I see her. -.- and how I didn't greet her before dinner after she spent the entire day cooking (I did ask her if she needs help but she rejected me every time.)
my htb and his sibling did not have this "greeting" thing taught to them so my htb did not expect me to do so, until his mum complained behind my back to him and FIL. and whenever it's festive season, and htb will get goodies for my family, he can't bring them home, he will have to "hide" them with me as MIL-to-be will nag at him and compare what I bought for her and what he bought for my family. it's not like I bought substandard stuff and I don't know what is there to compare?!
but I will still clean up all their dishes when 95% of the time, me n htb are the last to finish dinner, it's not an acknowledgement I want but at least, don't find little petty stuff to aim me. it's not like I did not do anything to contribute.
I think MIL-to-be complained about me constantly to HTB till he's annoyed and he sided me whenever she start to question about me, my family, our wedding planning and house searching and stuff. she's constantly watching hk and korea dramas at home as she's a housewife and sometimes I hear my FIL arguing with her like how she can't compare shows to reality. MIL-to-be will ask her sister to ask htb why we want to find a hse so quickly and not live tgt with MIL first? her reason being: htb still has his bedroom? lol. htb bedroom wardrobe is shared with his younger brother. and can you imagine, I was lying on the bed at night, going to sleep kind, his brother can barge in without knocking and take his clothes. it's super awkward. htb told him to knock if the door is closed, but his ears are somehow soundproof. his younger brother will just use the toilet with the bathroom door open and things like that. it is super awkward.
we have been balloting for flat but still no luck. I can feel that he wants to move away from his parents' home as he is constantly looking at resale apartments near my parents' home. I'm still an outsider, a guest if you would say and not married into the family as yet.
and my only condition for getting married is I don't wanna stay with MIL and my HTB totally respects that.
I don't understand why some MILs are like this.
I have similar problems with MIL-to-be too, but thankfully htb is on my side most of the times. my MIL-TB is really too much at times. usually, I will stayover for a night during weekends, I will do my own laundry and clean my own stuff. there was once I forgot to bring home a piece of clothing and just left it under the table in htb's room. she called him while he's at work and ranted at him at how I left things to her to clean? wth? lol.
she finds nitty gritty things to pin point at me. like how I didn't greet her every single time I see her. -.- and how I didn't greet her before dinner after she spent the entire day cooking (I did ask her if she needs help but she rejected me every time.)
my htb and his sibling did not have this "greeting" thing taught to them so my htb did not expect me to do so, until his mum complained behind my back to him and FIL. and whenever it's festive season, and htb will get goodies for my family, he can't bring them home, he will have to "hide" them with me as MIL-to-be will nag at him and compare what I bought for her and what he bought for my family. it's not like I bought substandard stuff and I don't know what is there to compare?!
but I will still clean up all their dishes when 95% of the time, me n htb are the last to finish dinner, it's not an acknowledgement I want but at least, don't find little petty stuff to aim me. it's not like I did not do anything to contribute.
I think MIL-to-be complained about me constantly to HTB till he's annoyed and he sided me whenever she start to question about me, my family, our wedding planning and house searching and stuff. she's constantly watching hk and korea dramas at home as she's a housewife and sometimes I hear my FIL arguing with her like how she can't compare shows to reality.
MIL-to-be will ask her sister to ask htb why we want to find a hse so quickly and not live tgt with MIL first? her reason being: htb still has his bedroom? lol. htb bedroom wardrobe is shared with his younger brother. and can you imagine, I was lying on the bed at night, going to sleep kind, his brother can barge in without knocking and take his clothes. it's super awkward. htb told him to knock if the door is closed, but his ears are somehow soundproof. his younger brother will just use the toilet with the bathroom door open and things like that. it is super awkward.we have been balloting for flat but still no luck. I can feel that he wants to move away from his parents' home as he is constantly looking at resale apartments near my parents' home. I'm still an outsider, a guest if you would say and not married into the family as yet.
and my only condition for getting married is I don't wanna stay with MIL and my HTB totally respects that.
I don't understand why some MILs are like this.
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