For couples who choose to wait till after saying “I do” to jump into bed together, having sex on the wedding night can be a nerve-wrecking experience. SingaporeBrides shares some sexy strategies for these patient newlyweds to make first-time lovemaking less of a pain, and more of a pleasure.
For Sharon*, wedding night sex wasn’t as great as she thought it would be.
The 31-year-old administrator, who married in December last year, reveals: “By the time we were done with the wedding banquet, it was after midnight. We were both tired out from the stress and activity from playing bride and groom the whole day – all we really wanted to do was sleep!”
On top of that, Sharon also felt anxious about having sex for the first time on the wedding night. “While I was prepared mentally and emotionally, I was nervous about how the sexual experience with my husband would turn out. I wanted it to be magical obviously, but in the end, it felt rather awkward and ordinary.”
Like Sharon, many brides feel uncomfortable or embarrassed during their wedding night. To make the most out of your first sexual experience, read on for some lovemaking tips.
DROP THOSE SEXUAL HANG-UPS
Many women admit to experiencing anxiety when having sex for the first time with their partners. And yes, it is actually absolutely normal to worry if you smell bad down there or if your stretch marks are leaving a not-so-good impression on your man. But you have to get over these sexual hang-ups if you want to enjoy a good romp in the sack. For one, not everyone is blessed with supermodel good looks, but that shouldn’t affect your bedroom performance in any way. Learn to love yourself – flaws and all – and you won’t have to switch the lights off during the deed.
PICK UP SOME BEDROOM SKILLS
Great sex is never just about jumping into bed. If you have no idea how to work your magic behind closed doors, a series of sexual technique workshops run by Dr Martha Lee, sexologist and founder of Eros Coaching will help. Suitable for couples ($140 per couple), these “clothes-on, hands-off” two-hour workshops include tips and techniques on pillow talk, erotic massage and oral sex. Besides these educational workshops, couples can also learn how to connect to each other erotically and ask for what each other wants in bed at the Conscious Connecting ($140 per couple) workshop. For further details and registration, call 6100 0851 or visit www.eroscoaching.com.
EXPLORE, EXPLORE, EXPLORE
If all those months of hectic wedding planning have taken the lust out of you, find out how to keep your libido going strong. A way to do that is to spend some time alone in your bedroom to explore your body and find out what really turns you on. For instance, if you know that you like to be nuzzled at the neck, let your partner know that. When you know what you want, sex will naturally be a more pleasurable experience.
GET IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE
Chances are that you will be staying the night at the hotel’s wedding suite. This means that besides soft, downy pillows, dimmed lighting and oh-so-comfortable quilts, you can also expect the works – scattered rose petals, chocolates and a complimentary bottle of champagne. There are also other ways you can create a romantic ambiance to set the mood. Dr Lee says: “Scented candles, massage oils and soft, relaxing music are touches of romance that can fire up your first intimate experience together.” So don’t forget to pack these along to your wedding suite.
DRESS UP FOR THE EXPERIENCE
No, granny panties won’t do. Instead, it’s time to draw the curtains, strip down and put on some sensual lingerie. Those peek-a-boo intimates can do wonders to the imagination once the lights are dimmed (think of it as visual Viagra). Before your big day, head out to boutiques like Rondavous (#01-03 Far East Plaza, 14 Scotts Rd, tel: 6733 4090) and the lavish Xotic at the Dressing Room (Level 2 TANGS, 310 Orchard Rd, tel: 6737 5500, www.tangs.com.sg) to shop for something special.
EXPRESS YOUR LOVE
Although the both of you have said your vows earlier in the day, do express your love to each other in the privacy of the wedding suite too. By this, we mean hugs, kisses and whispering sweet nothings in bed. When you spend time doing this, you will naturally relax and what follows will definitely be a more intimate experience.
SAVOUR THE MOMENT
Don’t rush into the deed – even if you’re both dead beat from the wedding stress and just want to get it over and done with. This is especially true for women, whose bodies may tense up or feel pain when having sex for the first time. Instead, prepare the body for sex by snuggling up to each other, then enjoying an elaborate session of foreplay. Focus on exploring each other’s bodies, not just ripping the clothes off. At times, lubricants like the herbal-based and condom-friendly Nuru Platinum Multi-Purpose Sex Gel ($59) may help. Available on www.U4Ria.com.sg or at #02-11A Midpoint Orchard, tel: 6738 7198.
KEEP THE ROUTINE SIMPLE
There are a variety of sex toys to suit every couple, like the popular We-Vibe 3 (S$249, available on www.U4Ria.com.sg or at #02-11A Midpoint Orchard, tel: 6738 7198), a revolutionary C-shaped vibrator that can be worn while doing the deed for double the pleasure. But on your first night together, you should probably skip those naughty playthings – especially since they can be complicated to use. Instead, keep things unpretentious so you can explore the physical intimacy of each other’s bodies.
RELAX, AND ENJOY
Sometimes, the pressure to have mind-blowingly great sex on your first night together can get so overwhelming that you just can’t seem to enjoy the process. Here’s a fact: Your first-time sex session – especially if it follows right after toasting 50 tables of “yum seng!” – may not give you an earth-shattering orgasm. But don’t worry. Healthy, happy sex is not just about physical intimacy, but about emotional closeness as well. Even if the sex isn’t so memorable the first few times, it will get better as you embark on your marriage and learn about each other’s bodies and turn-ons!
*Not her real name